


Afterlife

by orphan_account



Category: Nirvana (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 17:11:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16288538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	1. Chapter 1

Dave grinned as he sped along, and cranked the car stereo when he found a song he liked, cruising, breezing. Things were pretty decent for him at the moment. He started to sing along to the radio in an impressively on-key voice. And he knew almost all the words, too.

"Standing in line to  
See the show tonight  
And there's a light of  
Heavy glow-"

The Chili Peppers were a rockin' band, Dave had to admit. He absently tapped out the drum beat on his steering wheel, and realized he was happy. He liked the song he was listening to. He was on the way to band practice, which he liked. He was going to spend some time with his three band members, which he loved.

"-By the way I tried to say  
I'd be there waiting for-"

Dave sighed and turned a corner just as the song ended and some random radio personality starting raving about some random scandal. He was never really able to get his head around that type of shit. Speculations and rumors seemed like a waste of breath to him. He stopped paying attention to what they were saying (he had a vague notion that Paris Hilton was involved, somehow) and let his mind wander to a better place. The music. The band.

I don't know what I'd do without them. That startled him a little, and he snapped his brain back into focus. He had no idea where that last thought had come from. He'd been part of the band, been part of the Foo Fighters, for close to fourteen years, now. It was as much a part of him as breathing. And sure, he didn't know what he'd do without it, but that wasn't the point...

The point was, he had no real reason to even be thinking along those lines in the first place. Everything was fine, he was happy, nothing was going to happen...

Maybe you should remember what happened last time you took your band for granted? a private part of his mind whispered, but Dave quickly pushed that voice away, not wanting to create a blot on his otherwise flawless, happy horizon.

To divert his mind, Dave once again turned to the radio. He hoped the stupid fucking station had finished their rant, and was ready to play some music again.

They were. And it was the worst thing that could have happened.

"Coming up now is an older hit that still sounds as good today as it did when it was recorded eighteen years ago. See if you guys and gals remember this one."

The song began, and Dave recognized it straight away. Even if he hadn't helped record it, he would have recognized it just from the opening guitar riff. He knew that unique style as well as he knew anything.

He wanted to turn it off, but found himself suddenly unable to. It was like his hands were glued steering wheel.

"Load up on guns, bring your friends  
It's fun to lose and to pretend  
She's overboard and self-assured  
Oh, no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low  
Hello, hello, hello, how low  
Hello, hello, hello, how low  
Hello, hello, hello-"

"That's quite enough of that." Dave's voice was shaky, but he did manage to pry one hand off the steering wheel and fumble with the radio, switching it off. He spared himself the explosion of the powerhouse chorus by a fraction of a second. And, like his voice, his hands were trembling. He tried to control it. Found he couldn't.

C'mon, Dave, get over it. He gave himself a mental pep talk, the same on he used in all these situations. You've heard this song a billion times before. It's still the same song.

Dave sped towards the upcoming traffic lights but he barely even saw them. It was a struggle for him just to register the fact that they were green. Still the same song. Still the same song. Nothing's changed. Nothing.

Dave passed the first set of traffic lights with deeply flushed cheeks and a rapidly beating heart.

Fuck it, man. Everything's changed...

A blaring horn, a sound of warning, came from a neighboring car, but it was too late. He never even glanced at the truck.

The sound of that horn was the second-to-last thing Dave heard. The last was the horrible, final crunch as metal collided with metal, then skin, then bone, and the world and everything in it faded to black.

And some point between that moment and the next, the heavy flush bled out of Dave's cheeks, and his rapidly beating heart slowed... then stopped altogether. And at some point between one moment and the next, he drifted out of existence...

***************************

Dave jerked awake, gasping heavily. Even in the violent aftermath of his nightmare, he still realized something very puzzling. He realized it all of a sudden and all at once.

He wasn't in his bedroom.

In fact, he wasn't in any room that he could remember waking up in before. This room was... new. It was alien. He also noticed with a worried pang that the familiar presence of his wife lying beside him was gone. Jordyn was nowhere to be found.

Shivering slightly, Dave peered into the gloomy din of the room. And yelped with surprise at what appeared to be a pair of large, glowing brown eyes protruding out from the darkness. He then realized that the eyes were not in fact floating in mid air, but rather belonged to a young woman, perhaps in her late teens, early twenties at the most. And she was frightfully pale. Dave sighed, and his heartbeat slowed after his initial scare, but only a little. He still felt an overpowering unease that was bordering on full-blown fear. Hesitantly, he cleared his throat to speak.

"W-who are you? Where am I?"

The girl with the glowing brown eyes smiled.

"My name's Siri. Welcome to the Afterlife."

And just like that, Dave remembered -

The blackness was suffocating. The blackness was so final. Dave peered into nothing with eyes he no longer had, and he knew that he was dead.

Far away he was aware of a man named Dave who was buried in a car crash, but it wasn't truly him, or rather, he just wasn't him anymore. On some, distant level there was also pain, but the pain seemed very unimportant. Who cared about pain when they were dead?

He was aware his band mates would probably wondering where he was.

He was aware that he was supposed to pick up Violet from day-care that afternoon.

He was aware that life would go on for them. And it broke his heart.

He cried out silently, and waited for his death to consume him so he could forget everything. But it never happened.

(what's happening oh this is cruel this can't be death kill me kill me NOW)

"Hello," a soft spectral voice murmured to him, and it was like being born again. A white light suddenly filled Dave's mind, and the pain melted away. He wanted to reply-

(angel? are you? am i?)

\- but was without a voice. The spectral light however seemed to understand.

"Yes Dave. This is a car crash. And you are dead." The light grew stronger, and Dave felt his consciousness beginning to fade. "Do not fear death. There is nothing to fear. I can take you away. To a different place. You'll like it there."

Dave struggled to stay awake long enough to ask one final question. The light surrounded him, then it was inside of him, and he could feel it answer him from everywhere.

"No, I'm not God. In your world, some people call my kind 'angels', though I'm not quite the kind of angel they refer to. Some people know me by a different name. A fearful name. They say I am responsible for the deaths of all in this world. They call me the Angel of Death. But you can call me Siri. And please, don't be afraid of me. I'm only here to help you."

And before Dave could feel fear or trepidation or anything else, he was lifted out of himself, and the blackness winked out of existence.

***************************

"I'm dead." The words sounded so strange. Stupid. Siri watched him carefully. "I'm... actually fucking dead." It seemed it would take him awhile to get used to the idea.

"Yes. You're dead."

"You killed me," he continued flatly, and there was more than a hint of accusation in his voice. Siri sighed, shaking her head.

 

"No. That's just what you want to think. I don't kill people. I merely look after their souls once they're dead. And don't even bother asking me who killed you," she rushed ahead before Dave could respond. "You know perfectly well who killed you. You killed yourself." Dave went to protest, but she easily overrode him. "You killed yourself, Dave," she repeated for emphasis. "You lost your concentration on the road and a truck ploughed into the side of your car. And that was it. There's nothing you can do about it now." Dave could only gape at her, his eyes searching for understanding and his eyes wide open. Presently though, he found his voice again.

"I, I c-can't believe this..." he groaned, a shudder unfurling through him. "It can't... be over. M-my family, my wife. I, I can't just-" He broke off with a small moan of pain, and there were frustrated tears pooling in his eyes. "I'm not dead. I'm not. I mean..." He searched for the words. "I can still think. I can feel. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest just a minute ago. I could feel my pulse. I'm not dead. My body's not dead. It's alive, I'm alive, so this isn't, I can't be..."

"How is it that you know so well what death is supposed to be like?" Siri asked simply, and Dave immediately fell silent. "Death is not the end of all things. It's just a new start. A beginning. Why should your body be old and broken? That isn't very practical at all."

"But, I..." Dave's speech was halted and hesitant. His mind was reeling. "Wha.. what about the people I love?" Jordyn. Violet, and Harper - she's just a baby. M-my little daughters. What... what h-happens to them?"

Siri smiled softly. "You married a strong woman, Dave. Jordyn has so much will-power, she will go on, for your daughters. They'll all go on. They'll have a good life together, I can promise you that."

"Jordyn." Dave breathed a soft word of thanks to his wife as tears spilled over his cheeks. "Oh, Jordyn."

"Harper will have no memory of you." Dave bowed his head and his heart sank at the news, but it was what he'd expected. She was just a baby, after all.

"... I suppose that may even be for the best," Dave murmured to himself, trying to still some of the burning pain in his heart. His vision swam with tears. After a long moment, he managed to pull himself together a little, and ask his next question. "And my band? My friends? How will they..?"

"They'll go their separate ways," Siri said gently, trying to take the sting out of her words as best she could. But then she both surprised and dismayed Dave when she asked a question of her own. "Don't you remember how you felt when Kurt Cobain died?"

"I..." Dave's first word came out as a croak, an automatic jerk of the tongue, and he found he was suddenly breathless. He tried again. "I..."

"Hello, hello, hello, how low  
Hello, hello, hello, how low"

"It hurt you, didn't it?" She answered for him. "But you carried on. You all carried on."

"My soul went dead to music," Dave muttered, mostly to himself. Tears falling a little faster, now.

"But you started again. You created a band of your own, and you were happy again." She hesitated, then added, "Taylor joins another band. The others sort of just... fade away. Remember, they're a lot older than you were when you lost Kurt. And they knew you almost four times as long. It's harder for them than you probably realize." Dave gritted his teeth. His family, his babies, gone, and now this. He saw red as a private part of him was violated and hurt.

"Don't you... don't you fucking dare underestimate how I felt when... that happened. It fucking killed me inside!" He glared with passionate anger, surprising Siri. "Losing him was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Understand?"

"Of course, Dave-"

"When, when he died, I was left with nothing. Do you get that? Nothing!" He tilted his head back, and sobbed. "And now, now I'm left with nothing all over again! I don't want to be alone! Oh God, please, I don't fucking want to be alone.."

"David." Siri's voice was soft and gentle. "You're not alone. People come here every day, just like you. You're with them, Dave. You're all together."

"But I don't want them," Dave whispered, and swiped furiously at his leaking eyes. "I, I just want someone here with me, someone I know, a friend, so we can at least be together."

"You'll find someone." She tried hard to be reassuring. "Everybody here always finds someone."


	2. Chapter 2

Far away from Dave and Siri, a young blonde man sat on the edge of his bed and contemplated his death. He'd been dead for over fifteen years now, and remembered little of how he'd actually ended up in this place. This dump. Might as well have been Hell, for all he cared. His eyes were cloudy and distant. His eyes knew far too much.

"Hey." A hand on his shoulder disturbed his thoughts. "Are we gonna do this, or what?" The blonde sighed, wondering for the umpteenth time what the hell he'd gotten himself into, this never-ending situation. The beefy, tattooed man behind him grunted impatiently, and he turned to face him.

"Mike," the blonde murmured hesitantly, but then stopped. He was having second thoughts, but then again, he always had second thoughts. Back when he'd been alive, he'd slept with men just like Mike; strong, surly trucker types who'd never admit to being gay, but were constantly on the lookout for a hot, young piece of ass. Sometimes these men had paid him money, and sometimes they hadn't. Sometimes, he'd even enjoyed himself.

He didn't enjoy himself anymore.

"Hey!" Mike grunted again, growing more and more impatient by the nanosecond. "This was the deal. You're good for one fuck, that's what Jeremy said. Jeremy said I he can pay off his debt by letting me fuck you."

That's what Jeremy said

And he was really beginning to hate Jeremy...

"Well, was that the deal, or wasn't it?"

"Yes." His voice was low, and Mike almost missed the word. He wanted it said again. He wanted the satisfaction.

"What did you say, boy?"

"Yes, I said!" He lifted his head, and fixed Mike with an icy stare so piercing that it bordered on intimidating. "If Jeremy said that was the deal, then I guess that's the fucking deal!"

"...Oh." Mike seemed a little lost after this. He hadn't expected Jeremy's companion to be so... passive aggressive. "Good. Well, then..." His gaze darkened with lust and he towered over the blonde. All traces of possible intimidation were gone now, obliterated by Mike's impressive bulk. "Let's get this started."

He threw the blonde down against the bed, hard enough to wind him. He grinned when he felt all the resistance leave the smaller man's body. Ah, yes, this was how it was supposed to be. He loved the feeling of weak, helpless flesh.

The blonde turned his head away, trying not to register what was happening to his body. It was just easier that way, to disconnect from reality, and pass it off as nothing, later on.

His mind wandered into space, and he recalled the time when he'd first met Jeremy Gates.

 

***************************

 

"You're very gorgeous, don't you know." The dark-haired man was flirtatious, but Kurt didn't want flirtatious. All he wanted was a way. Fucking. Out.

"Great. Now can you leave me alone?"

"What's your name, beautiful?"

"Kurt."

"Nice to make your acquaintance, Kurt. Now, how about telling me what's troubling you?" He eyed the little blonde with keen interest. Kurt tossed his head, agitated and alone.

"You wanna know? I'll fucking tell you. Two days ago I decided I didn't want to live anymore, because life was just to Goddamn awful to put up with at this point. So I stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the fucking trigger, and blow my BRAINS out!" His voice was infuriated, and his eyes were on fire. "And then, then I fucking wake up and cough up the Goddamn bullet, and then some girl with brown eyes tells me that I'm dead, and, and that this is the fucking Afterlife!" Riled with electric frustration, it was hard to form sentences. "A-all I wanted to do was end it, and now I have to go through the whole thing all over again! Only now it's worse, because I don't even have heroin to help get through it, and I can't die. No matter how much I want to, I can't even fucking end it..." His voice tapered off as he bowed his head, trying to relieve some of the painful pressure building between his ears. The dark-haired man looked on, temporarily speechless.

"Hey, Kurt. Oh, hey." He patted him on the back gingerly. "Listen. This place isn't so bad, once you get used to it." Kurt could only shake his head, eyes overflowing. "Hey now." His voice was soft, and reassuring, and Kurt couldn't help but listen to it. "You're alone here, and I understand how scary that can be, but it's okay." He smiled warmly. "My name's Jeremy, and I'll be your friend, if you'd like. I can keep you company."

"Jeremy." Kurt repeated the name. "Like the Pearl Jam song, right?"

Jeremy laughed. "Yeah. Like the Pearl Jam song. Only, like you and the kid in that song, I didn't commit suicide." Talk of death sparked of Kurt's interest, and he glanced up, the tear tracks already drying on his face.

"How did you die?" he asked with open, child-like curiosity.

Jeremy laughed again, but was more than willing to share. He said, "I was headstrong and stupid. Owed some of the wrong guys a shitload of money. So I welshed out of the bet. Skipped town. And they came after me."

"Then what happened?" Kurt's eyes were wide with morbid fascination. His tears were forgotten now.

"They caught up with me in the end. And shot me in the head."

***************************

"How did you go?" Jeremy asked all-too innocently as Kurt entered the room. Kurt scowled darkly. He was limping a little.

"I suppose you'll be pleased to know that you're once again debt free," he muttered icily, making Jeremy smile at him. Once upon a time, that smile would have done wonders for him. Now... not so much. Kurt sighed, and scratched at his wrist idly.

"Thanks, babe. I knew I could count on you to help me out."

"Yeah, well, next time, would you mind checking if you have a sufficient amount of money before you go on a gamboling spree? I'm sick of waking up in the morning with blood soaking the back of my underwear."

"Come on, babe." Jeremy's voice was sugary sweet. "You know I try. I just happen to have the teeniest, tiniest gamboling problem..."

"It's what got you killed."

"Yes, well, thank you at any rate. I don't know what I'd do without your fine, young ass to get me out of trouble."

"You'd get your legs broken," was Kurt's testy reply. He hoped that, if only once, the prospect of consequence would scare Jeremy enough to make him ease up on the gamboling. But it never did. Instead, Jeremy smiled, and approached Kurt. The small blonde man knew what was coming, and after his encounter with Mike, he felt less than up to it. But he knew he had no choice.

It was just like Jeremy told him, time and time again. If Kurt cooperated then everyone was happy, and everything was good. But if he didn't, then Jeremy would have no choice but to Let Kurt Go. And then Kurt would be Alone.

 

And when people were Alone... Kurt shuddered.

Jeremy kissed his neck.

Kurt closed his eyes, and let him.

 

***************************

"Siri," Dave tentatively began. His voice was hoarse after the tears, but he felt a little better. A little. "When people die, do they all come here?"

"Uh-huh," Siri's voice was absent; her mind was elsewhere. "For the past sixteen hundred years, at least."

"Then what happens to them?"

"Well..." She pondered it for a moment. "They sort of just... wander away, I suppose. You wouldn't know it from inside this little room, but the Afterlife is a big place. Positively massive, to be blunt. When people die, they wake up in the time and place which bests suits them." And then, she actually grinned. It looked fantastic on her. "Obviously, a medieval knight who dies on the field of battle would feel slightly out of place if he woke up in a 1970's disco." Dave couldn't help but chuckle at the mental image that gave him, which was exactly what Siri had been hoping for.

"So, where am I? Where did I, er, wake up?"

She smiled. "You'll find out when you get there. But just to let you know, I can tell what you're thinking. This isn't exactly Heaven, okay? You can still, how should I put this, have fun. If that's what you want."

"Fun?" Dave tested the word like it was totally new to him, and sighed. The last thing he felt like he could do was have fun. "I don't know. I just..." He stopped, re-thinking a trail of thought. "If you split people up, I mean, is there any chance of me seeing my family again?" And his eyes, which had been dry for a mere ten minutes, began to fill with tears again.

"Listen... They still have a long way to go before they end up here, and when that happens, if you're still thinking of each other, then it's possible you could be reunited one day." Then Siri hesitated, and Dave could clearly read her hesitation. There was something she wasn't telling him.

"But?"

"You, you have to understand, Dave. Your mind works differently here than it would back home. It's rare for even the most in-love person to retain memories of his or her life for more than six months or so."

Dave was breathless. "W-what are you saying?"

"If you saw Jordyn even a year from now, you wouldn't recognize her."

"What?!"

"I'm sorry, Dave. That's just how it works."

"B-but." He worked hard to control his voice. "But I love her." Siri gazed at him sympathetically.

"I know you do. Of course you do. But it's a part of dying, and it's one that's bound to hurt you. Ask anyone who's been here for more than twelve weeks what they did as a job when they were alive, and they won't be able to tell you. Anyone who's been here for more than five years is bound to remember nothing. Save their own deaths." She smiled sadly. "You'll always remember that. It's like the opposite of being born, almost. People are vaguely aware they've left loved ones behind. But that's about all they're aware of."

"Oh God..." said Dave, softly.

"I'm sorry, Dave," she said again. And she really was sorry.

 

***************************

 

Kurt gazed tiredly up from the bed and watched Jeremy dress. He was exhausted, and sore all over. First from Mike, and then Jeremy. And Jeremy had gone twice. He shifted on the mattress, and winced. His insides felt scrubbed raw.

"Where are you going?" he murmured up to Jeremy, and the dark-haired man turned to him.

"Up to the club," he explained, shrugging on a coat. "There's some action happening up there at the tables, action that I don't wanna miss out on." Exasperated, Kurt flushed.

"Please, just don't go making any more bets if you can't afford to lose." Jeremy grinned charmingly, and slicked his hair back.

"Don't worry about it, babe. I've got a good feeling about this one. I'm not going to lose." He noted Kurt's disbelieving expression. and a frown line creased the skin between his brows. "I'm not going to lose," he said again, loudly. "Have a little faith in your man. I'm gonna hit the jackpot today, and you and me can get the apartment you've always wanted, right up above everything..."

"You hate heights."

"A mansion, then. I'm not picky."

"Uh-huh. Whatever you say, Jeremy."

"Just trust me," Jeremy crooned, and adjusted his collar in the mirror. "And stop worrying."

"Uh-huh."

"I'll see you later."

"Uh-huh." Kurt's voice was grey and dull. Jeremy seemed as if he meant to add something else, but then he merely shrugged, and strode out of the room. Kurt raised his head to watch Jeremy leave, and once he was gone, he fell back against the bed, moaning a little in pain. It was unlikely Jeremy would be back for at least a few days, and Kurt was looking forward to his rest. He'd been ridden as hard as ever, three times in one day. He only hoped Jeremy would play it smart and delay losing anymore major bets for awhile.

Like it's ever going to happen.

He brought a hand up to eye level, and inspected the small tattoo etched into his wrist. It had been itching more and more frequently for weeks now, and Kurt was worried. He checked it carefully for signs of fading, but it seemed as dark and as vibrant as ever. Still, he knew in the back of his mind that he was becoming more and more fed up with Jeremy's behavior, and that if he kept up his attitude, eventually the tattoo would begin to fade. And then-

Everybody always finds someone.

Then She would come. And take him away.

Kurt shuddered, and vowed he would re-learn how to tolerate Jeremy. He had to.

He had no choice.

***************************

 

Siri walked Dave down the spotless white hall, their footsteps echoing crisply. To Dave, they seemed to echo straight through his heart.

"I don't think I'm ready for this." It had been three days since Siri had woken Dave up; the allotted time for preparation.

"You are. Trust me."

Dave hesitated. "Alright."

"Remember, Dave," she said as they approached the door at the far end of the corridor. "Remember how important it is for you to find someone. I know you're sad right now, and confused." Siri smiled a little, but her large, brown eyes remained serious. "Just trust me, the best thing for you to do right now is to find a friend. Someone alone. Like you. And that way, neither of you will have to be Alone anymore." She said 'alone' in a curious way, as if it meant something significant. Dave frowned as they drew closer to the door. It was made of a thick, heavy metal, and he could hear distant, rhythmic noises from somewhere on the other side.

"I don't understand," he replied, still frowning. "Why is it so important for me to find a friend?" And why do they have to be alone?"

"It's best for you just to trust me, okay?" And Siri's voice was so severe that there was no room for argument.

"Sure... okay."

"Promise?"

"Y-yeah. I promise." Dave felt confusion.

"Good then." Siri smiled, and the severe atmosphere vanished right there and then. "Now." They stopped in front of the door. "Let me show you a much more enjoyable side of the Afterlife." And with that she grasped the handle of the impossibly heavy looking door, which Dave was pretty sure wouldn't budge no matter how hard either of them tried to open it. It gave way like butter in her grip.

 

Dave blinked with dumbfounded surprise as a familiar torrent of sights and sounds washed over him.

"It's... it's a night club," Dave murmured, his eyes sweeping across the room before him. It was and it wasn't. It seemed to stretch on forever, with club lounges and bartenders, alcohol and tables upon tables of roulette, card games, and various other activity, where crowds of people were laughing and pissing away their money. Dave eyed this with interest. "Wow," he exclaimed softly.

"Yeah," Siri stood by him, smiling. "It's good, isn't it?" But Dave couldn't take his eyes off the massive room before him. He was trying on a smile, and his eyes were cautiously enthusiastic. Siri gave him a slight nudge forward. "Go on," she encouraged. "Go on, have some fun. You've earned it. And try to stop worrying, while you're at it. Everything's going to be okay." Dave took a step forward, and Siri was glad to see he was on his way to adjusting. "Find a friend, Dave," she murmured, and touched his back gently. "Good luck. Not that you're going to need it."

Dave finally tore his eyes away from the scene in front of him as Siri slipped something into his hand.

"Siri , I-" But he cut himself off, frowning. Siri was nowhere to be found.

He stared at the wad of money she'd given him.


	3. Chapter 3

Dave was drunk. He was so drunk, but he was having so much fun. Fun had been his whole existence, for the last few days.

He was sitting up at the card table, sandwiched between two laughing girls, with identical smiles and identical tattoos on their wrists. Dave found the girls sexy.

Find a friend, Dave.

Fuck that, Dave wanted to hang out with the sexy girls.

But what about my Jordyn?

That made Dave hurt, but he immediately pushed the thought away. Already, forgetting was becoming easier to do, and Dave found he could flirt with virtually no guilt to deal with as a consequence.

"That's the pot to you, sir." The man in the gaudy uniform pushed red, white, blue and black poker chips over to Dave's corner of the table, and the girls applauded him.

"You're so wicked at this game, Davey," the blonder of the two girls crooned, kneading his shoulders.

"Yeah," her friend joined in, rubbing his forearms. "But tell me, where's your friend? Is he a guy? Is he as cute as you?"

"M-my-" Dave felt too drunk and too flustered to think straight. "My friend? Who do you mean?"

"Your companion." The girls flashed their identical smiles again, and held up their identical tattoos for Dave's inspection. "The one with a mark like yours."

"It is a guy, right? I bet he's a guy. And I bet he's hot, too!" She giggled, and Dave was mystified.

"I, I, uh-"

"Don't worry about it now, We'll come back to it later." The blonder girl poured Dave a fresh drink, then stood up to address the rest of the table. "Now, who's brave enough-"

"Or stupid enough!"

"To take on the King of the Card Table?"

"... I'll give it a go." The crowd around the table parted to let through the tall, thin man who'd spoken up. He took a seat opposite to Dave, and flashed him a toothy smile. His dark hair was slicked back into a pony tail.

"Oooo!" The girls either side of Dave taunted the new-comer in unison, and broke into peals of laughter. The dark-haired man was not turned off, however. If anything, his smile only seemed to widen. He had a very big, very flashy smile, Dave noticed. Full of teeth. Like an alligator.

"Any other players?" The card-dealer glanced around the table, but the crowd had fallen silent. "Very well. The game is Stud Poker, gentlemen. Five card stud." Dave threw down his ante, and he and Jeremy were dealt their cards; two cards face down, one card face up. Jeremy's face up card was a ten of diamonds. Not particularly threatening. He glanced at his own cards. And calculated.

"Fifty." He made his bet. The dark-haired man didn't even hesitate.  
dealt them  
"I'll call." Another card each, face up. One of Dave's female companions giggled to her friend, and they shared a knowing smile. The dark-haired man just stared across the table at Dave, a predatory gleam in his eyes. This was his night. His lucky night. He could practically taste it. He smirked at Dave, who this time bet a hundred.

"I'll match your hundred. And raise you another hundred."

"Call." Dave sat back. The dealer gave them each another card. Another diamond for the dark-haired man. Shit. Dave sipped his drink. Something was changing inside of him. Earlier in the evening, he'd only wanted to have some alcohol-induced fun. But now...

There was something about this guy that made Dave want to beat him so badly. Maybe it was the way his oily hair gleamed in the overhead spotlights. Maybe it was the cheesy grin that showed off all of his yellowing teeth. He wasn't sure. But he didn't feel as drunk anymore.

"Two hundred." Dark-haired man tossed his chips into the pot, never taking his eyes off of Dave. The girls either side of him gasped mockingly, then for real, as Dave matched his chips and just as quickly added in another hundred of his own.

This time it was the dark-haired man who backed off. "I'll call." The dealer dealt them a fourth card face up. Yet another diamond for Jeremy, who was practically crowing. They bet, and were given one last card each, this one face down. Dave saw his opponent's eyes light up, and he began to doubt himself. But he pressed on, deciding to take a chance. He scanned his remaining chips quickly. The stack was considerably smaller than it had been before.

"All in."

"Sir." The officials cut in quickly to stop the young, drunk man from making a fool of himself. "That's over twelve hundred dollars."

"I know."

"Fine." The dark-haired man counted his own chips, coming up slightly short, and went all in as well. "And just to make thing's easier on you, I'll reveal my hand first." He laid them down, proudly. Someone in the crowd whistled. "Ace-high flush. Diamonds." Dave looked up at his opponent solemnly.

"Good game, man," he murmured. Then he grinned. "Just not quite good enough, I'm afraid." And he revealed his own cards. "Four of a kind."

His opponent gaped incredulously as the crowd burst into applause. Dave laughed in triumph, and was double-hugged by the blonde girls, feeling truly happy for the first time since he'd woken up dead.

Jeremy groaned, and put his head in his hands. 

*************************

"Come on, buddy. Pay up."

"I can't."

"What do you mean, you can't?"

"I can't!"

Dave watched the gaming official and the man he'd identified as Jeremy Gates argue back and forth. It was interesting him. "Uh, what's going on, exactly?"

"This runt." The official poked Jeremy in the back, who winced. "Can't pay you the money he owes you." He turned back to Jeremy. "You owe this guy thirteen hundred and fifty dollars, buddy. Time to pay up!"

"I told you already!" Jeremy cringed. "I can't!"

"Don't make us beat it out of you." The official raised his fist menacingly, and Jeremy shrank back. He was a stinking weasel, but Dave almost felt sorry for him.

"N-no. No, wait!" Dave watched, fascinated, as Jeremy held his wrist up to the official, who in return took a step back with an appalled look on his face. Dave couldn't see what all the fuss was about. All he saw was a little tattoo.

Must be some sort of craze up here, he guessed.

"Are you insane?" The gaming official barked incredulously, eying Jeremy. "You owe this guy over thirteen hundred dollars!"

"I know."

"Your friend will be this guy's property for a whole month!"

"I know!" Jeremy looked like he was about to rip his hair out. Dave felt more confusion than ever.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" But neither man paid him any attention.

"And your friend would agree to this?"

"He will, I-" Jeremy broke off, and sighed. "I'll just have to talk to him about it first."

"You know that if it starts to fade, there's nothing we can do to stop it?"

"Yeah."

"And you still want to risk it?"

"It's not like I have a fucking choice!"

"Fine." The official shook his head slowly. "Whoever came up with this method of payment is insane. Either that, or a sadistic monster." And with that he turned to Dave, who all of a sudden felt very put on the spot. "Well ,son, do you agree to his method of payment?"

"H-huh?" Dave's mind went blank. "Oh, well, uh..."

"Please." And then Jeremy was begging him, and Dave felt mild embarrassment mix uneasily with disgust. "Please, it's all I have to give you! He's a gorgeous man. He is! Really! You'll love him!"

"Uh-" Dave was about to protest but then Jeremy looked as though he was about to cry, and Dave knew if that happened, he would be so disgusted that he would probably kick Jeremy in his fucking balls. It was something he wanted to avoid, if possible. "Okay. Uh, sure. It's a deal." The gaming official sighed, and Jeremy beamed.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! I promise you, you won't regret this. You won't be fucking disappointed!"

"I still think this is sick," the official murmured to himself, and turned away. Dave looked on after him.

"What did he mean-"

"Oh, don't even worry about him. Fucking ignorant prick! It'll be fine." Now that the official was gone, Jeremy suddenly became very chatty. This guy has an ego as big as fucking Russia, Dave realized. "Listen, just come by the apartment tomorrow. This is the address." He threw a card with something scrawled on it at Dave, and Dave couldn't help but wonder how many times this had happened before. "Come by, and you can meet him, okay? And then, then we can just get this over and done with."

"Ah." Dave read the address on the card. "If you say so."

*************************

Back in his room the oblivious Kurt was asleep, and dreaming. Little did he know, the dream was actually a memory.

"Hey," he murmured, picking up his guitar. "I wrote a song the other day. Do you want to hear it?" The man he was speaking to, who was medium height with gorgeous brown eyes and long hair, smiled warmly and sat down beside him. Kurt shifted, and smiled back. He liked it when this man sat next to him. It made him feel... nice.

"I'd love to, Kurt," the man murmured back in a voice that was so kind and so familiar. "But before you start, I just need to ask you something." A warm hand on Kurt's hand stopped him from strumming the guitar, and he looked up into the deep brown eyes boring into his mind, making him feel weak.

"Ask me what?"

"Are you happy, Kurt?" He sounded so concerned. Kurt wondered what would make a person sound so concerned.

"I, I suppose so." He frowned. "But why do you ask?"

"B-because." And then he became awkward and shy. "I don't want you to hurt yourself. You won't ever hurt yourself, will you?"

"No. Of course not."

"Swear?"

Kurt hesitated slightly, and hoped his friend didn't notice. "Yeah, man. I swear." And the brown-eyed man smiled again, and Kurt felt good.

"Okay. Alright then. I'm sorry, I just had to ask."

"It's okay. Nice of you to be concerned."

"Now... how about playing that new song you just wrote, hmm?" Kurt smiled and nodded, happy to oblige, happy to make his friend happy. He began to strum...

But that was as far as the dream went, because then he was rudely shaken awake by Jeremy. "What?" he muttered blearily as he opened his eyes. "What the hell's your problem, man?" It only took one good look at the guilty expression on Jeremy's face, and Kurt guessed the truth.

"You lost," he said flatly.

"Kurt, I-"

"After you said you wouldn't." Kurt's voice began to rise.

"Please, there was this guy... I was so close..."

"No!" Kurt leaped off of the bed. "One week Jeremy, you couldn't even wait a week before ordering me back to bed again! And after you promised! So no, I'm not doing it, I won't!"

"Kurt. You know what will happen if you don't," he said quietly, and Kurt glare at him.

"Shut-up."

"The marks will fade..."

"Stop it, Jeremy. I'm serious."

"And She'll come for us. She'll take us away."

"Jeremy, just stop it!" Kurt shouted, and Jeremy fell silent. "How much money?"

"You have to understand, I was so close-"

"Fuck you! How much, Jeremy?"

He wouldn't look at Kurt as he answered. "Thirteen hundred dollars."

Kurt exploded. "For the love of Christ, Jeremy!" He cringed.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do! There was-"

"I know," Kurt snarled, cutting him off spitefully. "There was nothing else you could do, right? How about putting your own ass on the line instead of mine, for a change." Before Jeremy could think of a response, Kurt turned on his heels and went to storm out of the room.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

"To get some pain meds," he snapped over his shoulder. "If this guy's gonna be fucking me for an entire fucking month, I'm guessing that it's going to hurt."

"...Kurt..."

But Kurt had already left the room.

***************************

Siri gazed at Dave incredulously after hearing his story. "Do you have any idea what this means?"

"No," he groaned, exasperated. "But he was begging me to do it, so I did. What exactly did I agree to?"

"Oh dear." Siri sighed. "Your first week in the Afterlife, and you've already bargained for someone else's soul." Dave's eyes went wide.

"What did you say?"

"A soul. You own some person's soul. For a whole month, so it would seem. Didn't they explain it to you?" Dave shook his head. His face was steadily growing paler as Siri continued explaining. "When somebody here owes another person money, or anything else, really, they can flash their tattoo, which means ownership of their friend's soul is transferred for as long as the debt depicts. The larger the debt, the longer you keep the soul, to do with whatever you wish. It's quite horrible, frankly. But it happens. Especially in circumstances such as this - gamboling."

"But... but what friend? Who is this friend? And, and what's with the fucking tattoos everyone's got?"

"Everybody has somebody. It's always two together, that's how it's always been. Originally, long before you or I existed, the plan was that each of the deceased would meet their destined soulmate, but of course, it didn't work. Now, it's just anybody pairing up with anybody, and hoping they can get along." Siri shuddered. "In the case of this Jeremy person, he's using his ownership pf his companion's soul as currency. As a safety net to get him out of debt, and of trouble."

"That's so awful," murmured Dave, aghast. "I, I won't do this."

"You have to." Siri was insistent. "If you don't-" She shuddered again, and moved on. "Trust me. It will be better for everyone involved to just get this over and done with as soon as possible."

"But, but I-"

"It's too late, I'm afraid." Siri's eyes became distant for a moment, then suddenly sharpened, hardened. "Show me your wrist, Dave!"

"H-huh?"

"Your wrist. Show me your wrist." She grasped his arm with slender but steely strong fingers, and turned it over, studying his wrist carefully. She traced a vein with her finger, making Dave shiver. Her touch was cold. "Did you even try to make a friend, today?"

"I..." Dave swallowed heavily. "No. I, I kind of got distracted."

"This Jeremy. Does he know you're still Alone?"

"I, um, don't know."

"I doubt he knows you're Alone." She answered her own question, barely acknowledging Dave. "He never would have agreed to this if he did. Just promise me that if you see anything on your wrist, anything at all, that you'll show me, okay?"

"Wait. What sort of thing?"

"You'll know when you see it. If you see it. Until then," she hesitated, eyes deep and locked on Dave's. "Just be careful, okay?"


	4. Chapter 4

Dave looked down and read the address on the card, looked up at the door in front of him, and looked back down at the card again. It appeared he'd come to the right place, at least.

Which I guess is a good thing...

Sighing, awkward and nervous all over, Dave knocked on the door.

"Come in." The voice was quiet, a little muffled, and Dave felt as though he should have recognized it. He took the door knob and turned it, and it swung open silently.

The man inside was small and blonde. He was also wearing a strange, leather mask that covered the top half of his face. Dave gulped, getting some uneasy vibes. Some serious S&M, freaky bondage vibes. Oh, crap. The blonde regarded him tiredly. "So, I suppose you've come to get your money's worth?"

"I, uh." Dave desperately searched for something to say. "Um, my name's Dave. I' I won a bet against Jeremy, I guess."

"I know who you are."

"...Okay." This wasn't going well at all. Dave wished himself a million miles away from the awkward situation. "Well, um, J-jeremy sent me here, but-" His voice gave way when the masked blonde approached him slowly. "Ah..."

"Hush." He stopped mere inches from Dave. "You don't need to explain yourself. I know everything." He sounded rueful, and again Dave was stuck by the familiarity in his voice. "I do this all the time."

Do this all the-

But then Dave's brain froze, because the blonde was kissing him hard and fast.

"H-hey!' Flustered and shocked, Dave pulled away like lightning. "You don't just, what the heck do you think you're doing?"

"Sssh..."

"Get the fuck off me!" He pushed him away.

"Hey! What's the fucking big idea, pal?" The blonde man glared at Dave with piercing blue eyes, and ripped the mask off his face in frustration. "You've got nothing to fucking complain about, you're not the one who has to... who has to... um, are you alright?"

Dave could only stare mutely, eyes wide, disbelieving, jaw unhinged almost to the point of falling to the floor. He tried to speak, tried to do anything, and managed only a series of weak croaks.

Oh my God...

"Hello? Hey, man? Are you okay?" Dave took a helpless step back, stumbling and almost falling to his knees.

"...Kurt?"

Kurt frowned. "What? Did Jeremy tell you my name? That fuck, he knows I wanted to stay anonymous."

"Oh my God, Kurt..." But then Dave remembered something Siri had told him not long before. It's very rare for even the most in-love person to retain memories of his or her life for more than six months or so. And then he realized. Oh, Jesus. He doesn't remember me...

"What?" Kurt tilted his head, in that moment seeming and sounding so much like the Kurt he'd known. "What's the matter with you?"

"I..." Turning away, Dave wiped the stray tears from his eyes. "N-nothing's wrong, Kurt. Nothing." He turned back to the blonde, who was eying him with in that old, Kurt-ish way that he just had, and Dave found that he couldn't help himself. "Oh..." Moaning softly in the back of his throat, he reached forwards and pulled his old friend into a bone-crushing hug. Kurt uttered a small, choked exclamation of surprise, but reciprocated the hug, even if he was more than a little confused by Dave's bizarre behavior. Then, remembering what Dave was there for, he let his hands slide down his back and over his ass, and kissed his neck gingerly. Dave jumped with shock and make an undignified yelping noise. He squirmed out of Kurt's embrace.

"Dave..?"

"H-hey, no, wait. What are you doing?" Kurt drew back, looking almost as confused as Dave felt.

"Jeremy sent me in his place to settle his debt, as per always." He scowled blackly. "The shit. I'm supposed to let you fuck me for the whole month to get him out of his gamboling fuck-hole. And I'm sick to death of it!"

"Oh, no!" Dave exclaimed. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no! I don't want, I mean, I don't want to have sex with you!"

"Oh... well, why not?"

"H-huh?"

"Why don't you want to? What's wrong with me?" Dave's eyes widened and a blush spread over his cheeks as he struggled to explain.

"Oh, n-nothing. Nothing! I mean, I just, you know, you're not exactly a person who I'd wanna... I mean, don't be offended! You are, you're very, um, uh..."

"Oh! It's okay!" Kurt smiled with sudden understanding. "I get it." He laughed, and sat down on the bed, toying with his leather mask. "What a relief." Then he laid down, sighing, and glanced up at Dave. "But, but if you didn't want to... you know, then why did you take me for the month?"

"Well, actually..." He hesitated a little before sitting down on the bed. He felt strange being so close to Kurt after so long. "I didn't know what I was agreeing to. The truth of it is, I've only been dead a little over a week, now."

"Really?" Kurt was still Kurt; he still had the same old fascination with death. Dying himself hadn't seemed to lessen his interest. "How are you adjusting to it?"

Awful, I lost my wife and my daughters, and for some reason it hurts less and less with each passing hour. But he didn't say it, because as horrible as it was, it was far less painful to let it fade. "It's alright, I suppose. But there is this one guy I'm on the lookout for. A crazy guy in a leather mask who tried to shove his tongue down my throat." Kurt laughed, and chucked the mask aside. It hit the wall and fell down into some hidden space. For the next customer who came along? Who knew?

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that. But a lot of Jeremy's... associates, like that approach." A new light was forming in his eyes; Dave recognized it enough to guess what he was thinking. "How did you die?"

Oh, Kurt. How very tactful of you. I was thinking about your song. "It was a car crash. My fault. I got, ah, distracted."

"Car crash, huh?" Kurt looked away. "I shot myself. No idea why. I don't remember much about it."

But I do. Dave felt familiar pain in his heart. And I don't have any idea why, either. "D'you... do you remember anything about your life before that?" Kurt shook his head. Of course he doesn't. Dave scalded himself for daring to hope, and sighed.

"I miss my family," he murmured. He had no idea he was going to say it until the words were coming out of his mouth.

"I don't even know if I had a family or not," Kurt said in response, and caused Dave to realize something. This man looked and sounded exactly like the Kurt Cobain he'd known, but he was almost a completely different person to when he'd been alive.

He also knew that he was infinitely grateful to have any form of his friend back.

"So," Kurt eventually announced, glancing over at Dave again. "What are we going to do for a month, seeing as you don't want to..?"

"I don't know." Dave shrugged. "I don't even get why it's so important that we do this in the first place."

Kurt sat up, and rolled up his sleeve. "Here. I'll show you. He pointed out the little tattoo on the underside of his wrist, and Dave wasn't at all surprised to see it. "See, when you first get here and start mixing with other people, you're supposed to find someone you just click with, and then when you spend time with them, one of these tattoos will appear on your wrists. One for you, and one for your companion. Identical marks, unique to every couple." He grimaced. "Supposedly, your companion is the person you love above all others, but obviously, that doesn't happen all the time. Or even most of the time. And in extreme cases, like with Jeremy, for instance..." He trailed off, but Dave figured he had a fairly good idea of what Kurt was trying to say. There was something he still didn't understand, though, and voiced it.

"But why is it so important to find a friend, and have a tattoo on your wrist?"

"Because." Kurt looked at him solemnly and Dave felt the atmosphere cool a fair twenty degrees as they became tense. "If your tattoo ever fades, well, then She'll come for you."

"Who is she?"

"It doesn't matter. Not worth discussing." He stretched and hopped lightly off the bed, trying to dismiss his paranoia concerning Jeremy and fading tattoos. You don't love him. You don't love him. It's gonna fade. He pushed that away savagely. "No one's going to be coming for anyone any time soon, okay? You... you still have loads of time left."

But how much time do I have?

***************************

 

Kurt tried to slip into his room unnoticed, but of course, Jeremy was right there waiting for him. It made him seethe to think Jeremy had he nerve to ask him to do this, and then actually check up on his progress. "So. How was Dave?"

"Well." Kurt gave Jeremy a hard, calculated stare. And he decided to lie through his teeth. "Not so good, Jer." He sat down, pretending quite convincingly to wince with pain. "Dave's the dominant kind."

Jeremy raised an eyebrow. He looked disgruntled, much to Kurt's pleasure. "Dominant? Really?"

"Uh-huh." He suppressed a grin. In life, he'd been a fabulous liar. In death, he was no different. "He fucked me s-so damn hard, Jeremy. He wouldn't stop. T-the whole day, again and again. I, I bled fucking everywhere!" He sighed, and actually managed to work up a few crocodile tears. He was thoroughly enjoying himself. "Oh Jeremy, I don't know if I can do this for a whole month. I don't know if I'll be able to survive!" Jeremy actually looked a little concerned at this.

"Oh, hey, Kurt." He moved as if to touch him, but then Kurt moved away.

Now for the finishing touch, you sick bastard. "Sorry, Jer," he said mournfully. "But Dave doesn't want you to touch me as long as he's touching me. He says that he can smell you on me. He says you smell like shit." He smiled sympathetically, sweetly. "I don't think he likes you very much." Jeremy drew back, obviously fuming at Dave with no idea what to do about it. "Yeah." Wistfully, Kurt sighed. "If only you hadn't made that bet, huh? This never would have happened."

And he was having so much fun, he didn't even notice the itch crawling up the inside of his wrist.

 

***************************

 

Dave smiled to himself as he thought about Kurt. About how good it was to see him again. "Hey, Siri?" He called out, and just like that, she appeared out of nowhere and strolled towards him. Dave didn't even bat an eyelid. He doubted anything in the Afterlife could surprise him, now.

"What is it, Dave?"

"Guess who I saw today?" His eyes were shining, he was so full of enthusiasm, he just had to tell someone. And at the moment, Siri was the only someone that he knew.

"Let's see." Siri pressed a finger to her chin in mock-thought, and furrowed her brow. "I don't know. Could it have been... Kurt Cobain, perhaps?" Dave's eyes grew wide, and he pointed a finger at her in accusation.

"Oh my God," he declared, almost angrily. "You knew, didn't you? You knew all along!" She nodded.

"I know a lot about a lot. It's all part of the job description." Dave could have been annoyed at this, but he was too engrossed in his own thoughts. He'd started to smile again, dreamily. Thinking about Kurt. About seeing him again...

"He doesn't remember anything about me..."

"Yeah, but that's kind of a given, Dave. Kurt's been dead for what, fifteen years now? He's forgotten everything."

"I have a month with him." Dave was barely listening to her logic. "A whole month with him, you know? To get to know him all over again. For him to get to know me." Something in Dave's voice alerted Siri, and put her on guard. It was dangerous for him to be speaking in such a way, almost as if he believed...

She was as gentle and considerate as she could be. "Listen, Dave. You won't be able to make him remember. It's been too long. He's... different, now."

"I know, I know." But did he know? Siri didn't think so. Especially after what he had to say next. "It's just that I've missed him so much. And there's just something about him that gets me. There's something in there. Inside of him, still."

"How profound." And Dave couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or sincere. "But be careful, okay? Or you might get yourself hurt."

"I won't, though. I'll be careful."

***************************

 

The next morning, Kurt answered his front door to see none other than his new friend Dave standing there. His smile was sunny and open, and contagious. Kurt immediately returned the smile. "Hi, Dave. Nice to see you, again."

"Who is it?" yelled a voice from inside the apartment, making Kurt grin devilishly at Dave. 

"It's Dave, Jeremy," he responded, a reluctant tone creeping into his voice. "He's come to take me for the day, I suppose." As he spoke he made frantic hand gestures in Dave's direction, and the other man understood. He had a role to play in this. And, seeing that he'd pretty much disliked Jeremy on sight, he wasn't exactly dismayed to be doing it. He smothered his smirk as Jeremy entered the hallway and frowned at him. Jealousy crackled in the air like electricity, though it seemed to have more to do with card-playing skills than ownership over Kurt's soul. Which was odd, when you thought about it.

"Dave." Jeremy swallowed his bitterness, and tried hard to be civil. "Oh... hello."

"Good morning, Jeremy." Dave grinned charmingly, and almost snorted when he saw how much that offended the other man. Whoa, talk about sore loser. "I just came to pick up my Bitch. I'll be taking him back to my apartment, now." It may have been cruel, but torturing this guy was just too much fun to pass up.

"Yeah." Jeremy was hesitant. "Uh, listen man, do you think you could... go easy on Kurt today? I mean, you have him for a month, after all. You wouldn't want to wear him out now."

Yeah, how positively shitty would it be for you if he broke while he was still under warranty, and I demanded a refund, Dave sneered inside his head. It was official. Jeremy made him sick to the fucking stomach. Kurt stood so that Jeremy couldn't see his face, and winked craftily at Dave. And it was that wink more than anything that made him decide to go the whole hog. He seized Kurt by the upper arm and jerked him over, the blonde crying out in weak protest. "Sorry man," he said loftily from over the top of Kurt's head. "But a deal's a deal. I get to do whatever I want with him for a whole month. And if that includes ripping him a new asshole, then you'll just have to deal with it." The corner of Jeremy's mouth twitched, but somewhat wisely, he held his tongue. Dave, recognizing victory, offered Jeremy a departing grin before dragging Kurt out of the door and down the corridor.

He heard the door slam shut behind him, and released Kurt.

"Ow!" the blonde whined, rubbing his arm. "I mean, thanks for being convincing and all that, but did you have to be so fucking rough? Oh, and next time you call me your Bitch, I'll cut your fucking balls off, got it?" Dave gulped, but then Kurt grinned, and he knew it was alright.

Kurt pinched his arm teasingly. "Ha-ha. Gotcha, didn't I? I'm a pretty good actor, if I do say so myself." Dave smiled, but said nothing, and the silence between them turned suddenly stale and awkward. "...But yeah," Kurt continued, sounding more serious now. "I really want to thank  
you for, you know, not being like the others. And thanks for getting me away from Jeremy, for awhile." Dave spied the fading bruises on the back of Kurt's neck. The dark circles beneath his eyes. Things he hadn't noticed before, that made him sad. And confused.

"Kurt, I don't understand. Yesterday, you said that everybody here has a friend, and that your friend is a person you love. So why? Why Jeremy, Kurt?" Kurt gazed up at him neutrally, but his eyes still held enough of that subconscious intensity to unnerve Dave. "I'm sorry." He apologized almost immediately. "Don't don't even worry about answering that. It's none of my business."

"It's okay." That startled Dave a little. By his standards, prying into the personal life of someone you've known for less than twenty-four hours was anything but okay. "You're right to point it out, actually. And, it's really hard to explain." He paused for a long moment to demonstrate this. "What you don't understand is, when I first got here, I felt so all alone. I didn't want to be here at all, I didn't want to be anywhere, you see? And when I was feeling like that, Jeremy was there. And now, he's all I've got." In a softer, more hesitant voice, he added, "Fuck, I don't expect you to understand loneliness like that."

"But I do." Dave was thinking of his wife, Jordyn. Violet and Harper. His band. All the people he'd left behind. "I miss my family." Kurt eyed him sympathetically. Dave was struck down bu how he could be so familiar yet so different at the same time.

"I know you do. But it will get easier. Trust me, it gets easier." Kurt smiled, but his smile was a little sad. "Call me crazy, but I'm getting the strangest feelings coming from you."

Dave was intrigued. "Strange like what?"

"I dunno... I guess what it is, or part of it, anyway, is the way you talk to me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I guess it sounds like, like you already know me, or something. Not even Jeremy talks to me like that, and I've been living with him for the best part of fifteen years."

"Oh." Dave flushed a little, and felt very warm all of a sudden. Foolish. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be. It's... refreshing." Kurt chuckled. "Who knows? Maybe I'm just not used to people being kind for no apparent reason. It's a nice change from being screwed around all the time, I can tell you that much. But I swear, there's something about you Dave, that's almost familiar. But I guess that's just me being insane, right?" Before Dave could even think up a reasonable reply, Kurt gave himself a sort of mental shake, and decided a change of subject was in order. "Anyway, forget that. I was rambling. C'mon and let me show you around this place. It's not so bad, once you get used to it." Dave simply nodded, and allowed himself to be led away.

His head was buzzing, and he could feel the onset of real excitement fluttering down in the pit of his stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

Oh, and a warning to you; I think this is gonna be a long story. If you have trouble being patient, turn back, now. To give you some idea, I'm about a third of the way through the story after this chapter.

"Please! Open the front door, Dave!"

"Fuck off, Kurt. I don't want to see you right now." Kurt leaned up against Dave's front door, frustrated tears in his eyes.

"Please... David." Try as he might, he couldn't keep the desperation out of his voice. "I, I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me. I can't stand it when you're angry at me." His plea was met by more hostile silence, and he hated it more than anything. Taking a deep, composing breath, he tried again. Tried so hard. "Listen... I've been doing some thinking, Dave. I don't want to ruin my life with drugs. I don't want to die anymore, Dave... I don't want to make you watch me die. Please, Dave. God. Just open the door for me, please!" The wall of silence continued, and Kurt held his breath, trembling all over.

And then -

"Kurt." The door opened just the slightest bit, and Dave peered out at him. Kurt's heart leaped up just to hear Dave utter his name, that one, little syllable.

"Hello, Dave." Kurt's voice was soft. He tried to smile. "Will you talk to me?"

"Are you clean?"

Kurt was a little taken aback, but not put off. This was the longest time he'd spent in Dave's company for four days, now. He wasn't about to fuck it up. "I'm, well..." He decided to answer truthfully. "I'm sober."

"That's hardly the same thing, Kurt."

"Will you talk to me?" Kurt simply repeated his question, being as patient as he possibly could be. The drummer hesitated for a long moment, then quietly offered an answer.

"Okay, then." He sighed, opened the door further, and stepped aside to clear the doorway. "I suppose you'd better come in." Kurt finally got a look at his young friend, and was shocked at how pale and drawn he appeared to be. He couldn't help but wonder how much of that was his fault.

"Thanks." Kurt shuffled into Dave's apartment, and although their eyes didn't meet, they shared a small smile. And maybe it wasn't so hopeless, after all. "Thank you, Dave. I won't forget this." Dave turned away, awkwardly.

"Just come in, already. And sit down." 

 

***************************

The night club flickered with lights every color of the spectrum, and some Dave had never seen before. The music was so loud it seemed to have it's own pulse, it's own heart beat, and people everywhere (as Dave was beginning to suspect they always did) were gamboling and drinking and having a shitload of fun. But, unlike that first night at the card table, Dave felt absolutely no desire to join in. Last time he'd done that, he'd ended up accidentally buying someone's soul.

Then again, he thought, glancing at the blonde beside him. Maybe that's not such a bad thing after all.

Kurt caught his glance, and smiled back at him, but he seemed very tired all of a sudden. Dave looked into his tired, bloodshot eyes, and for reasons he didn't understand, was forcibly reminded of the family he'd left behind. He felt a stab of guilty pain, and then alarm at how quickly the pain was fading, like an old, yellow bruise on the skin. Even the alarm was beginning to fade. Next, he would lose his memories. Everything.

Oh Jordyn. Violet. Harper. I love you all. I'm sorry.

But he knew he would forget, and soon after that, forget that he'd forgotten. It was eerie, but at least he wasn't alone. It would have been a billion times worse had he been alone. And he knew, as long as Kurt was with him, he would never, ever lose his memories of his friend. Those were branded in his mind like, well...

Like a tattoo, for instance.

"Kurt," he muttered, and his friend gazed back at him blearily. "Are you alright, Kurt?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine." Kurt smiled again, but his weariness was more obvious now. His mask may have been enough to fool another man into believing he was alright. But it wasn't enough to fool Dave. "I just had a bit of a rough night."

"Dreams again?" Dave guessed straight to the point, and Kurt nodded. "About me?" He nodded a second time.

"Hope it doesn't creep you out."

"Not at all." But in truth, it kind of did. Not because of the fact Kurt dreamed about him, heck, Dave had dreamed about Kurt so many times that he'd lost count, but rather because he believed Kurt's dreams were actually memories. And that, of course, wasn't possible.

Plus, Kurt's hand kept moving to his tattooed wrist and rubbing it in a way that Dave didn't like. He remembered then what Siri had told him, and decided to speak up. "Hey, Kurt..?" But that was as far as Dave got on the subject.

At that exact moment, all the lights went out. Simultaneously, all the music stopped. Concerned murmurs and shrieks burst out from all directions of the crowded club. Dave peered into the darkness, blind, disoriented from the sudden lack of light and resulting claustrophobia. His old, intense fear of closed-in spaces returned with a vengeance, and he was suddenly riddled with images of stuck elevators and coffins nailed shut. He moaned quietly, and found himself automatically nudging closer to Kurt. He could hear his friend's fast paced, shallow breathing, and wondered if he too was experiencing the overwhelming sense of claustrophobia.

"Kurt," he gasped in a strangled voice. "What's happening?"

"Oh God. Fuck." Kurt pressed against him, and to Dave, it sounded like he was drowning in blackness. "It's Her! She's come!"

"Who Kurt?" Dave felt the first hinting of panic inside him. "Who?"

"Iris."

"F-fuck!" Dave lurched forward, crying out harshly as bolts of pain rippled up and down the right side of his body. His head felt like it was gushing blood, but when he touched tentatively with his fingertips, they came away dry. "Kurt! W-what's happening!?"

Kurt whimpered through his pain and clutched at his head. It felt like there was a bullet lodged in his brain. No, make that two bullets. One for Jeremy, and one for himself. "It's H-her. S-she does this. Comes... and you feel the pain of how you died. Your pain and, a-and your friend's pain. Oh God, m-my fucking HEAD!" But despite the agony, Kurt still felt bitter relief. He could still feel Jeremy's pain. His death. They were still connected. Which meant, for the time being, Iris couldn't take him.

"Kurt!" Dave could feel it, could feel the truck slamming into the side of his car.

'Smells Like Teen Spirit' was playing on the radio.

It was Kurt's song.

He could feel metal passing through his body, tearing him limb from limb, turning his bones to jelly. He felt it all. And in that moment, he wanted to die all over again. "Kurt! Oh, K-kurt! Please... help me!"

"D-dave!" They huddled together, clinging in pain and darkness, taking small comfort in the closeness. Thousands of other couples in the club did the same thing, calling out desperately for their partners, rushing to meet in the darkness, embracing furiously, feeling the holes in their hearts slowly begin to mend. Kurt and Dave, who had no such connection, could not heal, and had to make do with holding one another, trembling and waiting for it to be over.

Now, hideous flashes of even darker, more sinister darkness was passing across their vision, or lack thereof. Dave smelled something terrible; a mixture of dry, rotting leaves and spoiled fruit, and he knew that if he saw the source of what was making that smell, he would go completely mad. It was Iris, She had come. Someone was Alone. And Iris had come to claim what was rightfully Hers.

Eventually, She found Her prey. A woman calling out more desperately than any of the others, calling for a friend she no longer had. She was screaming, and crying. She must have known, Dave realized. She must have known who, or rather what, was coming for her. Her tattoo had faded. She was Alone.

"No, no, please! Give me a chance! Give me another chance!!" But there was no chance to be given. All others in the room felt Iris approaching, and shied away, groaning, groping for their partners.

"Jeremy," Dave heard Kurt moan sickly, and he could only hold him tighter.

There was an almighty scream, whether from Iris or the poor doomed woman, no one could tell. The whole room screamed back in echo, in fear, in terror, and fell to the floor.

Then the atmosphere settled, and lights flickered back on. Iris, and the woman, were nowhere to be found. All that remained were three drops of crimson blood, staining the floor in the center of the room. Three drops. No more.

"Oh, thank God and Jesus Christ. She's gone...."

All across the room, people were picking themselves up off the floor, holding their loved ones securely, murmuring words of comfort and vowing to always be together, always, that they would never ever end up like her. And each person deliberately averted their gaze from the blood on the floor.

"Oh my God!" Dave fell against his seat. He felt sick to the stomach. "What... the fuck.. was that? That woman! She... she..."

"Iris. She-" Kurt went to say more, but found that he couldn't speak. He shivered all over, pale and clammy, before slumping forward onto the table. Dave exclaimed, and moved over to him.

"Kurt!"

"Je...re...my..." he muttered brokenly, twitching, and Dave felt fear burning his throat like acid.

"What? D-do you need Jeremy? Do you need to be with Jeremy now?" Dave was beginning to understand just how deep the concept of companionship in the Afterlife actually ran. "Kurt. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes." His voice was without strength, he wasn't even able to lift his head up to look at Dave. "...Be okay. Just, just need to, rest." He took several deep, labored breaths, and was able to speak more normally. "Just do me a favor, okay?"

"Anything."

"H-hold me."

And among the thousands of people huddled on the floor, crying and comforting and murmuring, Kurt and Dave held each other.

It was the best they could do. 

***************************

"I'm sorry about tonight." Kurt walked up and down the corridors, leaning on Dave's arm for support, trying to get his strength back. "About earlier. I"m so, so sorry you had to see that."

"It's... okay." Dave shuddered. "But I don't think I can talk about it just yet."

"Of course. I understand."

"There's just one question, I have to ask. H-how ofter does, does that happen?"

"I've only ever seen it twice in my time here." Kurt was weak, very solemn. Sad. "Tonight was the second time."

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm afraid."

"Me, too."

"I think I understand now," Dave murmured. "About the importance of finding a friend."

"Everybody has somebody. Never fade away." Kurt rubbed his wrist self-consciously. "Oh, Dave. I'm so afraid of what's going to happen, between this month and the next."

"I'm sorry. This is all my fucking fault." And Dave's apology was so heart felt that Kurt almost melted. There were tears in Dave's eyes, that made him look innocent, like a child.

"No. Don't apologize. It's not your fault, you weren't to know. Don't worry, really. It will be okay." His eyes lit up then, as inspiration struck him. I've never told anyone... but Dave deserves to know. "Hey, listen. I think I know a way to get our minds off of all this... if you wanted to."

Dave was curious. "Of course I do, but how?" Kurt's face was worn and weary, but it brightened so much when he smiled.

"Let me show you." 

***************************

Dave stood at the edge of the balcony, looking up into the night sky, weaved through with misty clouds. He sighed a little. The view was gorgeous.

"Step up."

"Kurt?"

"Trust me. Just step up." Kurt's words were low and hypnotic, impossible to resist. "Trust me." Dave trusted, and gripped Kurt's arm for balance, more than just a little confused. He stepped precariously over the railing, and balanced on the thin ledge on the far side.

"Don't you dare let me fall, Kurt!"

"Don't worry. You're not going to fall." Then the blonde was stepping lightly over the railing beside him, and there wasn't anywhere near enough room, and Dave felt himself lose his balance.

"KURT!"

"You're not going to fall." Kurt grasped Dave's waist lightly, and Dave shivered, a cool touch against warm skin. Kurt kept a hold of him until he was sure Dave had regained balance, and then let go and leaned back a little, tugging his shirt up and over his head, and letting it drop carelessly from the balcony. It fell forever, and Dave felt sick watching it. He shrank back against the smaller man, and brushed inadvertently against the smooth, bare skin of Kurt's chest. The warmth radiated through Dave's back, and suddenly, he forgot about being sick, forgot about falling, about Iris, about... about everything, really.

Then Kurt's arms were back around him, and Dave found that he didn't mind a bit.

"Do you trust me?" Kurt's voice was a whisper.

"Yes." Dave was mesmerized by it. "Of course."

"Then close your eyes." He silently obeyed, and shut his eyes against the endless expanse of midnight sky. He was no longer scared. Until... "Dave..." Kurt help him close. "Step off the balcony."

"W-what?"

"It's okay." Dave's breathing became a little faster when he realized Kurt was being serious. "Trust me. It'll be okay. I'll look after you." He breathed into Dave's neck. Dave shivered. "Trust me. Step off the balcony, Dave, just step off."

"Don't... don't drop me."

The blonde arched his back, smoothly. "You know I would never do that. Don't open your eyes."

"K-kurt." Trembling with suppressed fear and adrenaline, Dave pressed himself securely into his friend's arms.

And he stepped off of the ledge.

"Oh my God!!" he screamed, and then laughed out loud as his stomach dropped, because all of a sudden, he was in the air, and they weren't falling, they were going up. Dave looked down, and screamed again when he saw the balcony below them, looking so tiny and so far away, and he clutched to Kurt so hard his knuckles turned white. "Kurt! Oh, oh fuck! What the fucking hell?!"

"It's okay! It's okay!" Kurt laughed into his ear, holding him up as they ascended. "I've got you, Dave!"

"K-kurt!" Dave glanced up at him, and cried out for a third time. "Jesus! Kurt!"

Protruding from Kurt's back was a pair of giant, silver wings, beating with a strong and steady rhythm. Dave felt faint, his head was spinning. And just when he'd though nothing else in the Afterlife could surprise him. This is just... crazy. It's crazy. He can't be... he can't have...

"Are you okay, Dave?"

"You're... you're an angel!" Kurt laughed again, and swooped, and Dave gurgled and whimpered. "A, a Goddamn real as fuck angel! How the heck did that happen? W-when did this happen?" Cold wind flew into Dave's face and whipped through his dark, tangles hair, pulled at his clothes, bit and stung his skin. But Kurt's hands were still there, the comforting constant, there to save him.

"I'm not an angel. What kind of romantic bullshit is that?" He grinned cockily. "I'm just lucky, I guess." Dave giggled, giddy, dizzy, and they hung suspended in mid-air. Holding on very tightly to one another, now.

"K-kurt..."

"You sure you're alright?" Kurt surveyed Dave's flushed face and wild, bright eyes. He looked like a junkie after his first high. A virgin after his first orgasm. Something along those lines.

Dave gaped at Kurt's shimmering wings. "They're beautiful," he breathed, in awe.

"Yeah." Kurt agreed absently, and made them plummet suddenly.

Dave screamed with delight all the way down.


	6. Chapter 6

To Dave, it seemed like all eternity, hanging suspended in the air in Kurt's arms, but eventually their feet found solid ground again. And Dave, for one, was a laughing, shaking mess.

"So, so you can just what, make them appear at will?" The blonde nodded, making Dave exclaim happily. "Oh man, that's so fucking cool!" Then Dave remembered himself, and had a glance at the platform they'd just landed on. They were outside a large, circular room at the top of a very tall tower, the tallest Dave had seen yet. The clouds were all far below them, a sea of greyish-purple carpet, but the sight didn't even make Dave feel queasy. He seriously doubted he would ever be afraid of heights again. Not now. "Where are we?"

"This is my place." Kurt led his friend into the apartment. "Not the place I share with Jeremy, but the place I come to be by myself, to think, sometimes." Dave nodded, understanding perfectly what he meant. "There's no other way to get up here, no stairs, no elevator, nothing." He smiled slyly. "Flying's the only way to travel." Dave giggled, then gaped when he saw the inside of Kurt's apartment.

"It's so awesome!"

"I furnished it myself."

The apartment had no walls dividing it. It was one huge, circular room, covered from end to end in stone tiles but with a pile of thick, fluffy rugs heaped at one end, and a set of comfortable looking armchairs and a roaring fire right by it. An impossibly huge and comfortable looking bed dominated the center of the room. Which left the end furthest from Dave, in which there was a deep bath set into the stone floor, and the end adjacent Dave, which held...

Dave grinned, amused. He admired the fine selection of guitars hanging on the wall, and the stellar drum set sitting proudly beneath them. Kurt saw where he was looking, and smiled sheepishly.

"I added those after you told me about the different kinds of instruments. I really like them." He snorted. "Now I just have to learn to play like you."

Play like me. Dave never though he'd see the day when Kurt would be admiring his musical skills. It was surreal, to say the least. But he didn't mention this. "It's a really nice room, Kurt." Dave took it all in, and with a pang, realized he never wanted to leave. "Why don't you just live here all the time? It's so perfect." Kurt's face darkened, and Dave wondered if he'd said something he shouldn't have.

"Because, my Jeremy's afraid of fucking heights."

"Oh." He sighed, and glanced sideways at the blonde. His slim torso was still bare, and his body glowed in the dull fire light. And then Dave realized something. Kurt truly had become an angel, in the purest sense of the word.

He was beautiful.

"What are you looking at?" Kurt went to him, smiling, but his eyes weren't smiling. There was something sad, maybe even whimsical, in his eyes. Dave wanted to smile back, but his mouth was frozen.

"Nothing. I, just... thanks for that fun. Thanks for bringing me here. And thanks, thanks for making me feel so good."

"No problem." Kurt felt his wrist twinge painfully in low warning, and he tried his damn best to ignore it. It was plaguing him. Scaring him. Jeremy.

Especially after seeing Iris in action, as much as he wanted to forget that ever happened.

"You okay?" Kurt had been quiet for a long moment, and Dave was concerned for him.

"Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm good." But then the blonde contradicted himself by sighing. Dave moved closer, both of them now bathed in the glow of the fire. The room was very warm. Everything was warm.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Dave touched his arm for reassurance. Kurt gazed back at him silently, blue eyes blazing, and Dave was hit by memories of what Kurt used to be like. His friend, his band mate. Alive. And for some reason, remembering that friendship they had once shared made Dave feel very conflicted inside. Conflicted for a lot of reasons. Some of which he had no desire to know or understand.

"Dave," Kurt murmured, voice soft, eyes gentle, and Dave then noticed how closely together they were standing. Sharing each other's space. Much too close. "You, trust me, don't you?"

"Yes. I jumped for you."

"And I didn't let you go."

Dave's breath hitched in his chest. "That's right. You didn't." Kurt's eyes had lost some of their sadness, but they were still steadfast and solemn. Not dead eyes, at all...

"You trusted me then." Even closer, too close to ever be allowed, Dave's stomach performed an uneasy backflip but still he didn't move away, he couldn't move away. "Trust me now, Dave." His head tilted forwards, in slow motion. Everything lost it's focus yet became remarkably clear at the same time. Dave seized up.

"K-kurt!"

"Ssh." And then his lips and Dave's lips were together, only light and chaste, but a kiss is still a kiss. Dave's mind melted, stupefied him to the point that he could barely process how incredibly soft and warm Kurt's lips were. Such perfect lips.

Then he came to his senses.

"N-no!" He broke away. "What are we d-doing?"

"Dave!" Kurt reached for him stubbornly, drawing Dave's head down to his, and kissed again. Harder. faster. deeper. Dave's rough beard scratched against the curve of Kurt's cheek, but the blonde loved it. He kissed harder. It overwhelmed Dave and he promptly fell into Kurt's arms; the little man was small but incredibly strong, and the kiss deepened, and two mouths swiftly became one. Dave shuddered, pressing deep. Already, he was addicted to Kurt's taste. He was addicted to Kurt, period. He spasmed a little when he felt the desire coursing through him, and then his body was no longer his own, doing whatever it pleased. Of their own accord, his hands grazed across the smooth skin of Kurt's back, over his spine, making Kurt arch and moan. Kurt gasped softly into Dave's open mouth. He filled Dave with a kind of sweet heaviness he'd never felt before, but knew he'd have to feel again.

"K-kurt?"

"Dave?"

Their mouths separated, but their foreheads stayed pressed up against one another.

"H-how can we? How can this..?" Dave was flustered, and fevered, but Kurt soothed him.

"Hush now. It will be alright. It will." And they kissed again. 

***************************

It was deep in the early hours of the morning by the time Kurt crept back down to his room, dropping off Dave on the way. They'd said good night, both grinning like a couple of idiots, and kissed again before parting.

Kurt smiled to himself. Dave was a great kisser.

His tattoo twinged, and Jeremy turned from the bed to stare at him coldly. "Iris came," he said flatly, and then Kurt remembered.

"Oh, oh my God," he groaned. "Jeremy, I-" But Jeremy was far from interested in excuses.

"You were down there when She came, weren't you? You were, don't bother answering. I could feel it. I could feel your death." He shuddered, obviously angry yet listless at the same time. "It was awful. I was so sure She'd come for us. And when it was over, and She left, I was sure that you'd come for me, and we'd heal together." He paused, and the silence drew out like a blade. "But you never came."

"Jer, please."

"Shut up. I know were you've been. You were with Dave. That's all you ever do. You spend time with him, you're his whore. Did you let him fuck you, tonight? Did you suck his cock?"

Kurt flamed. "You have no right to ask me these things, since this was all your doing in the first place-"

"My tattoo was killing me today. It's gonna fade! You keep this up, and it will any day now! Iris will fucking come for us! You're killing us both here!" But that was too much injustice for Kurt to swallow. He rounded on Jeremy, infuriated past the point of no return.

"This is your fault! This is all your fault! You use me as fucking leverage! And you lost the fucking bet! You sold me to him! He owns me for the rest of the month, and it's all your fucking FAULT!!" Kurt cried out, brain boiling with rage. "Well fuck you, Jeremy. Fuck you!"

"No, why don't you go fuck Dave? Let's see what he does to save you when your tattoo fades and Iris comes to collect!"

"You know what?" Kurt spat in a poisonous whisper. "I-" But then he cut himself off, jerking convulsively, as a tremendous bolt of pain struck both Jeremy's and his own wrist simultaneously. They both howled in pain. Kurt fell to his knees, his muscles weak. He was trembling. "Jer," he murmured once he trusted himself enough to speak. "Please. We have to stop. We can't keep on fighting like this. We have to stop, for both out sakes."

"It's too late for that." Jeremy had fallen back against the bed, and his face was deathly pale. "We can't save ourselves, now. It's over." Kurt could only watch him helplessly from the floor. "It's only a matter of time, now." The blonde felt a powerful mixture of anger and guilt, as Jeremy opened his arms. "Come here." Kurt went to him, and crawled into bed, fell into his arms, and some time later, under the gaze of the rising sun, they finally got the healing they so desperately needed. 

**************************

"Dave!" Siri called out, and ran to him, concern etched all over her face. "Oh Lord, She was here, wasn't She? She was near you! Are you alright?" Dave looked up at her. Despite the recent encounter of Iris, there was a small, dreamy smile playing about his lips.

"He kissed me," he said incredulously. "We flew and then he kissed me." Uh-oh... Siri eyed him cautiously.

"Kurt? Do you mean to say you kissed Kurt?" She watched as the smile enveloped into a grin, and she had her answer. "David! What exactly do you think you're playing at, huh?"

"...He's a great kisser..."

"It's not safe, Dave. You're becoming too close to him."

"...The softest, nicest lips in the whole universe..."

"If you keep this up, he's going to get hurt. No good can come from this."

"...Silver wings. So beautiful..."

"Dave!" Siri snapped, her tone so harsh it was practically a command, and Dave jumped like he'd been scalded by boiling water. "Snap out of it for a second!" She shook her head slowly. "I don't believe it. How could you do this? Do you still not understand the risks involved?"

If there was one thing that ruffled Dave's feathers, it was being told off. He immediately became defensive. "Hey, would you relax? It was just one kiss. Just one kiss, Siri. Besides, it, it was an accident." What an excuse. Siri snorted in her disbelief.

"Just an accident. Oh yes, I believe that very much." Her voice dripped with sarcasm. "Dave, it's obvious. I see the way you look at him. I hear what you think. And I know he was your friend all that time ago, when you were both alive. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being his friend once more. But..." And her words slowed as she began to choose them more carefully. "Don't you think it could be a possibility that what you once felt for Kurt, is well, is turning into something more?" She watched for his reaction apprehensively. He gaped at her.

"What? No! No, it's not like that at all. I mean, he's very, I dunno, nice and all, but you've got to understand. Kurt's my very good friend. He always has been, and he always will be. But, but I don't think I could ever seriously think about Kurt in that way. It's far too... I don't even know how to explain it..."

"You kissed him, though."

"He kissed me, actually." Dave was quick to defend himself.

"Yeah." And now, Siri was smiling a secret smile that Dave didn't particularly trust. "But you kissed him back, now, didn't you?" He opened his mouth to argue, but after a second, promptly closed it again, admitting to himself that this time, he might not have an argument.

"I... suppose you're right," he muttered in a begrudging tone. Siri was silent, and Dave felt compelled to go on. He hated that Siri had that kind of power over him. "It's so strange though, and you'll have to bear with me, because I don't really know how the hell I'm going to explain it."

"I've got an eternity to listen, Dave."

"Right." Something about this made him feel very uncomfortable. Why does she care so much, anyway? "Well, uh, oh fuck, where do I begin? It's... it's almost like Kurt's a completely different person. Or rather, two people at the same time. On the one hand, he's the old, sweet, troubled Kurt that I remember from fifteen years ago, the great friend I once had. And I don't think I could ever think of that Kurt in a sexual way, not seriously, because I think of him too strongly as a friend. But then, there's the other Kurt, the new Kurt, who I'm just getting to know now. He's... he's very different."

"Different how?"

"Well, I think I might be attracted to him." Siri raised her eyebrows and blinked coolly. Dave blushed. "And don't get me wrong, Kurt's an incredible person as he is, but..." And a touch of guilt crept into his voice. Dave hesitated, looking lost.

"But what, Dave?" Her question encouraged him gently.

"But, but I really miss my friend." Dave was inspecting the ground carefully, as if fascinated by it. "And I'd do anything to have him back."

"Kurt really likes you, you know."

"Yeah." Dave's shoulders slumped. "I really like him, too. But I know, I know that if he still remembered me, then he wouldn't like me how he does now."

"Dave?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

He sighed. "I suppose so."

"Make sure Kurt treads carefully, alright? He and Jeremy still share their connection. I felt it last night. But it's weak, and I fear they may have already given up hope. Please... you have to help me look after Kurt. I don't know why, exactly, but it's vitally important that he stays safe. Soon, something is going to happen. And I need you both to be around when it does."

"What, Siri?" Dave was fearful. "What's going on? What's going to happen? Just tell me, tell me what's going to happen!"

But Siri couldn't tell him. She didn't know herself. 

***************************

Kurt glared at Dave with hatred. Real hatred. So intense it was frightening.

"How could you do this to me?" he spat, wounded, but Dave remained steadfast.

"You did this to yourself, Kurt. You wouldn't get off the drugs. We told you what would happen, but you were heedless. Now, this is the only option we have left."

"Fuck you. Traitor."

"Believe that if you will, but rehab is the only way for us to ensure you live through this."

"By blackmailing me?" Kurt was desperate and wild. "By taking away everything I have? Leaving me with nothing? You, you're not saving me. You're fucking killing me."

"Kurt-"

"You're destroying everything! You all are! Just... just get out of my house and leave me alone, you fucking bastard! Get out of here!"

"Kurt! Shut up and fucking listen to me for a second-"

"No! You've said enough! I don't want to see you anymore, any of you! Get out! Get out of my house and leave me the fuck alone! You're fired. You're all fucking fired!"

"Kurt!" They made a grab for him.

"N-no!" The blonde was frantically struggling, his eyes glazed over, insane. Then his gaze fell back to Dave, and locked on him, and they filled with a poisonous rage. "You! I hate you!! Get out of my house and I never want to see you again! You fuck! You cunt! I hate you!"

Dave fell back, stung. "Kurt, please-"

"Shut up." Kurt was sobbing in anguish.

"Kurt-"

"I hate you, Dave, I hate you and I hope you fucking die!"

Dave broke. "Kurt! Shut up, you fuckwit!" He rushed at Kurt and his flailing fists lashed out at him, searching, hitting, just wanting the stupid singer to shut up for a second so he could tell him how much he loved him.

"Dave! No!"

He realized what he was doing then, and jumped off of Kurt with a terrified cry.

The unresponsive, unconscious singer fell to the floor. 

***************************

There was to be no beating around the bush, to put it one way. To put it in another, more straight-forward way, Dave had decided it was time to clue Kurt in on what Siri had been telling him. "Kurt? Can you sit down with me for a sec? There's something I wanna talk to you about."

"Can it wait?" Kurt's eyes were shining with enthusiasm. "Because there's this thing that I really want to show you."

"But Kurt-" The blonde cut him off with a gentle kiss, and Dave gave up on resisting as Kurt's lips caressed his own in that perfect, special way.

It was irresistible.

"Dave," he breathed warmly. "Let me show you, before I lose my nerve."

"Your nerve?" But Kurt had already bounded away, and was returning with the shiny, new acoustic guitar Dave had given him.

"I wrote a song, Dave."

"What?"

"I wrote a song."

Already? But Dave's amazement only ran so deep. On another level, he wasn't that surprised at all. Playing guitar was one of the many things Kurt was naturally good at. Another was kissing.

"I had to turn it 'round the other way though, cos I'm left-handed and all." He sounded almost apologetic, and this time, Dave was surprised. He'd completely forgotten Kurt was left-handed. He'd taught himself how to play a right-handed guitar, all on his own.

"That's... that's perfectly fine, Kurt." And with that, Dave had forgotten the urgency of their talk. "I'd love to hear your song."

Kurt beamed. "Cool." And he played.

Dave was immediately blown away.

"I will never bother you  
I will never promise to  
I will never follow you  
I will never bother you

Never say a word again  
I will crawl away for good."

Dave bit back a moan. Of course, he instantly recognized the song. Whether Kurt remembered or not, a part of the old him that Dave had known was still locked away inside, somewhere. Had to be.

Kurt was playing one of the last songs he'd written before passing away. 'You Know You're Right'.

Dave held his tongue and his breath, completely silent. Kurt went on, singing in that beautiful, husky voice that Dave was so completely in love with.

"I will move away from here  
You won't be afraid of fear  
No thought was put into this  
I always knew it would come to this

Things have never been so swell  
I have never failed to feel."

Dave shivered.

Kurt sang.

"Pain... pain  
Pain, you know you're right  
You know you're right,  
You know you're right."

Kurt opened his eyes, and saw the expression on Dave's face. "Hey, are you alright?"

"H-huh?"

"Did I suck? Aren't I doing it right? Gee, I'm sorry. I don't want you to have to sit here and listen to shit."

"O-oh!" Dave composed himself as best he could, and rushed in to soothe Kurt. His mind was still a fuzzy mush from listening to Kurt's gorgeous song. "It's not shit. It's not shit at all." He sighed, and his breath hitched a little in his chest. It was painful and nostalgic. "On the contrary, it's a beautiful song. You play wonderfully, Kurt."

Kurt blushed a deep red. He was very, very pleased. "Really? Thanks."

"The pleasure is all mine. Really." They shared a smile, and the atmosphere changed suddenly and all at once. Kurt moved close to him, and rested a hand lightly on Dave's thigh. The touch was something electric.

"Dave."

"Kurt." Their open mouths melted together, and they shared their oxygen. Kurt shifted, he let one of his hands toy idly at the nape of Dave's neck. It felt cool and sensual. Dave felt his mind and body beginning to lose themselves to Kurt's master touch, and it took all of his will power to break himself free of the spell. He placed a hand on Kurt's chest, holding him back. "Kurt." He broke the kiss. "Wait."

"What's wrong?" Kurt crooned, breathing into Dave's ear. Dave's mouth went cottony dry, and he almost lost himself again.

"W-wait, Kurt." The words came out as a garbled moan. "We need t-to talk about this."

"I don't want to talk." Kurt was stubborn. He began to kiss the crook of Dave's neck, parting his lips, sliding his tongue up and down and over damp skin. Dave's head fell back and Kurt steadied him with his hands. "Don't be scared, Dave. It's okay."

"N-no." Dave's eyelids fluttered, he was feeling the onset of incredible desire now, with pangs so sharp they hurt, and made him feel faint. "Not... okay. Kurt, p-please. Listen." But Kurt didn't listen, deciding instead to make a meal out of Dave's stubbly jawline. "This is too...  
d-dangerous." Kurt finally stopped ravishing his neck and sat back a little, regarding Dave with a wide, oceanic stare. Dave found that soulful gaze to be almost as hard to resist as the kisses on his neck.

"Dangerous?" Kurt feigned confusion. "Dangerous, how?"

"Kurt." Dave was getting his breath back, finally. "Don't play dumb. You know full well why this is so dangerous. What about Jeremy? What about the tattoo? Iris? Everything?!"

"Don't worry about stuff like that, it can't hurt us."

"But it can hurt us!" Dave pleaded with Kurt to understand. "Kurt, I need you to realize that, that I just don't want to lose you a-" But he shut his mouth over the words before he could say again.

"Dave." And the blonde was becoming impatient. "Would you stop worrying, already? Sex isn't going to hurt me." He suddenly became filled with spite. "I've been having sex with people who aren't Jeremy for fifteen years, now, and it hasn't hurt me yet. Well at least, not in that way, it hasn't."

"But that was different."

"How was that different?" Kurt challenged him, and he began to doubt himself.

"Well... you had sex with those people because Jeremy was in their debt."

"Jeremy's in your debt, too."

"Yeah, but..." Dave was feeling more and more insecure. Kurt's indifference was unnerving him. "But it's still different. Because all those times, you did it because you had to. They asked you to, made you." He paused. "I've never asked you to. All I've done is stopped you."

"Why?" Kurt was defiant, curious, insulted, all rolled into one. "Don't you want me?"

"That... that isn't the issue, here. I think the problem is, you want it.. And, and I don't think you're allowed to." Dave backed right off as Kurt's eyes narrowed to become chips of ice.

"Oh," he snapped dryly. "I see. Oh yes, that's fair, alright. Jeremy can use me to pay off his fucking debts, and that's fine, but if I actually begin to enjoy spending time with someone, and not detest what they're doing to my body, then it becomes a crime?"

"Hey! I didn't ask for this, okay?" He had to defend himself. A part of him was aching, where Kurt had violated him. It's just like all the other times... he sees me as being the same as Them... he doesn't really care. "All I'm saying is that if you want to be with me instead of being with Jeremy, then you're going to get hurt."

"You know what I think?" Kurt's voice was low and silky. And as dangerous as Dave had ever heard it. "I think you just don't want to be with me, because you don't want to have sex with me."

"Well, you know what?" Dave snapped right back. "You're spot on. I don't want to have sex with you, I've never wanted to have sex with somebody less in my fucking life! And you know why? I'm fucking scared, Kurt! If you haven't noticed, I don't have a tattoo yet, either! I have to get out there and find my own friend, because I have no intention of ending up like you and fucking Jeremy. And if you were half-way sane, you'd do the same." But Kurt wasn't prepared to take any of that.

"Hey, hold on for one fucking minute. You make it sound as if I'm doing this out of my own free will! I'm only here because you own me, remember?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Dave wasn't yelling anymore. A great sadness had overtaken him. He doesn't even want to be here... and why would he? It's not like I ever even asked him... "I never owned you, Kurt. I won't force you to stay."

"Oh, really?" Dave's anger may have dissipated but Kurt's was in full swing; he felt humiliated and appalled. Oh God, he thinks I'm a fucking whore. Probably because I am. He was angry at himself. Angry at Dave. Angry at Jeremy, at fucking everything. "Well if it wasn't for the fact that you owned me, I most definitely still wouldn't be here!"

"Well then." Dave turned away. "Why don't you just go?" No don't say that no don't you SAY that! But he couldn't stop himself in time. And then it was too late to take it back. Kurt glanced up at him, and he was broken.

"Fine then."

And without looking back, he left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Siri sighed to herself, her eyes closed. She was in the middle of a very serious internal debate.

They're too close for their own good. You know that. And if you don't separate them, then Iris will come for them, and She will take them away forever.

And Siri knew that should have been the end of the argument; it was simple, logical, undeniable, but somehow, it wasn't. For some unidentified reason, a reason even the ten thousand year old soul didn't understand, it just wasn't the end of the argument. There was... more to it.

They are supposed to be together.

Too bad. It's too late for them to be together. Kurt has Jeremy.

But still... Siri pressed her fingertips to her temples, trying to piece it all together. She knew that Kurt and Dave importance would be revealed to her when the time was right, but for the time being, she still had no idea what it was that linked the two men together, or why it was that they were linked so strongly.

She hoped that in time, it would become clear to her. She hoped that in time, she would have the answers.

It plagued her to know how attached Dave was to Kurt. And vise versa. She was fearful of what would happen when the month was up, and Kurt would be required to go back to Jeremy. Like a lamb to the slaughterhouse...

She feared Dave would be crippled, unable to find a friend of his own. And then, then Dave would be no better off than Kurt or Jeremy.

"What's going to happen?" she pleaded to nobody, her tone strained. "I don't understand what I have to do. Do I let them be together? Keep them apart? And what happens when Iris comes, what then? What am I supposed to do?"

Everybody always finds someone.

Yes. And they shouldn't find just anyone. They should find the right one.

That's not how it works.

But it's how it's supposed to be. I'm sure of it.

Dave...

***************************

 

"No."

"But David!"

"No! I refuse to even go anywhere near that... that man again!"

"But-" Siri searched for means of persuasion. "But your month. It's, it's not over."

"Fuck the month. I don't care."

"But Dave!"

Dave let out a tired sigh. "Listen, Siri. You were right, okay? I was spending too much time with him. It's time I started looking out for myself." He hesitated, then squared his shoulders in resolution. "That's why I've decided to start going out, every day, Until I find myself a friend of my own. Someone with whom I can spend the rest of eternity with." It hurt him a little to think that person wouldn't be Kurt, but he let that go. After all, it was only a week ago he'd been mourning the loss of his Jordyn. Perhaps soon, he wouldn't remember Kurt at all.

"Oh." Siri was uncertain, but decided it was for the best if she didn't interfere, for once. "And, and you're sure about this, are you?"

"Most definitely."

"Well. Okay." She felt uneasy. "But, if you don't mind. Please, just tell me. What exactly did Kurt do to cause all... this to happen?" Dave gazed at her nakedly.

"He... he wouldn't wake up, Siri." Another sigh dropped from his throat, and Siri could hear in that sigh the breath of a hurting man. "You know. In this whole place, you're the only friend I have." Siri smiled at him. There were tears pooling in her eyes.

"I'll always be your friend, David. And, I'm sorry, that it didn't work out with Kurt."

"You warned me. I, I guess it just wasn't possible. He has Jeremy, now. He has no need for another friend." He almost collapsed then, but gave himself a mental shake just before he could. "It's time for me to find a friend of my own." 

 

****************************

 

Dave watched Krist's expression with dawning apprehension, dying to know the news. Dreading to know the news.

"Krist? Was, was that about Kurt." But Krist could only stare numbly, his eyes haunted. "Krist?" Dread had turned to fear. "Krist! Was it Kurt? Did they find him?"

"Dave." Krist was hollow and lifeless, and he looked as though he was about to fall apart. "Kurt... he's dead."

Dave's legs unhinged, and he gripped the table to stop himself from falling. He thought he'd heard wrong. Was sure he'd heard wrong.

"Wh-what did you say?"

Krist shuddered, running his hands through his hair. His finger nails were ragged and in most cases bitten painfully down to the cuticle. Two of them were bleeding.

"K-kurt," he croaked, but his voice gave out, and it was several heart-wrenching moments before he could try again. "Kurt died, Dave. He,  
h-he..." Something inside of him rolled over and died. He could no longer construct whole sentences. "Suicide. S-shot himself."

Now Dave fell, table or no table, the ground rushing up to meet him. A private place deep inside him howled in pain. Then he realized it was his heart.

"What?" For all the emotion blazing away inside him, his voice, in contrast, was a strengthless whisper. "D-dead?"

He's dead.

Then he remembered how to scream.

"Kurt! No, no, it's not true. Fuck it, K-kurt! You f-fucking bastard..."

The truth decimated as it hit; the truth felt no sympathy, the truth pulled no punches. The truth was uncaring, merciless, and cruel. And it tore Dave apart.

"I'm sorry, Kurt."

He laid against the floor, his heart breaking and spilling out, flowing in the tears from his eyes. 

 

*****************************

 

Alone in his bed sat Kurt. He was filled with fear, yet somehow resigned to his inevitable fate, and he just stared and stared at the inked drawing on the pale, vein-threaded underside of his wrist. He stared for a very long time. Wanting to be certain that what he was seeing was real, and wasn't just a nightmarish hallucination of some sort. He hoped to God that it was a hallucination, but in his heart, he knew that it wasn't.

Yes, it was definitely fading. Only lightly, slightly, so slightly that he probably could have fooled himself into thinking it was all in his imagination, if that had been his intention. He was sure that other people wouldn't notice. Jeremy would notice soon, if not already, but for the moment, he didn't care. He just wanted to be left alone.

To fade away in peace.

The tattoo was a shade paler, the ink was beginning to fade. He felt stone cold fear deep in his chest, like he'd swallowed a lump of ice, but it was also very dull, and Kurt was extremely confused about why he hardly seemed to care about his impending demise.

It just... doesn't seem so important to go on anymore, for some reason.

He grunted, and let his arm fall carelessly back into his lap. He laid back against the bed, staring at the elegantly carved ceiling.

This is all his fault. This is all Dave's fault.

How, how dare he make me feel this way? Nothing gives him that right!

"Fuck you," he muttered in a flat, emotionless voice. His tattoo was snarling and itching and irritating to the point of driving him insane, but even that wasn't enough to rouse him. "Fuck you, Dave. Fucking fuck you. How dare you make me feel this way? What gives you the right to decide this type of shit?" But as passionate as the words were, or rather, as passionate as they should have been, there was no passion in his voice, no anger, no conviction. He felt hollow inside. Everything was pointless. Mechanic. Clinical.

First, the tattoo begins to itch and irritate. Then it starts to twinge. The twinge turns to a snarling, burning pain. And then, then it finally begins to fade. You feel the onset of apathy and depression. You feel fear. You wish you could kill yourself and get it over and done with, just to put an end to the waiting, the long, endless period of unknowing which is by far the worst part. It's just like dying, except you're already dead, so you can't really die again. And slowly but surely, it fades until there's no trace of it left, like it never even existed. And you fight. You fight and scream with your partner and try to claw each other's eyes out because when it comes down to it, there's nothing else you can do.

And then She comes, without a warning of any shape or size to prepare you. Iris comes. The true Angel of Death, without a doubt. And when She comes... She comes to you, and She cuts you open... and She takes your soul.

And you cease to exist.

"Oh, Jeremy."

Oh, Dave. 

 

***************************

 

"Can I buy you a drink?" Dave offered to the blonde woman sitting beside him. She glanced over at him, blinking coolly, and then smiled.

"You talking to me, stranger?" She quipped, and Dave tried his best to be enthusiastic.

"That I am."

"Well, in that case..." Her smile widened a little to evolve into a bright, toothy grin that was actually quite attractive. "I'd love for you to buy me a drink. And thank you very much for asking." Dave summoned the bartender, who had appeared like smoke by the counter.

"A Rusty Nail," the blonde woman ordered. The bartender nodded, and turned to Dave.

"Er, just Crown Royal for me, thanks." The bartender turned away, and Dave was left alone with the blonde again.

"Thanks again," she said. Dave smiled in half-hearted response, but couldn't put in that much of an effort. It was ridiculously hard to pull off something even as simple as a smile.

Another generic response exchanged for another generic response. When will it end? "No problem." He shifted on his bar stool, feeling a tad awkward with no clue what to say. "So... What's your name?"

"Britney." She smiled again, and despite the flawless attraction in those white, even teeth, Dave was already beginning to tire of her. Britney and her good cheer. Barf. "How about you? Do you have a name, stranger?"

No. My parents were mute, they didn't give me a name. "I'm Dave. Dave Grohl."

"Pleased to meet you, Dave Grohl," she chirped brightly as the bartender returned, thankfully, with their drinks. Dave threw some loose change at the guy all in a hurry, and downed his glass quickly. Boy, in that moment, he needed a drink. He glanced around his glass to eye Britney and her blinding smile.

Great. Now what?

Who cares? Dave thought dully. I don't think I could be friends with a girl like this, anyway. She'd drive me nuts in less than a week.

And her teeth are so bright the glare is starting to give me a headache.

Ms. Britney White-Teeth.

And with that, he asked the first question that popped into his head, one which was evidently popular but also widely regarded as inappropriate and rude. "So Britney... how did you die?"

She arched one of her carefully plucked eyebrows, and Dave could have kicked himself. Well, he did, mentally. Gee, Dave, what an intelligent and insightful little question you've managed to come up with.

"Well..." Even though it seemed to put her off her game a little, Britney was a good sport, and decided to answer anyway.

Britney the Blonde.

Britney White-Teeth.

"I actually died in a boating accident. I drowned. Don't remember much, other than that." And a touch dryly, she added. "How about you, Dave Grohl? How did you die?"

"A truck ploughed into the side of my car." Britney nodded absently, and Dave, realizing the conversation was going nowhere, decided to ask another mindless question and save them both from the increasingly awkward situation he'd created. "So, uh, what did you do before you died?"

"Um, I was a dentist, I think." Figures. Dave eyed her teeth, and wasn't surprised. "But I don't know. I remember a boat. And that's all I remember, just in case that was your next question." Dave nodded - it was all he could do - so she continued. "I've been here for almost two years, now." She downed her drink, and Dave wondered if she felt anywhere near as uncomfortable as he did. It was kind of hard to tell. "How long have you been here?"

"About two and a half weeks, actually."

"Is that all?" Britney seemed surprised, but also understanding, as if all his stupid questions were forgiven. Of course, he's just a  
new-comer. He doesn't understand. "Well, let me just say that you're adjusting very well, seeing as you've been here less than three weeks."

"Thank you."

"Found a friend, yet?"

"No, not yet," Dave muttered. Already, he was sick and tired of the whole friend thing. "I'm looking."

I'm actually looking for one right now, since you mention it.

"I remember when I first met my friend," Britney continued fondly, and Dave felt his heart sink. Not that he'd been rating his chances with this girl very highly, anyway. "It was during my fourth week. I'm really glad I worked up the courage to just go up and talk to him. I almost didn't, you know." Dave grunted noncommitally, and stuck his nose in his drink. But he wasn't really paying attention.

The conversation had become meaningless to him.

 

***************************

 

Jeremy stood over him, but Kurt suddenly didn't care what he was planning on doing to him. It wasn't like it mattered, anyway.

"So." Jeremy's voice was as dark as his mood. "It's finally happening." Kurt's returning gaze was blank and faceless.

"I suppose it is."

"My tattoo began to fade today."

"Mine did, too."

Jeremy's brow furrowed. "And you're just gonna lie there? Jesus, Kurt, don't you have anything to fucking say?"

"Hmm." Kurt mockingly pretended to think it over. "No, I guess not." Jeremy scowled, and Kurt felt mild annoyance penetrate his grey haze. It was the first emotion he'd truly felt for a long time. "Look, Jer, what do you want me to say? That I'm sorry? Because I will, if that will make you feel better."

"Words can't make me feel better, Kurt. Iris is coming for us."

"Yep."

"And there's nothing we can do about it."

"Nope."

"Kurt..." Jeremy was exasperated, he wanted to shout and rant, but he suppressed that, trying to remain civil. "Maybe we shouldn't give up hope. I mean, things have been bad before. And you're not seeing Dave, anymore." He paused, and scrutinized Kurt carefully. "You're not seeing him anymore, are you?" Kurt shook his head, masking the unhappiness it brought him. "We're spending more time together now, we're healing. And maybe, if we just hold on, then everything will be alright."

"I don't know, Jer. I seriously doubt that's how it works."

"But it''s worth a try!" Jeremy couldn't contain himself any longer. "Jesus, Kurt, but isn't it worth a fucking try? Why are you so eager to give up when you haven't even tried yet?"

Because, Jeremy, it isn't worth a try. Because, I'd rather disappear than spend my time with you. What he said was, "Because it's useless."

"You don't know that!" Kurt didn't bother responding, so Jeremy continued. "You know what, I've been doing some real hard thinking, lately. About all this shit. And you know what I think about all this? Well, remember when you said this was all my fault, because I sell you to people and then you let them fuck you, because you have to? Well, for all the years it's been going on, nothing like this has ever happened. Nothing's gone wrong. Until now-"

"Just drop it, Jeremy."

"So why now, Kurt? What is it about this Dave guy that makes you go all weak at the fucking knees? Why is he different to all the others? Do you like him? Do you have a Goddamn crush on him?"

"Don't be so ridiculous, Jer."

"Jesus." Jeremy's voice was low, incredulous. "What are you, fucking in love with him, or something?"

Kurt took a much-needed breath, readying himself to speak, when a half-sob hitched painfully in his chest. It took a lot of will power to repress that sob, but he managed it. "Don't... don't be so stupid, Jeremy. You know it's impossible for me to fall in love with someone else." He held up his tattooed wrist as a token of his proclamation. "I'm yours, Jer. I'm owned. I belong to you, to you, always. And I will, right up until the moment I fade away."

"Prove it to me."

"...What?"

"If you're still mine, then prove it to me."

"I don't-" But then Kurt understood what Jeremy was asking of him, and his stomach cramped up in revolted protest. But he had no choice. Whether he consented or not, Jeremy would have him. He cringed to himself, and sat upright on the bed. Jeremy towered over him, and Kurt moved so that he was sitting directly under the standing man. Jeremy's eyes bored into his own, so dark in his lust they were almost black, and Kurt knew if he looked into them too long, he would probably burst into tears.

"Kurt..."

"Close you eyes," Kurt murmured in a soft plea, and for once, Jeremy did what he was told. Kurt found that with his eyes closed, it became just a little bit easier to complete the task required of him. He moved forward, his hands fumbling with the front of Jeremy's pants, and he undid the button and slid down the zipper.

"Yes..." Jeremy hissed, moving his hips against Kurt's hands, and the blonde man felt very sick. He peeled Jeremy's jeans from his hips, noting with distaste how his boxers were tented from his erection, and then jerked the boxers down, too. "Now, Kurt." Jeremy was urgent, and needy, and for a moment Kurt felt the overwhelming urge to bite his cock clean off. He pushed that thought away as quickly as he could. But not quickly enough to prevent it from tainting his mind.

He placed his hands on Jeremy's hips to steady him. Then he hesitated.

I can't do this.

I have to. I have to do this.

I can fucking do this.

Holding down his nausea, his disgust, and his deep sense of shame, he brought his head forward and down quickly, and took Jeremy's erection far back into his mouth.

He sucked.

"O-oh." Jeremy opened his eyes and saw the blonde head buried in his crotch, and he almost came undone. "Kurt. Oh, Kurt."

Kurt did his best to block out the sounds, the taste, and the feel. He did his best to think about something else, to transport his mind into far away places, and somehow make the current situation more bearable.

What he came up with surprised him.

He was thinking about Dave.


	8. Chapter 8

Well... this is take two. Hopefully, things will work out better than they did with Britney.

Dave sat and chatted with the girl, a fiery red head with beautiful, pale skin, and this time, he actually felt good about how things were going. She was nice. She was unattached. And she was interested in him, or so it would seem.

"And you've been here less than three weeks?" She marveled at him. "That really is amazing."

"Yeah." And Dave was thinking about Jordyn, and how different his wife was to the women in the Afterlife. How she was so genuine, and easy to talk to.

Dave had panicked when he'd woken up that morning, woken up from a nightmare to discover he couldn't remember his wife's name. It had taken him an entire sixty seconds to remember, and those sixty seconds had been some of the scariest he'd ever experienced.

"Dave?" The red head interrupted his thoughts gently, and he stirred. He was almost grateful for the distraction. "Is everything alright?" He wanted to sigh but repressed it, and nodded. She smiled back at him sweetly. "Well, what's wrong, then?"

"I-" He searched for an adequate reply, but before he could think of one, a very familiar laugh floated from across the room and deftly penetrated his brain.

What?

He turned his head, confusing the girl he was with, to search for the source of that familiar laugh.

Then he found it, and was so shocked he nearly tumbled right off his chair.

Sitting on one of the club lounges, entwined in each other, was none other than Kurt and Jeremy. Kurt was sitting in his companion's lap, a glass of alcohol in one hand and a fistful of Jeremy's shirt in the other, laughing with apparent delight at something witty the other man had just said. Dave felt his insides snarl at the sight of the spectacle, uncomfortably hot all of a sudden.

"Dave?" The red head was calling ut to him, but it seemed to come from very far away, and Dave barely even registered it. Let alone cared.

"H-huh?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." He couldn't take his eyes off the two men playing on the couch together. Jeremy was kissing Kurt's neck, lowering Kurt against the lounge until he was bent almost double. Dave shuddered with revulsion. It was almost as bad as watching them fuck. Dave could just imagine watching them fuck. He loathed it. "I'm... fine."

Then they kissed, and it caused Dave's brain to overheat. He was almost ready to storm over to them and do something drastic, like pull Kurt off the lounge and proceed to beat the living shit out of Jeremy, but then the impulse died.

Because Jeremy was kissing Kurt's neck again, and Kurt was tilting his head, and his eyes and Dave's eyes were suddenly locked.

"No," Dave whimpered vehemently, and wrenched his gaze away. He felt sick and weak and incredibly flustered. Goddamn it, Kurt... He turned back to the red haired girl, who was offering him a quizzical glance, and he seized her hand suddenly. Her eyes widened.

"Dave-"

"Listen. What's your name?"

She was puzzled. "My name's Melanie. But what's wrong, Dave? You look as though you've just seen a gh-"

"Melanie." His voice was low as he overrode her. "I have to get out of here, right this minute. So..." He didn't want to do it,but his jealousy was making him irrational. Stupid. The image of Kurt with Jeremy was burnt into his retinas, etched into his brain. "So, do you want to come back to my place with me?" Melanie just stared at Dave, who was, in her opinion, eccentric to the point of almost being mental, but also ferociously cute.

And she made up her mind.

"Alright."

"Great." Dave pulled her up from her seat and guided her across the nightclub floor, towards his apartment.He was still grasping her hand tightly.

"Dave?"

"Yeah?" He turned to Melanie, and her eyes were full of female intuition. She knew something wasn't right.

"Are, are you sure that this is what you want, Dave?" she asked lowly, and Dave thought about his life. Thought about Jordyn. Thought about Kurt.

"Yes, Melanie," he replied in the most genuine, convincing voice he could muster. "I'm sure."

"Alright," she murmured back, and allowed herself to once again be led away by Dave.

From across the room, on a club lounge, Kurt watched Dave leave the room with a red haired girl, and felt his heart sink a little in his chest.

 

***************************

 

Jeremy threw Kurt down against the bed, and climbed onto him, naked skin against naked skin. Kurt's breathing was hot and heavy, and his hair was spread all over the pillows like golden silk.

"Jeremy," he crooned in a low, urgent voice that was dripping with sexual desire. "Now, Jeremy. Fuck me. Oh, please, fuck me so hard!" Jeremy ran a hand down over Kurt's slender, milky white body, and the blonde encouraged him with deep, steady moans that seemed to reverberate around the room. Jeremy grasped his slim hips with both hands and Kurt arched up smoothly, presenting himself to his lover in his entirety. "Do it. Take me, now."

Jeremy didn't need to be told twice. He gripped Kurt's waist tightly and guided himself in. Kurt stared up at him, and his eyes were deep and blue and shining with adoration. He was grateful for Jeremy's attention. He wanted to be fucked.

"Oh, yes, Jeremy. Yes. That's it. That's it!"

Jeremy bowed his head and began to thrust in and out, in and out of Kurt's sleek passage, groaning with the effort. After so many different men, Kurt was still beautiful and tight where it counted. Kurt gasped as he was filled, and gave himself completely to his lover, running his hands up and down his sides. The blonde's breathing intensified, his collarbone defined in a sheen of silver sweat, his eyes twin windows to his soul. And his soul was on fire.

Jeremy whispered, "Oh, Kurt."

Kurt whispered back, "Kiss me."

And Jeremy kissed him, open mouth pressing urgently down, down, but when they eventually parted for air, Jeremy wasn't Jeremy anymore. He was more muscular, and longer in the body, with a mane of dark hair and a scruffy beard to match. His shoulders and the back of his neck was covered in tattoos.

He was Dave.

"Kurt," he moaned, grasping at his lover in pleasure, a pleasant, perfect storm raging on inside him.

"Dave." And then Kurt was chanting his name like a mantra, and it was wonderful. "Dave, oh, Dave... please..." Kurt threw his head back and cried out, every muscle in his body poised and taut, and beautifully sculpted. Dave moved atop of him, close to the edge, his brows furrowed, his eyes wild. "C-close..." Kurt dug his nails deep into Dave's sweat soaked skin. "Oh, oh God... God..."

"Kurt..."

"D-dave."

Their bodies locked together and control collapsed.

"YES!" They came together, in unison, riding the wave of climax, calling nonsensical things to each other as they went up, then down.

"Oh, Dave!"

"Kurt. I love you, Kurt, I-"

Dave bit back a groan, and pulled himself out of his fantasy. He let his head drop into his hands. Sitting on the bed beside him, curious, Melanie observed his strange behavior.

"You can't do this." A statement, not a question. Dave turned to her, fearing her watchful gaze, and crumbled.

"I'm sorry, Melanie. I, I guess I can't. I thought I could, because you're so... really special, and everything, but, but I guess I just can't. I know it's cliche, but it's not you. It's fucking me, really."

"Hey. Relax, Dave." She was understanding, and Dave felt relief to the point it was overwhelming. "It's okay, I'm not mad, or anything." She smiled to demonstrate just how un-mad she was. "No offense, but if you want to find a friend who can be a sexual partner to you also, maybe you should consider, well, dating a man."

"Maybe." The more he thought about it, the more it made sense.

I couldn't bring myself to be with another woman, not after Jordyn. I couldn't be with the blonde, I couldn't even sleep with Melanie, even though she's interested and attractive and available. So, so maybe I just don't go with women anymore. Maybe I should find a man to be with. I could be gay, I could be gay, easy.

I could deal with that.

"Anyway," Melanie hopped gracefully of the bed, filled with a femininity that Dave suddenly didn't care for.Now the thought had been brought to his attention, it seemed so obvious. Of course. A man. "You're a sweetheart, Dave, and I really like you. I hope everything works out okay for you."

"Thanks. For being so understanding."

"Don't even worry about it." She smiled again, widely. And they shared a brief kiss. "See you around. And good luck. Not that you'll be needing it."

 

*************************

 

"I want to fuck, Kurt." Jeremy was not known for being subtle. He pulled Kurt to him but the blonde resisted, pulling just as hard in the opposite direction. Seeing Dave in the club earlier that night had done something strange to him. It had unnerved him. And now he couldn't get the expression from Dave's eyes out of his head. Wide, innocent eyes. Alive eyes.

It had been a very disquieting moment.

"No, Jer, I'm too tired. Can't we just go straight to sleep, tonight?"

"Oh come on," Jeremy pleaded. Kurt hated it when he pleaded. Mostly because he knew beneath the request, it was always a shrouded demand. "I'm so fucking horny!"

"Jer..." He tried to use reason.

"How about just a blow job?"

It was at this point Kurt would have usually given up, and done what he was told, but this time, he couldn't. He kept seeing Dave's eyes. So he resisted some more. "I gave you a blow job, just last night."

"Yeah, but truthfully, it sort of sucked."

Kurt was insulted, but he tried to make light of the situation. It wouldn't help to sulk. Knowing Jeremy, sulking would probably turn him on all the more. He raised an eyebrow in jest. "I always thought the whole idea behind a blow job was to suck."

"Come on, you know what I mean."

"Yeah, you're right. I do. I quite frankly, I find it rather offending."

"Oh, fine, then!" Jeremy rolled his eyes, in a my, my, how ungrateful we are today manner, like Kurt was a kid who wouldn't share his toy. "No blow job, then. Could you at least jerk me off?"

"You've got hands. You can do it yourself."

"Kurt!"

The blonde sighed. "Listen, Jer, I'm sorry, but I really, really don't want to do this right now. I'm just... not in the mood I guess. But I'll make it up to you later, okay?"

"I could make you," Jeremy said suddenly, in a voice that wasn't his own. Low, sweet, and dangerous. "I could make you do it, you'd be on your back, screaming..." Kurt blanched and his control almost broke, but then he would have been had, and he knew it, too. So he fixed Jeremy with the hardest stare he could muster, and stood his ground.

"I know you could, Jer." He spoke plainly, neutrally. "But you're not going to, are you?" Jeremy make no effort to respond, and Kurt took this as a sign to go on. He cleared his throat, and the dangerous atmosphere almost entirely dissipated in that one moment. Control over the situation had shifted once more. "I'm going to go for a walk, now. I need to clear my head." He didn't want to be around when Jeremy decided he was horny enough to take him by force, after all. He braced himself for an argument from his companion, but received none.

"Sure. You do that."

"I'll be back later, Jeremy." Jeremy said nothing, did nothing, and Kurt actually had to step around him to get out the door.

He stole away without another word.

 

***************************

 

Siri smiled at Kurt, feeling nervous about something for the first time in goodness knows how many years. She was unsure as to what Kurt's reaction to seeing her would be. But she doubted it would be good. "Hello, there, Kurt. Er... long time, no see." Kurt stared passed her, then finally at her, and he recognized who he was seeing.

"You," he mumbled, and it wasn't all that hard to tell his mood from his tone.

"Do you remember me?"

"Obviously. You woke me up. You took the bullet out of my head."

"Yes, that's, that's right. That was me, Kurt." Siri smiled wider, a two thousand dollar, fake as fake smile, and figured, to but it in blatant human terms, that she was fucked. Double fucked, maybe even. "I'm surprised you remember that, Kurt. You must have a good memory."

"You waking me up was probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

"Well, hey. I wasn't the one who pared you up with Jeremy Gates."

"Yeah, well, you didn't exactly warn me about him, either. 'Find a friend'... what the fuck is that? I didn't want a fucking friend. And you didn't even warm me about what was going to happen."

"What was there to warn you about? Your file showed that you liked it when men took advantage of you. You let them do it to you all the time, when you were alive." She folded her arms defensively. "Jeremy seemed like your perfect match, so there was no reason to interfere, if that was even an option in the first place. Which it isn't."

Kurt saw through this instantly. "That's not true. You're interfering right now!"

Siri sighed, but she couldn't help but smile wryly. "Nothing gets past Kurt Cobain now, does it?" But he wasn't amused by her stab at comic relief. He simply glared mutely, forcing her to continue, "Anyway, that's beside the point. I have a purpose in being here. I hear that as of now, Dave and yourself are no longer seeing one another."

"What do you care?"

Charming, Kurt. "Normally, I wouldn't, but there's something at work here. Something's been telling me that it's important for the two of you to stick together."

The blonde shook his head slowly. When he spoke, he sounded flat and lifeless. "I don't really care, Siri. I"m just not associated with him anymore. And he-" He swallowed a painful lump in his throat. "He's better off without me."

"He hurt you, didn't he?" Siri cut straight to the heart of the matter, knowing it would hurt but with no patience to soothe. Kurt hissed, but said nothing. "You offered yourself to him, you were vulnerable, And for the first time, someone actually turned you down. He turned you down."

"No."

"Then why are you no longer speaking to him?"

"He needs to find a friend, remember? Remember the fucking establishment you and your ancient buddies came up with, Siri? Not only that, but I also need to restore my relationship with Jeremy, due to your other bullshit rules!" He slumped, and the fight went out of him as quickly as it had appeared. "If it's still possible to do so."

'"Kurt." Siri moved close to him. "Show me your wrist." Reluctantly, Kurt held his tattoo up for inspection. He hated looking at it. By now, the drawing had visibly faded, and were becoming an unhealthy shade of blue-grey. A bruise, an imprint of its former vibrancy. As it's color dulled, Kurt grew more and more apathetic. Siri's eyes widened a little, and she was sad. "I didn't realize you were so far along."

"Is there any hope for us?"

"I'm honestly not sure."

"You know, no offense, but for a mystical, spiritual being, you don't really know very much, do you?" This wise-crack made Siri smile, and then things became a little easier between them.

"Thanks a lot." Kurt quickly relented.

"Sorry. It's not like it matters, anyway."

"How are things with Jeremy going?"

"Better than it was before, I suppose. Well, better for him, at any rate." His voice faltered, and lowered in his confession. "H-he, he asks for sex all the time, now. I want to say no. But now I'm afraid, if I do..." He gestured to his tattoo, and Siri nodded, but that was only the half of it. Kurt knew he wasn't really big or strong enough to stop Jeremy from doing anything he pleased.

"When he asks you for it, it embarrasses you, doesn't it?"

Kurt refused to look at her as he answered. "Yes," he whispered. His face, which was usually so pale, was flushed red.

"Kurt... is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"No.." He thought about it. "Well, yes... but I'm afraid of what the consequences might be if I happen to say it." He still wasn't looking at her.

"Well, don't bother. Thinking is an equal crime to speaking out loud. If it's on your mind, you'd might as well tell me, as the damage is already done. And who knows?" The corners of the mouth twitched. "Maybe this mystical, spiritual being can do something useful, for a change."

"I doubt you could help."

"Come on. Try me."

"I..." He trailed off, rethought his response, and started again. "I just wish... really wish... that it wasn't Jeremy that I'd ended up with. I wish..."

"You wish you had Dave." Kurt heaved a sigh, and nodded. Then Siri was silent, and the blonde grew more and more uncomfortable.

"Aren't you going to tell me how hopeless that is, and how it's vitally important that I stick with Jeremy and remain true to him and all that sort of shit?"

"No. I'm not." Kurt was so surprised by this, it shut him up. "To tell you the truth, I don't think you and Jeremy are meant to be together, either. That was a mistake. But you and Dave..." She tested the words in the air. They sounded right together, even to Kurt, they sounded right. Curiosity was ignited deep within him, and he found his voice again.

"What is it? What about me and Dave?" He searched her face for the answers, but it offered none. And she only gave him more questions.

"Well... how do you feel about him?"

"I, I don't know, exactly..." He was distressed; he ran a hand through his dirty blonde hair, absently combing it. "It's... it's just weird with him. More weird than anything."

"Weird how?"

"Well, I dream about him. Only, he's different. He looks different, er, that is, not how he looks now. Here. I, he's younger, for starters, a fair bit younger, but he's got that damn beard, s-so it's hard to say..."

"How about getting to the point, Kurt?"

He glared daggers at her, but took the hint. "The dreams are strange. It's almost like they're memories, or something like that."

"What happens in the dreams?"

"You sound like a psychiatrist."

Siri sighed. She was quickly tiring of his attitude. "Just answer the question, Wise Guy."

He made an immature face at her, but wasn't really all that put off. "Fine, then. Let's see... um. The first dream I had, I think, we played music together, and he was worried about me. Then, in another dream, he got really angry at me, and he wasn't talking to me, so I ended up going... somewhere. To see him." He frowned with concentration, struggling to remember it all. "And, and um. I was taking drugs. I didn't stop, even after they asked me to. And, and I got really mad at everyone. I think I ran away at the end. And then..." He trailed off, his voice far away and very vague.

"And then what, Kurt?" Siri was hanging off of his every word. Kurt wheeled back slowly to face her, and seemed to wake up from his temporary daze.

"And then... and then I think I died. I think I killed myself."

"You did?"

"Uh-huh. Shot myself in the head. That part, at least, I know is true." He was quiet for a few more moments as he pondered, and finally asked Siri the question that had been plaguing him for some time now. "Siri, I need to ask you about something." He took a deep,  
self-composing breath. "Is there something, anything you could tell me about myself? You know, from when I was alive? Is, is any of the stuff I just described real?"

"Kurt. You know I can't tell you that."

His voice was desperate, and hard to resist. He could be childish when he wanted to. And plead with the best of them. "Please, Siri, there has to be something you can tell me. A clue, a fucking idea, something. There's so much I don't know, don't understand. Like, why would I even kill myself in the first place?"

"Kurt-"

"I don't understand. What could make me hurt so much as to do something like that? And what about the people I left behind?"

"Kurt, please-"

"And what about my dreams? What about Dave? Why am I dreaming about him?"

"Kurt!" She called sternly, and the questions stopped flowing. "I know, okay? I know how confused you are, and I know you don't understand. And I know you want answers. But I can't tell you. I can't tell you, Kurt. Not about your life, not about Dave, nothing. And I'm sorry. But it's not my choice to make." Kurt sighed dejectedly, and put his head in his hands, the curve of his shoulders slumped and broken in defeat. Siri hated seeing him this way.

"I'm so confused."

"I know." Siri felt badly for him. "But, but I think you should take your dream as a sign of sorts. I can tell you that much. You should find Dave. I know it's risky and of course you don't want to endanger yourself, Jeremy or Dave by seeing him again, but honestly, I don't think you're supposed to be apart. Something about this whole scenario is very, very wrong."

"But." Kurt digested this. "But, but what should I do, then?"

"Go find him?"

"How? Where? Where do I find him? What will I say?"

Oh, Kurt. I can tell you that, too. And Siri told him everything she knew. Everything she could tell.


	9. Chapter 9

Dave was paralyzed. Paralyzed with grief, with a nameless totality. He had no idea what to say, what to think, what to do. He had to keep reminding his lungs to draw breath, just so he didn't suffocate in his paralysis. He shuddered. It was cold. He felt like a stranger in his own body, an intruder, an alien species.

He wasn't used to wearing a black suit and tie. The attire made him feel unreal. He felt like half his soul had just been ripped out and replaced by empty air. Now there was just a big, gaping hole.

The place where Kurt Cobain had once lived.

The world was freezing, and ablaze at the same time. Fire and ice.

Beside him, Krist Novoselic was bent almost double in his grief, looking just as out of place in his suit as Dave felt, his face as white as the flowers scattered over the tombstone. Fucking pointless, really. He wasn't even buried there. It wasn't real, it could have been a fake. No body lay beneath that stone placeholder. Yet Dave couldn't stop staring at it.

He's gone...

Krist's shoulders were shaking, and through his paralysis, Dave felt dull surprise. He'd never witnessed Krist, who was always as strong and solid as a mountain, shake like this before.

He's really gone. I'm never gonna see him again.

Oh, Kurt.

His eyes were fixed on his dead friend's tombstone. And he wasn't even there. He was ashes, now, not even a person anymore. Just... dust.

Dave remembered the viewing, before. How awful it had been. Underneath the piercing sound of Courtney's screams and drama, the deathly, stunned silence. His mother's tears. The little blonde's body, so real and there yet so far away. His hands. His hair. Right in front of him. Unreachable.

He wanted it back so bad. He wanted to talk to his friend again. He wanted to tell Kurt he was sorry for all the shitty things he'd ever done to him, and forgive Kurt for everything he'd done in return. He wanted to tell his friend thank you, for being with him, and tell him how much he appreciated everything. But more than anything else, he just wanted to tell the fucker how much he cared. Now, now it was too late to do fucking any of those things. Kurt had left them all. He was gone.

Dave glared at Kurt's tombstone, at the white flowers that littered the grass beneath his feet, and his vision went blurry and his eyes filled, then overflowed. "Bye, Kurt," he murmured, as the first tears began to fall.

 

***************************

 

"So, Dave," the extremely drunk Brian managed to slur. Brian was Dave's new-found friend, and he was... brash, to say the least. "D-do you like sex?"

"Huh? Oh... yeah," he replied absently. Had he been a little more aware, the question probably would have struck him as a tad odd. But he wasn't, so it didn't. "Yeah. Sex is good."

"What's your favorite part about sex?"

"Oh, well, I don't know..." Dave poured himself another slug of Crown Royal, and downed it in one terrific gulp. "I, I like fucking the best, I suppose. Yeah. Fucking is good. I love it."

"Well, who doesn't?" Brian quipped airily, chugging beer at a rate that made Dave feel a little woozy, even though it was only beer, and piss-weak. "Are you a top man or a bottom man?"

For someone who had never had gay sex before, it was a difficult question to answer. "Er... top man, I guess." I'm not about to be no one's bitch, at any rate.

"Oh." Brian seemed disappointed with this. "Uh-oh. That may turn out to be a bit of a problem."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing." Brian's voice was genuine but his smile was downright nasty, and Dave didn't trust it at all. Against his better instincts, he downed some more alcohol, and Brian continued. "So anyway, Dave. I was wondering, can I let you in on a little secret?"

"Er, I suppose so." Brian leaned in close to whisper, and Dave could smell the drink in his breath. It was fucking awful. "I," he crooned. "Have a raging erection in my pants right now. And I think I need a certain someone to take care of it for me." He began to stroke Dave's thigh lightly, trying and failing for an erotic effect. Rather than melt for him, Dave jumped, and bolted upright in his seat.

"H-hey. What are you doing?"

"Ssh." The hand on his thigh squeezed, and that was way past too much. Dave scrambled to his feet, almost crashing to the floor in the process.

"No, wait," Dave blurted, steadying himself before he could fall and embarrass himself further. "I, I don't think I can do this just now. Maybe I should just-" But Brian stilled him with a hand on his arm. His hand was big, and heavy. There was a lot of power in that hand.

"Hey, hey," he soothed in a drunken, warbly voice. But there was a part of him the drink couldn't touch, and it was still sly. "None of that now, okay? We can take it slow, if that's what you want. As fucking slow as you need it. I'm in no hurry, here." Dave still looked unsure, so Brian continued. The sly part of him sensed that more gentle convincing was in order. "Hey, I've got an idea. How about we go for a walk together? Maybe we can get some talking done?"

"Oh..." It sounded safe, enough. "Alright, then."

"Terrific." Like the perfect gentleman he most certainly wasn't, he offered Dave his arm. "Let's go."

 

***************************

 

They walked out of the club together and out to one of the balconies, from noise to near-silence. The only real sound was the rain, seeming to come from every direction, the clouds raging and storming, the rain water thundering down into the oblivion below. Dave leaned out against the railing, and let the rain rush over his hands. It was cold, but it felt good. He gazed out as far as he could see, where the rain was just a grey curtain, and the clouds looked like silk. He could remember that, ever since Nirvana, since Seattle, the rain had always reminded him of Kurt. "It's beautiful."

"What?" Brian was confused.

"The rain. It's beautiful." His voice was low as he almost but not-quite dared to think about the person who was still hurting his heart. "I love the rain."

"Oh..." Brian couldn't understand this - it was only water, for fuck's sake - but it wasn't important in the grand scheme of things, so he let it go. There was really only one thing on his mind, and that was top priority: Get Laid. He moved towards Dave, and touched his shoulder lightly. "So, now that we've done some walking, and some talking, how about we get to know each other a little better? You know..." His lowered his voice. "In a different sort of way."

"Uh," Dave hesitated in the moment where his only answer really should have been no, and then Brian was grasping him and pulling them together firmly. And it was too late for a reply. "I-"

"Ssh." He cupped Dave's cheek. "Don't talk now. It's okay." He brought their lips together, hard, and Dave lost all his breath. "B-brian."

"Hush."

"But I-" He was cut short again as he was kissed, Brian shoving his tongue ruthlessly between his teeth and down his throat. Then he was pushed up against the railing, and rain water soaked into his back, and he shuddered. Not from the cold.

"Dave." A hand was fumbling ts way into the front of his pants, and it was too real, it was far too real to be considered okay. All at once, he wasn't ready to be gay.

Oh my God. There's no way I can do this. "W-wait." He tried to push Brian away, but he was drunk, and horny, and refused to back off. "Wait... changed my mind, too fast... mmph! P-please, stop!"

"Shut up," Brian growled, and his strength intensified, suddenly, it was overpowering. Dave felt fear now, it was infecting him, and that and the drink only made it harder for him to know how to react. The hand inside his pants was squirming around, and he tried to yank it away.

"Stop!"

"Dave..." His voice was dark and dangerous. "Don't deny me, Dave." Now Dave was full-on struggling, all pretense of consent was gone. He lashed out.

"N-no! Fuck, get off of me, you fuck..."

"I said shut up!" The hand inside his pants found what it was looking for, and Brian grinned and squeezed hard. Dave cried out in pain and his balls snarled angrily at him, and his knees buckled. He fell into Brian's arms, who smirked and pushed him harder against the railing, bending him over it almost double, and then began to ravish him. Dave was dazed, and the rain was beating down into his face. Drowning him. He spluttered, starting to kick and struggle harder.

Brian clamped down on his hips with unbelievable force, bruising the skin beneath his fingers like soft fruit. Dave howled. His crotch was aching hollowly.

"Stop, no! You fuck, you fuck! Get off, get off me!" Brian didn't respond, just shook him, and the sky began to spin. Everything was losing its color and vibrancy. The rain was cold. But Dave struggled on. Where is someone, someone, stop this!! "Help!"

"Shut the fuck up, or I'll fucking kill you!" Brian hissed. He was slipping a hand into the back of Dave's pants, and he shoved a finger right up inside of Dave violently, making him groan with disgust and shy away.

"N-no!" He wrenched himself backwards against the railing, but with too much force, too far out. He felt himself overbalancing, and his heart grew cold. Everything slowed down to a crawl. He saw Brain make a snatch for him, and watched as he missed. He saw the look of panic in his face. He heard his own terrified scream, long and loud. And then time caught up again, and he was beyond rescue. "NO!"

He felt himself falling, as fast as the rain, faster, even, and everything went cold and black as he hurtled south, and he knew that it was the end...

He screamed again, but then suddenly, he wasn't falling anymore.

Something warm and wet clothed him with weight, and he held on tight for dear life. Then he opened eyes that he wasn't even aware he'd closed, and glanced up at the drenched and dripping blonde, his wings beating hard against wind and rain, his hair plastered to his eyes and over his face.

Dave looked up at Kurt for a full ten seconds before he realized what he was seeing, that he'd been saved, and he cried out in relief. He clung to Kurt like a second skin, trembling, pressing his face to the warm, rain-soaked curve of Kurt's neck. He was crying, tears mixing with rain water. But in the downpour, neither noticed.

"K-kurt," he moaned, and they flew up, up through the rain, past the clouds. "Oh God Kurt, is that you? I thought, oh God, I was a g-goner, I was fucking done for!"

Kurt just held him close, murmuring to him. "Jesus fuck, Dave, t-that was too, too close. What if I hadn't known where to f-fucking find you? What if I hadn't been there. What if-" He cut himself off, trying to forget that, not think about what could have been. He just focused on what was, and Dave noticed he was trembling violently.

"I, I'm sorry about before, Kurt. I didn't mean to put you down like that. And I wanted to be with you, even if I owned you for a week, or a month, a year, or not at all. I wanted to be with you, regardless. But, but I didn't want you to get hurt. Or fade away." I lost you once. I couldn't bare to go through losing you again, Kurt.

"It's okay." Kurt was gentle with him. "Don't you be sorry, I understand. But you don't need to worry about that anymore, okay? Somehow, it's going to be alright. This, this is the only way." Dave glanced up at him through the rain, and there faces were close, so close. Their noses were almost touching.

"Kurt..."

"Dave. I want to be completely honest with you right now. Do you get that?"

"I, I suppose so, but-"

That was all Kurt wanted - or needed - to hear before continuing. He hushed the other man. His wings were drenched and heavy but still strong, keeping them up in the sky. They went up. The rain cascaded down. "The thing is, I like you, Dave. I mean, I really, really like you. And I know how important it is for you to find a friend, and I don't mean to be selfish, or anything, but, but I want to be with you, too. Will you let me do that?"

"I-"

"Please, Dave." He kept his voice low, but it was filled with urgency. Dave, in life and death, had never heard that kind of urgency in a person's voice before. That pleading, desperate, trusting tone. And all at once, he understood. "Please. I, I need you."

That, he couldn't resist. "Okay, Kurt."

"...O-okay?"

"Okay."

Kurt laughed with relief, and would have performed a back flip if not for the bundle in his arms. "Okay, then! Great! Fucking great!" He couldn't help himself, he swooped, and then shot up into the air like a bullet. Dave screamed reproachfully, and Kurt laughed again.

Then their lips came together. Kurt's lips were cold but his tongue was warm, and they rose as they kissed, and Dave wasn't screaming anymore, and Kurt wasn't laughing anymore. They rose up past the heavy rain clouds and beyond, past the point where there was no clouds, no rain, up to Kurt's distant home which towered above it all. Nothing else could touch them, there. They kissed again, and Dave was happy.

 

***************************

 

Kurt helped his friend with his clothes. Together, they peeled the fabric from Dave's saturated body, and threw them, discarded, to the stone floor. Dave clutched at his dripping body, and shivered. "Fucking c-cold."

"Get down by the fire," Kurt offered, flinging off his own trousers unselfconsciously. "And warm yourself up."

Dave felt a little awkward and shy as he knelt down on the rugs next to the fire. He got as close to the crackling flames as he dared, and sighed with relief in the warm glow. His skin was already beginning to dry. Far below them, the storm was raging on; Dave could hear the distant roll of the thunder and steady downpour of rain. He ran his hands over his bare arms, and shivered again.

"Here." The blonde returned with a blanket, and draped it over Dave's shoulders. The cold was immediately vanquished.

"Thanks," he murmured, turning his head to look at Kurt. He realized a split second too late that Kurt had taken off his clothes, and found himself staring at Kurt's full-blown, naked body. He was silhouetted in fire light, and covered in thousands of droplets of rain water. Dave forgot everything else, including how to look away, suddenly lost for breath.

"Hey there." Kurt was unfazed, he just smiled. But Dave was mortified, he immediately ducked his head, the blush rising on his cheeks.

"K-kurt..."

"Don't be shy." Kurt sat down beside him on the rug. A blanket of his own was wrapped around his shoulders. He looked from Dave to the fire, and his eyes glowed like embers. "We can take this as slow as you want." Dave could have whimpered, tendrils of desire snaked through him at Kurt's words.

But he restrained himself for the time being, and took Kurt's hand in his own. "Thank you," he said simply, and wished he could better express just how much he was feeling. The feelings were immense.

"S'okay." Kurt's other hand went to Dave's neck, and parted the folds of blanket covering his skin. Dave blushed again. "Sorry," Kurt murmured. "I just wanted to look at your tattoos. I haven't seen them properly before." Dave remained silent and the blanket slipped down, revealing his shoulders, neck, and torso. He didn't have the muscle definition that he'd had as a drummer, fifteen years ago. But he still felt reasonably comfortable with his figure, and besides, Kurt was tenderly stroking the drawings on his shoulders in a way he couldn't resist.

"They're nice, Dave." The blonde's voice was sweet as he traced the curves of ink on his shoulders and arms, and then up to the back of his neck. "I like them." Dave shivered; that part of his anatomy had always been very sensitive.

Kurt...

For the longest time, they simply stared at each other, and there was no sound save the distant storm and crackling of the fire before them. Kurt's eyes were softened, by firelight or by emotion, it was impossible to tell. Either way, they were almost everything Dave remembered them to be. And they were begging Dave to trust him.

Slowly, as if in a trance, Kurt let the blanket drop from his shoulders to puddle on the floor behind him, and Dave gawked at his bare skin, unable to stop himself. A hint of a smile touched the blonde's lips when he saw Dave's breath hitch, then quicken.

"Kurt." He reached for Dave, and pulled the blanket completely away, tossing it aside carelessly. Dave's eyes stayed fixed on the other man; they flickered with desire. He was tentative, almost ready but not quite there yet. And then he spied the expression in Kurt's eyes, that naked need, and his hesitation melted away like butter.

"Dave?" Kurt's body as an entity was poised, quivering, asking Dave the all-important question. Do you want this?

Dave's response was low, whispered, and the only one he would ever have to give. "Now."

Now...

They came together in one fluid movement, and Dave lowered the blonde carefully to the floor, so he was sprawled out on his back. He laid like that, open and supple and soft, and to Dave, he'd never looked more beautiful. A moment was all it took, before he mustered his courage and climbed on top of his new lover.

"Dave."

"Kurt."

Dave may have been shy but Kurt certainly wasn't; he knew what it was he wanted. With new purpose he surged, and pulled Dave down against him, dragged him down. He growled, latched onto Dave's mouth with his teeth, and sucked his bottom lip greedily. For the first time, in as long as he could possibly remember, he wanted it. He actually wanted it. No that's an understatement. The desire was driving him crazy.

"Dave." His moan was desperate and he explored Dave's body as Dave explored his right on back. Someone was trembling, Kurt couldn't figure out which one of them it was. It didn't matter, anyway. Nothing mattered except the fucking here, and now. "Please..." He whispered, and was consumed. Dave pressed his open mouth to Kurt's, but the blonde wouldn't be silenced. He moaned through Dave's lips. "Need you so f-fucking bad..."

Dave wasn't about to argue, like he even could, at this point. He sat back against Kurt's hips and lifted his legs up, over his shoulders. It was so strange, how something new and foreign could come so easily, but it did, so he didn't fight it. He just glided, and Kurt ached his hips to guide him to the right spot. "It's... here."

"Oh, Kurt."

"Fucking now!" Dave sucked in his stomach, gripping Kurt's shoulders in white-knuckled anticipation, and jerked forwards.

"Fu-uck!" He hadn't been planning on screeching like a girl, but when Dave filled him, there was fuck all Kurt could do to stop himself. He could feel it, felt every separate movement like it was happening in slow motion. Dave was burning him, but it was the best burn in the world. He never wanted it to end. "Dave," he gasped, and pulled him down into his lap. Heat filled his insides, and he howled. "Goddamn it, Dave!"

Dave was beyond speaking at this point. He didn't want to speak anyway, and fuck up what little magic he'd been able to create. He concentrated all his efforts into keeping his breathing steady, and controlling his urges enough to spare Kurt any pain. He placed a hand on Kurt's chest to steady himself, and picked up a wild heartbeat. It made him smile, and he found his voice.

"Move?"

"Uh-huh." It was obvious in the atmosphere to the point of being tangible, when Kurt gave passed all control over to his lover. He fell back, laying himself out beneath Dave like a religious offering. His eyes were dark and wide, completely trusting. Dave found his level of trust almost scary, and he smiled shyly. "Please..."

"I'm, I'm not sure..."

"It's okay. It's easy." The blonde was patient, and stroked the back of Dave's neck with one gentle finger. Dave felt that touch radiate all the way deep into his spine, and became bold. He took a firm hold of Kurt's shoulders. With great care, he slid himself carefully out of the smaller man's body and then pushed firmly back in, locking their hips together. Kurt gasped, and stiffened up. "G-god, Dave..."

His thrusts became more fluid with his increase in confidence; there was certainly something more than just sex at work here. Together, they developed an easy rhythm, something not unlike the music they had created so many years ago. Harsh and hard, but with beautiful, melodic undertones. They nuzzled blindly, each parted, panting mouth searching for the other. "Gonna... gonna go harder."

"Okay." Dave shifted his hips, ramming upwards and at a new angle. Through the grunts and groans, he brought a hand down, over Kurt's heaving stomach, down, into his crotch. One touch elicited a heavy groan and a shudder from the blonde. It made Dave grin, to know he had control. Miraculous control. He gripped, carefully, and pumped in the way he knew would feel best. Again, he shifted, up on his knees, and it made Kurt spasm and convulse. Encouraged, he did it again, this time finding that miracle spot deep in the male body, and finding it perfectly. He scraped against Kurt's prostate, and Kurt howled and gargled and screamed all at once.

"O-oh, oh my fucking God..."

Dave flipped his damp hair out of his face, and locked eyes with the man beneath him.  
"Kurt." His muscles were quivering expectantly; there were hintings of an orgasm growing inside him already. He let one of his hands drop from Kurt's shoulder, and planted it down on the rug below for support. He gripped for purchase, for relief.

His other hand stayed hard at work, rubbing Kurt's tip with a calloused thumb. Kurt whimpered, and bucked his hips each and every time the hand on him squeezed. He couldn't remember the last time someone had pleasured him during sex. He realized then what it was supposed to be like, what being with someone was supposed to be like, and had he been any more aware of his thoughts, the notion probably would have broken his heart. "Dave..." Dave's timing was flawless; a drummer to the end. His head fell forwards and he grunted in effort, his dark hair falling forwards as well, tickling Kurt's cheek maddeningly.

It was at the point now, where it was hard to form words. "So, uh, so close, Kurt. I... uh... I'm gonna..." Dave gave up on vocalization then, it just didn't seem important enough to worry about. All he could do was thrust, in and out, so fast now, it made Kurt want to explode. He was writhing beneath Dave in a cloud of sweat and harsh, blurting breath, moaning incoherent things mixed with obscene swear words, damp blonde hair sticking out in all directions. The personification of lust.

"Please, Dave." Like a bitch, he begged, and arched into the fist on his cock. "Please, I, oh fuck..." He shuddered, free falling into climax, and then he was gone. "Dave!"

He exploded into Dave's fist, and was flooded with something almost too immense to bear. Never, not once in the Afterlife, had he ever been brought to orgasm first. Not once.

He heard Dave whisper his name huskily, and something broke open inside of him, filling him with heat. Then he realized it was Dave's orgasm. It made him cry out and shudder, the sensation of being filled never got old, never dulled in it's intensity, but this time, it was different. Because he wasn't just a sex-toy. He mattered. He fucking mattered.

These thoughts were just half-thoughts, really; his brain had lost the capacity to do anything more. Fuck thinking, he didn't want to think. He just wanted to ride the waves, and look up at his Dave. Blessed Dave, gorgeous Dave.

"Kurt," he murmured tiredly, and withdrew. He rolled over onto the rug and pulled the suddenly delicate and fragile blonde against his chest. He kissed the soft spot between Kurt's eyes, and tasted sweat.

Kurt's pulse was a raging storm.

They were both panting.

"D-dave... that, that was..."

"Yeah." They didn't say it. All they had to do was smile, and that was enough. Dave held his knew lover, and relished in how supple his skin was. In how warm he was. How fucking real he was, after fifteen years, he was real again. That in itself was a real life, fucking miracle. Dave had his frontman back.

They kissed softly, and tongues flicked together.

Dave considered himself blessed.


	10. Chapter 10

The sun rose to a flawless royal blue sky. The storm had completely washed itself out, and was now nothing more than a memory. The sun shone strong now, uninhibited by clouds.

Sunshine stole in through the uncovered windows and bathed the interior of Kurt's apartment in a healthy glow. The fireplace had burned out into dull ash. Wet, soggy clothes littered the stone floor. In the bed, tangled beneath the sheets, one great big, huddled mass was hidden. On closer inspection, the mass was actually two separate entities, entwined in one another,

Dave opened his eyes when the sun hit them, and groaned in surprise at the light. In the time it took for him to shield his eyes with his hand, his mind managed to catch up with his body, and he realized just where he was. And more specifically, who he happened to be in bed with. He couldn't help it. He had to grin.

He pressed against his new lover, taking quiet delight in the sleep-warmth of his skin.

This is... this is amazing.

Dave inhaled. and could smell dry sweat that was surprisingly sweet, and the earthy salt of last night's sex. It lingered on Kurt's skin. Dave decided he liked the smell, liked it very much in fact, and he buried his nose in it with no inhibitions to speak of.

Kurt.

He remembered. Fucking everything. Last night's dream that wasn't just a dream. Sweet touches and slow kisses. Hands everywhere, gliding. Fucking Kurt, fucking him into oblivion. He remembered the noises he'd made.

The feeling inside of him.

The look on his face when he came.

He remembered these things and they made him want to laugh out loud. Probably he would have, but at that moment Kurt started to wake up. The blonde murmured and kicked a little, and shifted in the bed to glance over at Dave. His eyes were fuzzy from sleep, and bluer than the skies. Dave was only apprehensive for a moment, because then Kurt smiled, and he knew all was well between them.

"Good morning," Kurt muttered, and his tone was golden. Dave was overjoyed, and pulled the other man against him, snuggling him thoroughly and all-over. The blonde woke up for real then, becoming suddenly playful. Dave was a little amazed at how Kurt could go from half-asleep to fully animated so quickly. He figured it probably had something to do with last night. Last night.

"Good morning to you, too." As soon as the words came out he knew, he was going to sound sappy and cheesy, but he didn't really give a flying fuck. "And it is a particularly good morning this morning, isn't it?" He took a long moment to relish that fact. It was a fucking fantastic morning. Kurt couldn't help himself; Dave's cheesy good-cheer was catching. He found himself swiftly matching it with his own.

"Jesus, Dave. I can't even believe how fucking happy I am right now. I, I don't think I've ever been this happy, before." He blushed a little. "Is that sentimental bullshit?"

"Yeah. "Dave grinned. "But I'm a whole lot worse than you. So I figure for now, we'll just let it slide."

"Sounds like a plan." And then they were chuckling, then kissing, and it was last night all over again. 

 

***************************

 

It was awhile after that Dave finally returned to his own apartment, and for the longest time, he could only sit with a guitar in his lap and grin dopily to himself.

Which was especially irritating for Siri, who knew roughly what was going on but wanted to hear the details from Dave. Looks like the shoe's on the other foot, now, she thought, wryly. For once, someone else is withholding information from me. It sure is frustrating. Maybe I should think about doing it less often...

"Come on, Dave."

He sat, and plucked absently at the guitar strings. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, you do so. I'm not thick."

"Could have fucking fooled me..."

"Da-vid!" Dave glanced up at her, and had to chuckle. Never, in his whole time in the Afterlife, would he expected to hear to elderly spirit whine like that. Like a true teenager. But it was endearing to him, and won over his soft heart. He laughed again at her frown, and put the guitar aside.

"Fine." He sighed. Siri beamed. "What do you want to know. And why the hell are you asking me? Don't you own like, a crystal ball, or something?"

I'm not a witch, Dave. But she chose not to push her luck. "I know you saw Kurt last night. I pointed you out for him."

"Uh-huh. And?"

"Well? What happened, exactly?" She could hardly contain her smirk as she questioned, and Dave could tell she knew enough about the night before to see through any lies he came up with. So he scrapped that idea, and instead told the truth. Which wasn't really that hard, since he'd been dying to talk about it, anyway.

Jesus... look at me. Gossip and secrets, I'm like a fucking woman! His resulting giggle only enforced the thought. "Well...to put it one way, I think Kurt and I sort of, uh, resolved our differences last night."

"Meaning what?"

Dave was dreamy-eyed. You know, Kurt is really good in bed. Well, not bed, I suppose, since we weren't actually in bed. He's very good, erm, on floor." And he giggled like a girl again. Siri could have giggled too, but she chose to hide her amusement.

"The floor?" She echoed. "I, er, I see. So what happened in regards to Kurt being only a friend, and not feeling comfortable having a physical relationship with him, and all the other things you told me just a few days ago?" In quick-fire response, it was all Dave could do to keep up his dopey, puppy dog grin. He felt too great to worry about anything, least of all what Siri thought of him. Siri watched his grin and her concentration wavered; a smile slipped onto her face. Dave knew then, that he was officially off the hook.

"I guess, I just changed my mind. Not that you can talk. I'm not the only one who's done a one-eighty, lately. What's with your sudden change in attitude, huh? Are you, like, suddenly okay with me and Kurt liking one another, or something?"

Siri smiled. Now that Dave had spilled, she could go back to her usual, evasive self. "I'm not sure what I think anymore. My mind has been warped by all this. There's just something, that's telling me this is the right thing to do. I don't know what it is, exactly, and it's sending me insane not to know, but I'm trusting my feelings, on this one. The answers will reveal themselves, in time."

"In time..." Dave murmured, and even the unknowing couldn't trouble him. There was just one other thing, gnawing at his mind. "But, but what about the other stuff? With Kurt and Jeremy and friends and tattoos and that junk?" But even that question which had filled him with such dread before, was now just a token comment. He was too filled up by comfortable feelings to let the dark in.

"You know, I honestly have no idea. Which I really hate, because dealing with this is all I've ever known. And after all these years, a person comes along and turns the entire system on its head, and now it's just... different. So I can't tell you what to do anymore, it's the blind leading the blind. All I know are my feelings. And they are telling me you should ignore Jeremy's presence in the meantime. But really, it's up to you."

"I want to stay with him," Dave said bluntly, plainly, and it was no surprise to either of them. 

 

***************************

 

Jeremy met Kurt at the doorway before the man could even get inside, and the questions began to flow.

Although Kurt didn't care to admit it, his steely gaze held an only half hidden element of suspicion. And wary of Jeremy's impending reaction, he immediately put his guard up. He'd been out all night, after all.

"Where were you, Kurt?"

Kurt was sure to hold Jeremy's gaze steadily and never waver; it was wavering that caught you out. "I couldn't sleep. So I went for a bit of a walk instead."

"All night?" He wasn't buying it, not a second of it. Kurt's gaze wilted a little. "You went out walking all night, huh?"

"I-"

"Liar. You were up in that room of yours." Kurt couldn't hide his surprise. "That's right. I know about it. The one in the sky. You were up there, weren't you?" The blonde could almost hear the snap as the trap closed in over him, and he figured a half-truth would be the safest way to go. He nodded, and Jeremy's eyes narrowed. "And did you take Dave up there with you?"

Harder than ever now, Kurt tried to remain neutral under the openly suspicious gaze. "I don't see him anymore."

"Really?" Jeremy snorted. "You're lying."

"It's not a lie, Jer." He kept his voice low and calm, but it was starting to waver. His nerve was breaking. "It's the truth. We stopped seeing one another, after agreeing it was for the best. We, we decided it was safer, that way."

"You're telling me you don't see him anymore?" Jeremy looked as though he believed this as much as he'd believed the 'out walking' excuse. "I don't believe that, either. I think you're lying through your teeth. If you don't see him anymore, then why won't you let me touch you? Why won't you have sex with me?" 

His control almost shattered then, he almost dropped the ball. But just as he was about to utter a scathing reply, a bolt of warning pain shot up from his wrist, and he bit it back. Suppressed the urge to yell "no fair" and cry and scream. He replied in the only way he could, and it broke him to do so. "Well, we could have sex now, if you wanted to," he murmured lowly, hating himself, and tried to repress his disgust.

It had the desired effect. With wide and intrigued eyes, Jeremy stared at him, all previous thought forgotten. "What did you just say to me?"

"I said that if you want me, you can have me." He recoiled inwardly as Jeremy approached, but refused to let his body flinch away. He was no great actor, but this, he had to do. "Is that what you want, Jeremy?" he purred.

"Yes." Jeremy's voice was hoarse with desire and he backed Kurt into the room, towards the bed. "Oh yes, Kurt. I want that so very fucking much!" He let lose a growl and shoved the blonde roughly down, onto the bed. The wind was knocked out of Kurt, and even more so when Jeremy climbed onto him and smothered him with weight. He claimed what was rightfully his, and Kurt could feel his chest being crushed under weight that had always been too much for him, bad weight. The wrong weight. It wasn't like being beneath Dave. With Dave, it felt like love.

This felt more like rape.

"Kurt!" He kissed him, if it could be called a kiss, and it tasted awful. Kurt was again forcefully, unwillingly reminded of how different this man was to Dave. 

 

***************************

 

They couldn't stay apart for long. When the night turned cold, they took advantage of the large bath sunk into Kurt's stone floor. The heat was almost unbearable, but wonderfully so, especially in comparison to the temperature outside, and the heat made them giddy, and the water made them playful. They wasted away the evening.

Kurt ducked low in the water, his hair shimmering like some exotic water plant. He winked at Dave, like a little kid, and started blowing bubbles. It made Dave laugh, to see such a childish display, and the sound echoed off the ceiling to laugh back at him.

"Kurt," he murmured, and swam up quickly. Dry lips were pushed against shiny, wet lips, and Dave tasted water. "Mmph, Kurt."

"Dave." He surged up into the other man's lap causing a mini tidal wave, and squirmed and laughed when Dave's hands attacked him. It tickled and it felt good, but as soon as one of Dave's fingers pressed into his ass, his reaction changed, and he went rigid when he moaned. Dave could tell right away it was a moan of pain rather than pleasure and he hastily withdrew. Concern covered his face.

"Hey? What's the matter? Did I hurt you?

Kurt thought about his encounter with Jeremy, and he shook his head forcefully. He found it hard to lie to Dave. He couldn't meet the other man's eyes, for one thing. "No." He tried using his method of distraction, draping his arms over Dave's shoulders and stroking the back of his neck. "I'm not hurt, really. I'm fine." He leaned in to kiss his lover, but Dave drew back, eyes serious. Unlike Jeremy, he couldn't be so easily distracted.

"Don't, Kurt." He reached down for the blonde's behind again, and Kurt shied away, knowing full-well he was caught out. "Be honest with me. What happened to you?"

"You won't like it."

"Tell me anyway."

"Fine." He felt weak suddenly, and couldn't put up much of a fight. His words were blunt and dull. "Jeremy fucked me yesterday, and it hurt me." Something behind Dave's eyes flickered, but it was gone before Kurt could get a better look.

"He fucked you," repeated Dave, tonelessly, and it wasn't a question. Chewing his tongue nervously, Kurt ducked down so that the water came up to just below his eyes, and nodded timidly. He was dreading Dave's next question with intensity, and the questions that would follow, the accusations, the impending argument that would result. But none of that happened.

Instead, Dave drew his lover up out of the water and against his chest. Softly, he asked, "Are you alright, now?" And Kurt was so relieved he could have melted.

"I'm fine," he said in a pale voice, and they kissed. Kurt was astounded by Dave's reaction, his gentle understanding. He was flooded by a sudden rush of affection, and felt his body glow hotter than the water could ever make it. "Dave," he whimpered against his neck. "I want to love you, I want it so badly, right now." And Dave could tell; he could feel Kurt's need against him. It made him shiver.

"But you're hurt. Inside."

"I know."

Dave was silent for a moment. "Hey," he began slowly. "You, you could always take me, if you wanted to. You could lead. That way, it wouldn't hurt you, would it?" For a moment, Kurt couldn't even shake his head no. Forget astounded, faced with Dave's proposition, he could barely breathe. Never, not in fifteen years, has a man, has anyone, ever...

His eyes shone. "I'd love to. I've never done it before." He became a little shy. "Only with women, but that's so different. I've always wanted to, but... but are you sure? You, you wouldn't mind being fucked?" Dave held him close, spoke directly into his ear.

"It's not fucking, Kurt. It's so much more than that."

"I know."

"Then do it. I want you to, man."

It was surreal to Kurt, the way his body went straight into motion without any direction from him. He pressed Dave up against the edge of the bath and lifted his by his thighs, the water making him almost weightless. He was floating in Kurt's lap. Kurt balanced his on his slender hips. Unsure of himself. It was different to anything else. He felt so naive. "Should I..?"

"Yes." He didn't take his eyes off of Dave, not even for a moment, as he slipped himself carefully in. He found bliss, and was amazed by it. No wonder men do this to me so much... he couldn't help but think. But really, this was nothing like what those men had done to him. They were dead and gone and in the past. Dave was his everything.

"God." His virgin space was penetrated and Dave cried out, though the blonde was very gentle. Kurt was sympathetic to his pain, he circled his hips slowly, giving Dave time to adjust. "Kurt. Keep... keep going."

Kurt began to thrust. Each movement he made was slow and thoughtful but carried a tremendous amount of power behind it, especially for such a small guy. Dave twisted his legs around Kurt's waist, scratched at his shoulder blades, and held on for dear life. A consistent string of swear words was pouring from his mouth, and he buried his head in Kurt's shoulder to stem the flow.

"Dave.." The blonde reached with one hand while the other kept a hold of Dave's shoulder, and he slid it down through the water, swiftly grasping his cock. He was considerately gentle, and he knew how to touch. In a matter of moments he had Dave groaning.

They rested forehead to forehead, and mouths met as the pace increased. Kurt felt Dave panting somewhere down in the back of his throat, and felt his lover clutch at his ass as a signal to go harder. He shifted and rolled his hips, creating surges of waves that overflowed from the bath to drown the surrounding floor. Dave's lips had left his own; they were traveling down with harsh nips and soothing kisses, onto his throat, where he bit down. Kurt gasped, and he bit harder.

All movements in perfect sync, now. Kurt's hand and their cocks and pulses all raging to the same beat. A frenzy. A perfect storm. Kurt was close, so close he could taste orgasm, but Dave was closer. He dug his hands deep into Kurt's shoulders and bit down hard on his neck, tugging at soft flesh and refusing to let go. Kurt growled and let his head fall back, and pressed in deep.

"K-kurt!" Dave spilled out blissfully into Kurt's waiting fist, and was filled a split second later. He panted a little, and released his hold on Kurt's shoulder, lapping at the angry bite mark. He'd almost broken the skin. The mark looked like a violet crescent moon. He smiled to himself at that, and Kurt was murmuring beautiful things to him.

Kurt made him feel beautiful.

 

**************************

 

It was only afterward that Kurt dared to sneak a look at his tattoo.

It had faded to become old and ashen grey, with only its outline retaining even a memory of the original vibrancy.

He sighed, feeling a twinge of anxiety, but it was such a little twinge. Such a lackluster twinge.

As lackluster as the color grey.


	11. Chapter 11

This was it, Dave decided. After much worry and deliberation, it was time to stand up and fucking do something, for a change.

As he walked Kurt silently back to his apartment, he made up his mind to bring up the subject that had been plaguing him so long. He decided he would try and remind Kurt of his past, his life. And, his death. It made no sense to do so, but he was beyond logic at this point. He was just nostalgic. For the Kurt he'd once known.

"Thanks for walking me down here." Kurt glanced up at Dave with a faint smile on his lips, and gave him that perfect look that Dave had come to love. That sweet, childish look. The one that Dave found made it impossible not to kiss him. So he did.

"C'mere, you," he breathed lightly into the blonde's ear, and pressed his lips to his cheek. "I wanna kiss you again."

"And you had to announce it?"

Dave arched an eyebrow. "I wanted to be a gentleman." Kurt laughed softly and leaned against him, a soft, solid heat against Dave's shoulder. He was so small, Dave could tuck the little blonde's head easily under his chin, with room to spare. He really was the perfect height for hugging, Dave though with amusement. Almost like they were made to fit one another, or something...

"Anyway." Kurt drew back, seemingly reluctant, and leaned against the door. His eyes rested comfortably on Dave. Like he'd known him forever, instead of only a few weeks. "Goodnight, I guess. I'll probably catch up with you in the morning." He went to go inside, and Dave almost lost his nerve then. But he needed to say what he'd been planning on saying, he wouldn't forgive himself if he messed up this chance, so he blurted out a call to Kurt before he could chicken out completely.

"Wait, Kurt. Wait. Before you go inside, there's something, well, we need to talk about."

Kurt's eyes regarded him warily. "Dave, if this is about the fucking tattoo business again, then I really don't want to-"

"It isn't, Kurt." He sighed. "Not this time."

"Oh." The wary expression disappeared in an instant, and was replaced by patience and curiosity. It still marveled Dave sometimes, how quickly the blonde could change in his emotions. "Well, if it's not about that whole issue, then, what is it about?"

"I, I um..." Now that the moment was here, Dave was at a loss for words. "The thing is, I'm not really sure how it, um..." For a second time he broke off, and ran a hand through his hair. He tried to resist the urge to panic, but it was a lost cause. "Oh, damn it all!" he suddenly exclaimed, and thoroughly startled Kurt. "This is too hard to explain. This is too hard to fucking explain!" He turned away from the blonde aggressively, cursing himself a thousand different things, coward, weak, loser. Fuck it all... he pressed his forehead up against the wall, cool plaster to flushed skin, in an attempt to calm himself. "Fuck this..."

"Dave." Kurt couldn't help but be concerned, and went to him. "Oh, hey. Come on, it's okay." His fingers drew circles on the back of Dave's neck, diffusing his anger deftly. "You can tell me anything you want to. You know that." He moved against Dave and encircled him in his arms. He pressed his cheek into the curve of his back, soothingly. Sometimes, being short had its advantages.

"Kurt..."

"It's okay." Dave's anxiety was slipping away, Kurt worked better than any drug he'd come across. He could feel lips against the back of his neck. He loved the feeling. "Tell me anything. Tell me everything."

"But, b-but." He had to concentrate to remember what he'd even been planning to say. His brain was hazy. "I, I don't even know if I should be talking to you about this. I don't think I'm allowed..."

Kurt pondered this silently for a long moment when he realized just how much it was stressing Dave out. He knew, just by Dave's face he knew, he was dealing with something very serious. It wouldn't be wise to underestimate it, now.

"I'll tell you what." Kurt's voice was gentle, and muffled slightly by the material of Dave's shirt. His back was very warm. "How about you sleep on this, okay? Think about what you want to say to me tonight, and then, if you still want to tomorrow, you can tell me then. We'll have a good, proper talk, if that's what you want. Anything you want to talk about. How about that?"

"Okay." Of course he immediately agreed, and was touched by Kurt's concern. "That's what we'll do." He smiled with relief. "Thank you so much, Kurt."

"No problem. You're a good friend." Dave heard something in the blonde's voice that made his heart beat faster. "I'm really glad I met you." It was sappy, it was cheesy, but it hit Dave in a special place that nothing else could.

"Kurt." He took him into his arms, kissing him. "Me too, man. I'm glad too. Kurt chuckled, filling him with sweet breath, and moved softly away. Moved back towards the closed door of his apartment.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he promised, and Dave could tell it really was a promise. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kurt."

"Pleasant dreams." He grinned at his own comment, and slipped into his room.

"Yeah," Dave murmured to no one as the door clicked shut. "Goodnight. Pleasant dreams. All that shit." Then he turned and walked quickly but unsteadily away. He was completely unaware of the last three words he muttered out loud to himself.

"I love you." 

 

***************************

 

Kurt entered his apartment, and his eyes widened in shock.

Like a silent shadow, Jeremy was standing there, and his gaze was filled with lethal poison. Kurt took a instinctive step back, knowing he'd been caught out. He felt like a deer in the headlights. He was trapped. "J-jeremy, I..."

"You liar." His voice was harsh and ragged, almost unrecognizable.

"No, Jer, I swear I-"

"Shut the fuck up!" His voice was low but fiercely commanding, and it made Kurt take another step back. "You, you just shut the hell up, you fucking liar!"

"No, Jer, please don't. Jer!" Jeremy didn't respond with words. He growled, and began to walk slowly towards the cornered blonde. His eyes were blazing with angry fire.

"This. This ends. Now."

"Jeremy." Kurt could only look in horror as everything fell apart around him. "Please."

"Kurt!" Jeremy bellowed, and he jumped. "It's over, do you get it? You're not going to see him again, understand me, you fuck? Stop your fucking around! You're destroying us! Don't you realize what you're doing? You're destroying us both!"

And suddenly, something inside of Kurt fell away, some primitive level of control that until now he'd been able to contain, and he snapped. He just snapped. And at that moment, nothing was more important than letting Jeremy know how much he hated him. Fifteen years, you bastard, fifteen years I've let you rape me, let others rape me. "I don't care!" he screamed, and it was like a shot of freedom. Everything had crumbled, only the heart of the matter remained. It was raw and pure. "I don't care what you fucking say because it doesn't matter anymore! I don't need you, my tattoo can fade and I can disappear for all I care because it's a whole lot better than fucking being with you!"

"I refuse to let you destroy me! I'm not ready to fade away!" His roar was menacing, his eyes filled with a killing flame. Jeremy could have done anything to Kurt in that rage. But the blonde was beyond being afraid. He could only laugh. And his eyes mirrored the insanity of his one-time partner.

"It's too late, Jeremy! You'll never get me back!" He glared at the man who had too long dominated his existence. "You're right, you know, I have been seeing Dave, and he makes me sorry that I ever met you. He cares, fuck it, he actually cares about how I'm feeling, he doesn't just use me as a fucking toy-" He choked with emotion, and there were hurt tears pooling in his eyes. "I want to be with him. I'm going to go stay with him, for however much time I have left."

Jeremy's whole stance was threateningly solid, and he advanced towards the smaller man. "You fuck, I won't let you." Kurt couldn't be intimidated, not now. He stood his ground.

"You can't stop me!" He yelled hoarsely. "Don't you even think you can fucking stop me!"

To say Jeremy was shocked was an understatement. Kurt had never, never done anything this drastic, never defied him to this extent. It filled him with a murderous, boiling rage. You little shit! "Just watch me fucking stop you!" He howled, and clamped down on Kurt's shoulders. The blonde twisted violently in his arms, spitting and cursing like a wild animal.

"I hate you! I hate you! I fucking hate you and I hope you die, you fucking-"

Kurt was violently cut off by an unearthly roar, and Jeremy's fist made made vicious contact with the side of his face. He cried out in shock and fell to the ground, his cheek and the ghost of a tattoo on his wrist burning in hideous synchrony. White hot. Agony.

"You whore!" Jeremy spat. "You fucking whore. Do you honestly think I'd ever let you leave me?"

"Fuck you," he growled, and was rewarded with a swift kick to the ribs. Something inside creaked ominously, and he moaned at the sickening jolt. Oh God, did he break me? He writhed away from Jeremy's foot, cursing him, and gasped for breath. "M-miserable fuck!" Jeremy's face remained impassive as he kicked him again.

"Kurt. Be reasonable." And his voice was dripping with falsely sweet honey. He was patronizing, as if Kurt was the one who was out of line, and as if he was the one just trying to be reasonable, and hadn't abused Kurt into his current state, writhing and gasping for air on the floor. "You know you can't leave me, Kurt. You know it's impossible."

"I... I'll k-kill you!"

Jeremy laughed delightfully. "Oh Kurt. You're so melodramatic!" He smiled suddenly, and his eyes twinkled with either good cheer or insanity. Or both. "Do you truly think that leaving me, and running to your precious Dave, will make everything all better?" He laughed again, cruelly. "You're a fool, Kurt! Don't you realize? Don't you see? You leave me, and you fade away. And then what do you think will happen to your precious Dave?"

"Shut up!" Kurt moaned, but his nerve had broken. He flinched when Jeremy towered over him. His bravery, his blind rage and hatred, were nowhere to be found.

"Do you honestly think Dave will be able to find another friend after you, Kurt? Because he won't. After you fade, you'll leave him heartbroken."

"Shut up!"

"And then Iris will come. And he'll fade, too."

"No!" Kurt groaned with combined physical and mental pain, trying to reject the idea, put the notion far, far out of his head.

"You'll kill him."

"Fuck you!" But then two, lonely tears rolled down Kurt's pallid cheeks, and Jeremy knew then that he had won.

"Don't deny it, Kurt, you know I'm right. Get any closer to him, and it will destroy him. If you were any kind of decent you'd leave him now, and spare him the agony,"

"What do you know about decency?" Kurt spat fiercely, managing to sit up, but he was defeated. "You, you filth!"

Jeremy merely laughed again. "You're pathetic, you really are." He mocked the struggling man. "You're pitiful. I can't understand what in the Afterlife Dave sees in you. You're good for a fuck, I guess. But that's about it." Kurt glared up at him helplessly, holding his aching sides, as Jeremy, still laughing, stepped over him and strode out of the apartment.

He groaned, and sank bonelessly down against the unforgiving floor, fresh tears running down his face. 

 

***************************

 

"I've decided to tell him."

"You're crazy."

Dave turned, his face alight with purpose and excitement. His eyes were bright and his cheeks were flushed. He was pacing the room energetically.

He looked younger than he had in years.

"Don't even try to stop me, Siri, because I've made up my mind, and it's too late to change it, now."I can

"I'm going to try and stop you, Dave."

Dave's eyebrows went so high they almost disappeared beneath his mop of tangled hair. "You're, you're not?"

Why David, you sound surprised. "No. I can see there's no point in me trying to change your mind. I've learned from past experiences that a man in love can be as stubborn as a mule when he wants to be." Dave's brows went up impossibly higher, so much so that Siri feared they would never be seen again.

"But how, how did you know?"

Siri could only laugh. She felt his delight, and it was contagious. "Dave, it's so obvious! It's written all over you, dear heart." Dave might have protested to being called 'dear heart' by a teenage brunette, but he was too giddy and light-headed to do much of anything, save giggle. "I think I can even smell it on you! I need to thank you, Dave. It's been awhile since there's been any true love in this place, let alone love as pure and unequivocal as your love for Kurt. It's like... a shot of light in a dark place." Her laugh turned to a sigh part way through. "This is what it was supposed to be like, when every soul found a friend. It was supposed to be true love, whether it be fraternal, marital, anything. It didn't matter. The love. That's what was to be important."

"I love him," murmured Dave dreamily, his eyes dancing. "I love him so much, I just want to look after him and do everything for him, and be with him forever." She was so delighted by this that she actually clapped her slim hands together.

"Yes, that's perfect!" she exclaimed. "That's just how it was always supposed to be."

"I'm going to tell him. Everything, about who he was, about who we were. And I'm going to tell him how much I love him. And then everything is going to be okay. Somehow, I know it will be."

"Do you want to know something?" Siri asked, suddenly solemn, "Even when you first found Kurt here, and I gave you all those warnings, a part of me was saying that I shouldn't. That it was right what you were doing, and I was wrong. I didn't listen then. But I'm listening, now." She smiled, and her smile was radiant and beautiful. "Prove me wrong, Dave," she said, softly. "Prove me wrong." 

 

***************************

 

"Kurt!" Dave ran towards the blonde as soon as he saw him. "Kurt? There's something I wanna..." He trailed off, frowning, when he saw the expression on the other's face. His skin was pallid and sick, and his eyes were swollen and red from crying. His long hair was obscuring most of his face. "Kurt? Are you okay, man?"

"Yes, Dave." His voice was flat. "But there's something we urgently need to talk about."

Dave's eyes brightened. "That's right, there is! "Oh, Kurt, there's something I really want to tell you."

"Wait." Kurt sounded very tired. "There's... there's something I need to say to you first."

"Okay. Sure." Dave was eager but he held his tongue, trusting and radiant. The blonde felt a strong sense of self-loathing for what he was about to do to the trusting, eager man.

"Dave..." He hesitated. "Listen. I don't think..." But then he scratched at the side of his head absently, and a lock of his hair fell away from his face. Dave's jaw dropped.

"Kurt... What happened to your face?" Kurt cringed and self consciously touched the huge, ugly bruise overshadowing his face.

"Nothing. I had an accident."

"God, are you alright?" He went to encircle Kurt in his arms, but the second his hands came into contact with his tendered ribs, Kurt flinched, bit back his moan of pain, and moved Dave's hands away quickly.

"Don't touch me," Kurt hissed, and Dave dropped his hands back down to his sides, dismayed,

"Kurt." His voice was hurt. "What's the matter? Tell me?"

"I..." he began, but had to break off and look away, to steel his resolve. He stepped back from his lover. "I can't do this anymore."

"Huh?"

"I can't have fuck around with you anymore. In fact." Again, the blonde hardened himself, forcing his chin to lift, forcing his eyes to be calm and steady as they met Dave's. "I actually think it would be for the best, in light of recent events, if we choose now not to see one another anymore. I don't think we should."

Dave reeled back, shocked. Of all the things he could have said... "What are you talking about? Is, is this just a sick joke, or something, because it really... it really isn't funny."

Kurt's throat tightened at this, but he had to go on, had to go on. "Listen, I know it hasn't quite been a month yet, but I'm sure you've gotten your money's worth, seeing that you've fucked me so much, particularly this week." He died a little inside as Dave's eyes began to understand. It wasn't just fucking he said so and you agreed how could you do this to him you bastard? "So, if we could just go our separate ways now, then I could go back to forgetting this whole thing ever happened."

"But." Dave sounded wounded and lost, and it took a lot of self control for Kurt to stop himself bursting into tears. "Kurt, h-hey, I don't get what's going on. What the fuck are you talking about, man? What's going on?"

"I'm sorry, but I just think it would be safer to call it quits now, so I can get back to my Jeremy and you can find yourself a friend. If you've still got a problem, maybe you can take it up with the Gaming Officials, or something. Who knows? Maybe you could even get some of your money back."

"I don't want money." Dave's eyes began to gleam as they filled with tears. "Kurt, please, tell me you're kidding around."

Yes I'm kidding around let's elope together and hush now don't cry Dave my Dave I didn't mean it I swear I lied, I fucking lied.

Kurt merely shrugged. "Don't know what to tell you, I'm afraid." He turned to go, but Dave wasn't about to let him get away.

"Wait, Kurt!" He grasped at his arm desperately, and Kurt could feel the tremble in his fingers. "I don't understand. Did something happen?" His eyes widened suddenly. "Your face. Did Jeremy do this? Is that what this is about?"

"Dave!" The blonde feigned exasperation and did it well, Dave actually drew back. He was swiftly breaking, inside. "It's simple, really. I'm leaving you now. I'm going to spend the rest of eternity with the man I-" He forced the last word out. "L-love." I suggest you find someone with which you can do the same."

"K-kurt," whispered Dave, eyes large and wounded. He looked like a dog that had been mistreated by it's master. No anger or hate, only sadness in that gaze. Kurt was ashamed of himself. "But what about... everything? You, you fucking spent time with me, and I know that was real, I know it was!" He seized Kurt's arm again. "Kurt, tell the truth. Is Jeremy making you do this?" Kurt snarled, and wrenched himself violently from Dave's grip. It was that snarl that finally convinced Dave, and broke his heart.

"Don't you dare touch me, you're not fucking allowed to anymore! You think you know me?" he spat, and Dave cringed. "You don't know the first fucking thing about me! You paid for me! It's what I do." His voice dropped, and his eyes were venomous. "That's what I do for my Jeremy, because I l-love him. So I would never care about anyone else, least of all you." He sneered. "I am a good actor, no?"

"No." A tear slid down Dave's cheek, and then another, and it hurt so bad that Kurt wanted to kill himself all over again. "No, Kurt..."

"It's over now, Dave. It's time we waled away from all this, and call it even. For your sake, I hope you had fun." With that, he turned his back on the stupefied man, and began to walk away.

"Kurt!" Dave moaned after him, but it was a defeated moan. Kurt didn't even look around, if anything he only walked faster.

But there were tears pooling in his eyes.

 

***************************

 

In her accumulating frustration, Siri lost all patience, and started banging frantically on Dave's front door. "Dave!" she cried out. "Dave, please, let me in!"

"Fuck off!" Dave groaned, piled up on his bed, head bowed against a flood of tears, the line of his shoulders broken. "Get the fuck away from me!"

"Dave..."

"How could you not see this, huh? I thought you were supposed to see into the fucking future, or some shit! Why didn't you see this? Why didn't you tell me what would happen?!"

"I know what I felt, okay? Something's wrong, there must be something he isn't telling you-"

"Shut up!" Dave hollered, screwing his eyes shut against the shitty new world he'd woken up in. "Shut the fuck up and go away. I don't want to hear your voice, I don't want to see you or have anything to fucking do with you again! You, you made me think I had chance, that, t-that he might just love me, well, why the fuck would he, huh? He never did before. I annoyed him, I bored him and there was nothing I could do to help him. He was fucking dying, and I couldn't fucking help him!" He sobbed bitterly, as he relived things he'd been suppressing for years. "I let him into my heart, Siri! I cared about him so much and he died, he shot himself in the fucking head and he gave up on all of us, and it tore me apart! It fucking tore me apart!"

I won't leave you, Dave. I won't ever leave you. He flinched at the memory, and cried out. "So now, fifteen years later, dead, he's done it all over again! And I can't fucking take it anymore!"

"Dave." Siri leaned against the door, lost for words. "Oh, Dave."

"Go away Siri. Leave me alone."

"Please Dave, let me help you. I can find out, I can-"

"Go away, Siri."

"But-"

"Go away!" He screamed with enough passion to make his throat go hoarse, and Siri jumped. Dave's sorrow and anger was hurting her heart.

"Dave," she murmured to herself, a small tear of her own welling up and slipping down her pale, smooth cheek. "Oh God, I'm so, so sorry."

She turned her back on the sobbing coming from Dave's room, turned away with a cloudy but deep resolve in her eyes. I won't let this go. I promise you, Dave. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I promise.


	12. Chapter 12

Dave sat, his eyes stinging from the endless tears, his breath hitching in his chest, and he scratched at the inside of his wrist. The skin there was red and inflamed, and he found that scratching at it only aggravated it further. But he didn't stop.

His sigh was dull and forlorn as a plan, or more aptly, a resolution, began to form in his mind.

I'm still going to tell him. I don't care if he wants to know or not. I'm going to tell him that I love him. I need him to know, because I never told him when we were alive, and it killed me, afterwards. I had three fucking years, to tell him.

It fucking killed me.

He hugged his knees against his chest, resting his head against his legs, and closed his stinging, aching eyes. I need to tell him. He's never going to love me back. But I love him. Fucking more than anything.

He knew perfectly well that speaking to Kurt would solve nothing; he was no idiot. After their last conversation, it was obvious to him how Kurt felt. He was disgusted with himself that he'd ever hoped it could be different between them. He was embarrassed and ashamed by his reaction, by his own loathsome tears.

He wondered if this was what Kurt had felt like in the last few days of his life, all alone, with no one to hold your hand, comfort you, or give you space when you really needed it-

I would've comforted you if only you'd asked.

-and say that one day, it would all turn out okay. He wondered if Kurt had felt as hopeless, as dejected, as isolated as he did. He guessed Kurt probably had. He wouldn't have chosen to commit suicide lightly. To take his own life, fucking end it all.

Dave also wondered if there was such a thing as Heaven and Hell, after all this shit, and if it were possible to die again, in the Afterlife. To just keep dying, again and again. It made him shudder. What happened when you died in this place, when you "faded away", as they seemed to call it? Did you wake up in some other, new, foreign place? Or would you simply wink out of existence, out of consciousness? Out of being? He thought about the alternative, about an existence without Kurt, and decided that simply ceasing to exist, in his case, would be for the best.

It would at least take away the pain.

Oh yeah? For some reason, his subconscious wanted to challenge this. Look what happened to Kurt, my thick, naive friend. He stuck a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the fucking trigger. His brains painted the inside of his skull, leaked out his fucking ears... "Stop," Dave moaned quietly, unaware he'd even spoken. He ended his life, you sorry sack of shit, and did ending his life take away his pain?

He groaned at the voice, trying to shut it out. Violently, he shoved it into a distant corner of his mind, where he hoped he'd never have to deal with it again. Again, he shuddered, and rubbed at his aggravated wrist. Large, silent tears were falling from his eyes.

He was going to do it.

He didn't care what anyone said or thought.

His mind was made up.

 

***************************

 

Kurt gazed up into Dave's face, filled with a sense of apprehension. And this Dave was neither young nor old, or rather, he seemed to be both at the same time. His dimensions were blurry, like he was seeing everything through a fine layer of fog. But the look in Dave's eyes was unmistakable. It made the blonde quake, and crumble under the weight of his intensity.

Dave's eyes were in flames.

"How dare you?" he demanded, and the walls themselves trembled. "How fucking dare you stab me in the back like this?"

"Please." Kurt was frantic. "You don't understand what I had to do. Let me try and explain-"

"Nothing you could say would possibly make me understand."

"But Davey, I-"

"Don't you fucking call me that!" he growled, and Kurt flinched convulsively. "You're not allowed to call me that, not anymore!"

Through his guilt and shame, Kurt felt a twinge of confusion. Not anymore? What did Dave mean by that? "D-dave." His voice was timid and meek, very humbled. Not his normal voice, at all. "I, I'm not sure if I know what you mean."

"You hurt me, you know. A long time ago, when you used to call me "Davey" - all the fucking time. You hurt me, so why would you hurt me again, now? Do you hate me, is that it? What?"

"What are you talking about?" Even as he asked, Kurt felt as though he almost, almost knew what was going on, like he could taste and smell and touch the answer. He tried hard to summon it, but thinking too hard hurt his brain, made it pulse.

"Of course, you wouldn't remember..."

"But what don't I fucking remember?" The blonde was past the point of being calm, desperate for answers. "What are you people hiding from me? What do they know? I want to know, Dave. Tell me!"

"You'll never fucking know, Kurt." And Dave was crying bitterly. "You'll never know because you don't want to know, you're a coward, and you hide the truth from yourself. But, but I guess that's how it should be, and don't fucking pretend you want it any other way. You don't care, why would you? You never did before!"

"Dave?" But now real, sharp pain was engulfing his head, and it was penetrating, snarling, into is brain, it felt like someone had pumped him full of white hot lead between the ears. He yelled, it was all he could do to yell, his brain and the poisonous tattoo embedded in his wrist throbbing, burning, swallowing him whole. "Oh God, my fucking head! What's wrong with my fucking head?" 

"You shot yourself, you fucking moron, and I'll never, ever forgive you for it!"

Kurt tried to respond but could only cry in hollow pain, and he felt warm wetness across his cheek but when he pressed his fingertips to his face they came away slick and stained with blood...

 

***************************

 

"Siri!" Kurt stood in the middle of his apartment and bellowed, trying to summon the spirit. As much as he disliked talking to her, he was in desperate need. "Siri, damn it, get here! Now! This fucking minute!"

"What?" She materialized before him as silently and as fluidly as water, scaring him half to death. Her naturally pale face was pinched and drawn and as white as a sheet. She had dark, awful smudges under her eyes, which stood in stark contrast to her white skin. The eyes themselves were bloodshot, though Kurt was sure an unearthly being such as her would not require things like sleep. She seemed, pardon the expression, dead on her feet. "What's wrong, Kurt?"

"Where have you been? And what's wrong with you?"

"I'm sick. And so are you. Sick in the head. Why in the Afterlife would you hurt Dave like that? You just about tore apart his soul!"

His gaze was cold. "I though you would have been happy, to know he was no longer under the influence of a dirty, suicidal whore."

"Kurt, don't-"

"No, forget that and listen to me for a minute. That's not why I asked you here." Kurt forced his voice to lower and he tried to be more civilized. Even in his frustration, he was unable to pick a fight with anything that took the form of the small, frail girl now shivering before him. He knew that form wasn't her true self, but he still felt ashamed, to yell at a young woman, a child really. "Siri, please. I need your help. I know it's against the rules, I get that, but I need this. I need to know, please. About my past. Who, who was I?" 

Siri hesitated and something in her chest twisted for him. "Kurt, I..."

"Did I know Dave?" He blurted it out suddenly, which surprised her a little. "Somehow?"

"What makes you think that?"

"The dreams," murmured the blonde. "In them, he knows me. And I know him. But, it isn't just the dreams, Siri, it's something else, too. Something more. It's how I feel when I'm around him. I've never felt so close to someone so quickly, not ever. It's like I've known him for years. And, and it's how his eyes light up when he sees me; I know he feels the same way. He knows me. And I knew him!" His voice was loud but fragile, trembling with some strong emotion, and Siri felt herself regain a morsel of strength as she listened to him.

This is right what he's feeling is right you KNOW it is...

"Siri, this is serious now. I can't keep on going unless I know. You've got to tell me who I was. Who Dave was. And how I knew him, because I know I did!"

"I-" She sighed, weakening. Kurt's gaze was naked, devoid of pride or self esteem or frustration or anything. Just a sheer, desperate need for knowledge. And she knew she wasn't cruel enough to leave him in the dark for even another day.

"Siri" Kurt's voice was quiet. "Please."

Heedless to the consequences, she surged ahead, staring him down with sickly brown eyes. "You're right Kurt. But you knew that, didn't you? I only wonder how long you've known." He opened his mouth, but she help up a hand as a signal for him to hold his tongue, and continued. "You were Kurt Cobain from Aberdeen, Washington. You were in a band, you played music. The band was called Nirvana, and you were the guitarist-"

"I knew it felt familiar," he muttered, but Siri ignored him.

"And the lead singer, also. After a few years of playing in this band, you and your drummer parted ways, and you had to find a replacement. Luckily for you, at that exact time another band was breaking up, and their drummer needed a new band. So you hooked up. Got together."  
She paused, knowing it was too late for second thoughts. "The drummer's name was Dave Grohl."

Kurt didn't even gasp. Even as he heard it, he found he wasn't all that surprised. Siri's words flowed, and they made perfect sense to him. But still, it felt odd, like he was hearing about someone else's history, and not his own. He remembered none of it. "Then what happened?"

"You got famous. Infamous. It-" Siri couldn't help but hesitate. "It wasn't really your fault, Kurt. It was no one's fault. It, it was just one of those things that happen, sometimes."

"What was?"

"The drugs." She lowered her eyes. "Heroin."

At the mere mention of the word, Kurt felt a raging heat rush over his skin, and his mouth went bone dry. Siri watched, dismayed, as the pupils of his eyes contracted to pin points, as he trembled all over. His hands instinctively went his elbows, and he cradled them. "Heroin." He tested the word, but there was no need to explain it. A part of him obviously still remembered what that word meant. She waited until she was sure Kurt had regained full consciousness before continuing.

"You married a stalker-turned-lover of yours when you realized you'd gotten her pregnant," she continued, hoping her soft tone would dull sharp words. "And she gave birth to a baby girl who you loved with all your heart. You had what you needed to keep you alive, for a little while. But then you lost it again. And then, then you died."

Shot myself in the head, you mean. "Yeah." And was obvious to both that his death was still a touchy subject.

"Okay, I won't get into that. You already know how that part of the story goes. But you don't know, well, how could you realize? Your death left a hole in the world. You were a celebrity, Kurt. Unwillingly, but a celebrity nonetheless. Some called you music royalty. When you killed yourself, millions mourned, some even followed you. And Dave... he was heartbroken." The blonde felt his insides ache, and a flush of dull shame at what he'd done to his friend. To them all. "It, it took him years to heal."

"I'm a fucking monster," Kurt murmured, instinctively bringing a hand to his mouth to chew on his nails. He bit hard, and drew blood. "I, I did that to them. And I had a daughter. How could I do that? A little, baby girl? And, and a wife, too?"

"Your wife's name is Courtney. Frances is your daughter." Siri smiled faintly, sadly. "She looks more and more like you every day. Like both of you. She, she has your eyes, Kurt." He sank slowly to the floor, trying to process information that was struggling hard to be ignored. His head was throbbing, split into two. It was all new and frightfully shocking, but then again, so damn familiar, like more fucking Deja Vu...

It was so bad it hurt.

He could almost feel the bullet. Oh Jesus, what have I done? What have I done?

Broke his heart-

"Kurt?" She was a little intimidated by his heavy silence, almost afraid to approach him. "Hey, are you going to be okay?"

But Kurt could offer no reply, which was truly an answer in itself. Siri knew she had to leave him then and she did, left him silent and shivering. Kurt held his hands in his lap and stared into the floor, and found he had never hated himself more than he did in that moment.

He gave himself up to the stone floor, the tattoo that had once been so vibrant and so strong now an ashen ghost stamped on the underside of his wrist.

 

***************************

 

Kurt glared and Jeremy glared back. The hate sparked and crackled like electricity.

"Let me go, Jeremy."

"No."

"Let me go, Jeremy!"

"No!"

Kurt was heedless and struggled anyway to pass him, to get to the door. "Just, just because I'm not with Dave anymore doesn't, mmph, doesn't mean I'm going to stay here and put up with you shit for a moment longer! I can't stand being around you! I'm leaving, so get the fuck out of my way!"

"No." Jeremy was practically a stranger, hate disfiguring his face and making it ugly. He advances towards the blonde with malicious intent, and Kurt felt a sudden, hideous wave of pain roll over him all at once. He staggered, feeling dizzy and sick, and abruptly went numb all over.

Slowly, he glanced down at his wrist, and felt a very strange, but freeing relief. His tattoo was gone. In the space of two seconds, it had faded away completely.

Jeremy stopped short in his advance and winced, Kurt's wave of pain reaching him also. He cried out roughly, and brought his own wrist up to glare t it. His eyes widened and his face paled. His mark was also gone. There wasn't a single fucking trace of it left. For the longest time he stared at his flawless wrist, his eyes growing brighter and brighter with as his rage increased. Kurt felt no trepidation; he could only sit serenely and wait for punishment, too light headed to attempt anything else.

"You," Jeremy spat, stalking the blonde once more. "Look what you've done to me! You've killed me! You've killed me, you fucking little whore!" Kurt was unable to respond, he gazed up with blank eyes.

I'm free.

I'm really free.

I'm dying.

"J-jer..." But the words cost him too much effort, and his voice failed him.

"You'll fucking pay now, Kurt! You worthless bastard." Roughly, Jeremy grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him face first to the ground, bruising him, hurting him. Kurt cried out, yet his cry was weak and without real resistance. Even if he'd really wanted to, he couldn't stop what was happening to him. I'm gone I hope I just fade away. With a growl Jeremy climbed onto him and tore off his pants, ripping his underwear to shreds. Kurt struggled when he realized what Jeremy was up to, feeble struggles, and the larger man was able to brush them off with little effort. Kurt was weak, and Jeremy's rage made him strong.

"I'm gonna fuck you now, you stupid bitch. I'm going to fuck you until I split you in half." The blonde moaned at this and kicked out, Jeremy simply clamped his hips down with one hand, and restricted his movements. Kurt moaned again, about to cry or pass out or both, he felt so sick. "I'm going to rape you, you fucking whore. You ruined me. Now, I'm going to fucking ruin you!"

Kurt came to life as he was torn open; a fire erupted in his abdomen and he whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut and thrashed his head to the side. "Fu-uck!" he screamed. Jeremy scraped and bruised his hips, his insides. Hard and violating. Hot and burning, like acid. Never this bad, never before. "Fuck, Jeremy! N-no!"

Jeremy laughed in his cruelty, leaning down to bite at Kurt's ear, and make it bleed. His breathing was harsh and intense, even as he groaned, even as he laughed. Kurt sobbed and struggled but was pinned down, and Jeremy liked it when they struggled. It turned him on something fierce. The crying was agitating him, but he figured he could work with it. He dove in harder to make Kurt scream and decided he liked that sound, jutting further, impaling Kurt on his cock. Splitting him apart.

Kurt screamed again and again. Blood was running down his thighs. He was filled with pain and blood and violent, bitter hatred.

Jeremy grinned at Kurt's pain and groaned in his own pleasure, as he raped the man he'd once dared to call his soul mate.


	13. Chapter 13

"Kurt!" Dave called out, and knocked on the door of the apartment Kurt and Jeremy shared. "Kurt, I know you don't like me, and that you don't want to see me, but please, there's something real important I need to say. Just one last thing Kurt, I need to tell you, and then I'll leave you alone, I promise. Just... just one more thing. For my own sake." I don't want to be here anymore.

I think I understand now, how someone could possibly dream of ending their own life. I understand. It's when someone has absolutely nothing to give, or to gain from living on. It's when someone has no will to continue.

Someone like Kurt.

Someone like me.

He knocked hard, but there was no answer, and he eventually wondered if the blonde was even at home. Maybe he's ignoring me... And Dave was really hoping Kurt was home, so that he would get the chance to talk to him and clear the waters, before walking up to the balcony and jumping over the side. He wanted Kurt's voice to be the last he ever heard. That perfect, special voice. The man Dave loved; denial was pointless now. He was in love.

A deep part of his mind whispered that he could not love Kurt, that he was obliged to feel love for another, his true mate, the ones he left behind. The love of three. A family. But he couldn't even remember their names, and found he didn't mind. His life was now a shadow, and soon, the Afterlife would be, too.

He wondered if it would hurt. He wondered if he would simply fall forever.

Then he realized he didn't really care one way or another, and knocked again. "Please, hey. It's urgent! It'll only take a few moments, and then I'll-" die. "-leave. C'mon, Kurt. Are you there? Are, are you fucking ignoring me, man?" Desperation was building and he hit the door, hard, before delivering a swift kick to its wooden surface in frustration. He cried out lowly when his foot snarled, and decided violence against an inanimate object was not the smartest way to handle the situation. So lastly, he half heartedly tried jiggling the door handle.

To his surprise, it was unlocked, and the handle shifted smoothly in his hand. Biting at his lower lip, he pushed the door open and crept silently into the apartment. Looking around. Searching. Trying to observe everything at once.

This doesn't seem right at all. Something is the matter, here. Maybe I shouldn't be here.

No. I should.

"Kurt," he murmured with some trepidation, and was afraid to raise his voice any louder. "Kurt, are you here?" The whole apartment stunk of wrong, was drenched in a disquieting sense of ill intent. He pricked his ears, and heard a noise from one of the distant corners of the apartment, behind a number of closed doors. He frowned and cringed at the same time, the noise thoroughly unsettling him.

"Hello?" And he headed off in that direction.

 

****************************

 

Kurt was livid. "You fucking bastard!" He was battered and bruised, crouching in a pool of his own blood and the larger man's semen. He had been violated and was ashamed for it, but also angry enough to kill. His apathy was gone now. Being raped can do that to you. "You, you bastard! You fuck! You r-raped me." Jeremy laughed, and the sound rang painfully in Kurt's ears, only feeding his rage. His eyes fell to the acoustic guitar Dave had given him. He rolled, and made a half-hearted reach for it, meaning to use it as a weapon, but found he was unable to destroy the pretty, shiny instrument in such an ugly way. It meant far too much to him.

Jeremy, on the other hand, was easily able to snatch the instrument away, and he held it at arm's length like a club. His eyes shone bright with accumulating insanity. He was completely gone. Unhinged.

"Dave gave this to you, huh?" And even his voice was raw and unbalanced. "That fucker. Well, this is what I think of stupid, whoring fuckers! This is what I think of the both of you!" He raised the guitar up over his head and brought it down towards the floor with an incredible force, smashing the body to pieces with a grotesque, faintly musical sound. Kurt winced as he was showered with shards and splinters of pristine polished wood.

"Fuck!" Kurt cried out with agony. "You fuck!"

"Fucking piece of trash!" Jeremy brandished the neck of the guitar, which was all that was left of the delicate instrument. "That's all you are, Kurt! You're trash, fucking trash is all you are!" He moved towards Kurt, but the young blonde was filled with poison, burning rage, which made it impossible for him to flinch or turn away.

"No, you're the trash!" Kurt screamed as Jeremy towered over him. "You're a foul, miserable fuck and I hope when Iris takes you, I hope you fucking rot in Hell. I hope it hurts you, like you've never been fucking hurt before. I hope they rape you! I hope you die! I hate you, you sadistic fucking waste of sperm and eggs! I fucking hate you, I-" And he never had the chance to dodge the blow.

With a furious, animal howl, Jeremy brought the neck of the broken guitar down onto Kurt's head.

With a crack, it splintered into two pieces.

An unconscious Kurt crumpled to the floor. 

 

***************************

 

"Fuck!" Dave heard the screams of terror, of fury, and of pain, and tore into the room, almost knocking the door off its hinges in the process. "Oh, oh God, Kurt!" He skidded to a shuddering standstill when he saw what was going on.

Jeremy was standing at the balcony, peering over the railing at the oblivion below. There was a shriveled bundle of something hanging limply in his arms, dangling, bleeding.

Dave took a closer look. The bundle was Kurt.

"Dave!" Jeremy cried, and grinned in his triumph. He held Kurt's body possessively to his chest. "How nice of you to stop by! You've caught Kurt and I in the middle of an, erm, domestic dispute, I'm afraid." His eyes twinkled with insane good cheer.

"Don't you hurt him!" Dave's face was white with fear, and alight with rage. "Don't, don't you dare hurt him, Jeremy!"

"Have you heard the news, Dave?" His voice crackled with spiteful glee. "Because of you and Kurt fucking whoring around all the time, me and him are gonna die! Even after I fucking told him not to see you anymore, told him what would happen, our tattoos still fucking faded, and soon, we're gonna fade, too!"

Dave was shocked.

You told him to do that?

Does that mean he wanted to spend time with me, after all?

"Please, Jeremy. Don't hurt him. Don't."

He ignored his pleas. "You killed me, Dave! You and your precious Kurt have fucking killed me! You've taken away my everything! So now, I'm taking away yours." He grinned. "Do you want to know what I did? I just raped your precious Kurt into the ground, I raped him senseless, and he screamed and screamed and begged me to stop but I just. Kept. On. GOING!" He screamed the last word at the top of his lungs. "I fucking split him into fucking pieces!"

Dave's world went red.

"Bastard!" He roared, now spying the blood running down Kurt's thighs. It made him feel sick. "Oh God, you sadistic bastard! You fucking son of a bitch! How, h-how could you?!" Dave went to charge at him, but then Jeremy held Kurt up closer to the balcony edge, and Dave was reminded of the fragile existence he held in his arms.

"Don't come any closer," he muttered darkly. "Or I'll drop him over the edge." Dave moaned, and felt his heart begin to beat faster. He was panicking.

"N-no," he pleaded, desperate. "Please, Jesus, Jeremy. Don't do it. God, K-kurt..."

"He killed me. You both did. Now, I'm going to destroy him. I'm going to make you both pay."

Cold terror seized Dave; icy, painful dread. "N-no... don't..."

"Say goodbye."

"NO!" Dave screamed, and lurched forwards to stop him. But it was too late.

Jeremy threw Kurt over the balcony railing, and Dave screamed again as he dropped like a stone.

"Kurt!" Dave didn't think about it, he didn't even hesitate.

He sprinted to the balcony edge and dove over the railing.

Dove straight after Kurt.

 

***************************

 

The drummer watched his front man sleep, playing idly with a lock of his coarse, blonde hair, and eyed the wedding band encircling his finger with violent distaste.

He hated Kurt's wife.

He hated Courtney.

But then again, it seemed as though almost everybody hated her. Well, everybody save Kurt, of course. And sometimes, Dave wondered if deep down there wasn't some part of Kurt that actually resented his wife, for intentionally getting him pregnant to draw him in, and threatening to abort the baby if he didn't agree to marry her right away. She'd trapped Kurt, they all saw it.

And the scary part was, Kurt didn't seem to mind.

Dave realized, as he sat and watched Kurt sleep and thought about how he was a husband and a father to be, that Kurt was in dire need of protection, and that Courtney would never be able to offer him that. He realized that he could very well be the one who had to protect his fragile friend.

"I'll do it," he murmured with resolve, and Kurt shifted and muttered something unrecognizable in his sleep. ""I'll protect you forever, from everything. I'll even protect you from HER, if need be." His gaze turned tender and he stroked Kurt's hair. He felt closer to him than he ever had before. "I'll protect you from everything that ever tries to hurt you, I promise."

"David," he muttered in his sleep, and Dave couldn't help but smile.

"I'll save you Kurt. I'll save-" 

 

*************************** 

 

He cried out against the stinging cold wind as he plummeted further and further down, and through his snarling, watering eyes, he could barely make out the dark blur against the sky, that was Kurt.

I'm never going to reach him. Not in time.

It's over.

He began to cry in his despair, trying desperately but ultimately in vain to fall faster, to reach Kurt. "Kurt!" He screamed again, fearfully, but his voice was ripped away by the raging wind. He couldn't think. He could barely breathe. I have to reach him. I can't let him slip away from me. Not again.

"KURT!" Filled with fear and frustration. Tears crystallizing on his cheeks from the bitter, freezing cold. Dave stretched his body, striving to quicken himself, to reduce the drag of wind slowing him down. The cold was biting into his skin, passing through him to penetrate his heart. "Kurt, I need to reach you. I have to fucking reach you!"

It might have been his hopeful imagination, but it seemed as though Kurt's falling, unconscious figure was a little closer than it had been before. He was plummeting headfirst, his blonde hair streaming out behind him like a banner.

Dave's own hair whipped against his face, and was painful. He tried to brush it away, but the force of his fall had pinned his arms to his sides. He squinted against the searing cold.

He could make out the blood on Kurt's face.

His eyes were still closed.

"Dammit..." Dave's voice failed him, then. They fell closer and closer towards the end, the sky fading from blue to violet and finally, to pitch black. But then, it wasn't really sky anymore. It was something else, entirely.

He saw white spots appear before his eyes, burst, and then begin to multiply. He couldn't breathe. His lungs were frozen.

Kurt. But he refused to give in. As he fell further and further away from survival, he refused to give in.

Failure wasn't an option.

 

***************************

 

Dave gazed into the eyes of his first wife, and he knew what that look meant. It meant their relationship was over.

"I want a divorce," Jennifer said flatly, and Dave found this blunt statement caused him no pain, and was surprised by it.

"Fine."

"We never got around to having kids, so there's no custody battle or anything, we have to fuck over. No matters like that to concern ourselves with."

"I suppose."

"I'm leaving, tonight."

"Best of luck to you, then."

Jennifer arched one carefully plucked eyebrow. "You don't seem to be particularly upset by all this." Dave shrugged his shoulders, all but dismissing her entirely.

"Truthfully," he responded. "I'm not. I don't really care. And I'm as surprised by it as you are."

Jennifer grunted, unimpressed. "I'm not surprised. You never care about anything, anymore. You haven't even tired to make any sort of commitment to this relationship, to this marriage, well, since..."

"Since what?" Dave challenged her, the old frustration seeping in. "Since what, Jennifer? What exactly are you trying to say here? Since fucking what?"

Jennifer refused to look him in the eyes. "Since Kurt died."

Dave flinched automatically at the mention of his dead friend. Even after three years, it still hurt so bad. So fucking bad. "That's..." He had to pause, winded by hurt and betrayal. "That's low, Jen. That's really, really low."

"It's the truth." She refused to be sympathetic this time. "I need a real relationship, David. I want children. I can't play nursemaid to you anymore."

He clenched his teeth. "I told you. I'm not ready for children."

"What are you afraid of?" she spat, spiteful. "Do you think they'll grow up to be drug addicts? Do you think they'll be suicidal fuckheads? What? What's your problem?"

"You, you bitch!" Dave gasped, grasping for words through hurt. "How d-dare you even... even talk about him in that way, you, you..."

Jennifer flared up. "That's all you ever want to talk about, Kurt this and Kurt that! Kurt's dead, Dave! He's gone, and I'm still here! It's time to let him go."

"Shut up! Bitch! Just fucking shut up!"

"It's like you love him more than me! Do you?! Huh? Did you fuck him? Was he better than me, is that it?! You bastard, you fucking shit!"

"You'll never understand! You'll never understand! You-"

 

***************************

 

Dave's heart leaped, and he cried out in relief as his fingers finally brushed against Kurt's limp shoulders, and he brought their bodies together. "K-kurt!" He held the unconscious man against him, the wind whistling past his ears but he was uncaring to that, now. "Oh, Kurt! Kurt, wake up, please, wake up." His voice was washing away, and he pressed his lips right up to Kurt's cold ear, hoping he would be heard. "Kurt. Wake up." They began to spiral, and Dave felt dizzy and sick.

The world was blurring around the edges, and all the color was gone.

"Kurt." He finally closed his stinging eyes, and his grip on his lover tightened. "Kurt... I love you. Wake up. Just, just wake up, and save us both. We'll both die, if you don't wake up. Kurt? Kurt..." He nuzzled the blonde's ear, and kissed it. So cold. But not dead. Not yet. "I love your beautiful soul. Please, wake up. For me." Then he took the soft flesh of his earlobe between his teeth.

And bit down.

Kurt jolted. "D-dave?" he groaned, and Dave's eyes immediately snapped open when he heard his name uttered. "Dave?"

"Oh God, Kurt. Thank God."

"Where... are we? I'm... dizzy."

"We're falling, Kurt. You need to save us."

"It hurts, so much, Dave. I... I don't know if, if I can..."

"You can, Kurt. I believe in you."

"I... oh, Dave. Dave. I'm s-sorry." Lips found lips and they kissed, and then they were gradually slowing, stopping their descent, and began to rise upwards. They soared; Dave's heart soared along with them. Kurt's body was weak but his wings were still strong, they stretched and beat at the air with powerful force. His arms went around Dave's neck, and clung to him desperately.

"Kurt," he murmured into the blonde's neck. "Jesus fuck, Kurt. I was s-so fucking afraid, that, that you weren't going to wake up, that you were, that you might be-"

"I'm alright." Kurt's voice was tired but very, very gentle. "I'll be okay."

"The fucker. He hurt you. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Please, Dave. My Dave. I'm the one that should be sorry. I'm sorry for turning you away. I, I just didn't want you to fucking get h-hurt. I, I didn't want for us... to get too fucking close. I didn't want you to f-fade away..." Dave sighed into his throat, his breath was warm. As was his kiss.

"I think it's a little late for that now. Honestly. I could never leave you. I love you too fucking much to ever do that. I love you, more than fucking anything. And I'll never let you go."

"Dave..." They kissed again and the kiss was deep, and they broke through the darkness, flying upwards to alight delicately back on the balcony.

Dave refused to look at the puddles of blood and semen on the floor, focusing instead on cleaning the drying blood softly from Kurt's face. He let his lips brush over pale skin as he cleaned it. Kurt moaned quietly and his knees went to buckle, but Dave was there, ready to catch him, and hold him tight. "Are you alright?"

"Hurts." Kurt swooned under the combined pain of the gash on his head and his violated insides. "Hurts. What, that b-bastard... did to me."

"The fucker!"

"Ssh." Even through his pain the blonde managed a small smile, and he wiped the tears from Dave's face. "Don't cry, it's okay. You saved me. You saved me." Kurt's wings folded around Dave's torso, and cloaked him in soft warmth. The embrace was comforting. Soothing. Dave felt himself melting away. "Never let me go," he whispered, and it made Dave's heart sing.

"Kurt. Listen. There's something I have to tell you. It's about us."

"It's okay. Siri already told me."

Dave's eyes widened. "She did?"

"Yeah." He smiled faintly, and it was a wonderful smile. "We used to know each other, didn't we?" The other man nodded. There were new tears forming in his eyes.

"That's right, yes. We did." He thumbed Kurt's hair gently. "But do, do you remember?"

"Not a damned thing. But Dave, there's something you should know-"

He was cut off suddenly, as Jeremy charged into the room.

 

***************************

 

Kurt shrank back as Jeremy approached, his insides roaring as they remembered the outrage of their violation. Dave growled at the oncoming man and shielded Kurt protectively, but they both dropped their guard when they say the look on Jeremy's face.

He was as pale as death, and his eyes were wide and dark and hollow. Filled with black shock. Kurt suddenly buckled again and Dave held him tight, all three of them crying out in shock and pain as every light bulb in the apartment simultaneously shattered. They were plunged into a cold, heavy gloom; suddenly it was freezing.

Jeremy turned to the other two fearfully, and a sinister darkness covered him. Kurt could smell it; the rotting, awful void that made his insides ache, and he knew what was coming before Jeremy even said it. "It's Her," he groaned, trembling, and stumbled forwards.

"Fuck!" Kurt exclaimed, clutching at Dave."It's Her! It's Iris! She's come, oh fuck, f-for me and Jeremy!"

"No!" Dave did his best to protect him from the formless enemy as the air chilled even further, and then the door was broken from its hinges and fell to the floor with a loud bang. So terrified, they were beyond even crying out, now.

A dark, clouded figure, surprisingly petite, flowed like ice water into the room, and lowered Her hood. Her gaze found Dave's for a brief moment and their eyes locked, and he gasped as the full meaning of Iris finally hit him. That familiar face. That familiar face. He felt as though his mind had just been raped.

Siri... Iris.

They're complete opposites.

They're exactly the same.

Iris pushed Her hood all the way back, freeing Her long hair, and turned Her milky pale face left then right, honing in on Jeremy. He cowered fearfully under her frosty, penetrating brown gaze, and Dave felt all the evil in the universe condense and begin to crush his heart. It terrified him, his mind still reeling from his new discovery. She can't be... no. This can't be Siri. And in his heart he knew it to be true; the two may have looked identical, but he saw none of Siri's kindness and compassion in Iris's ruthless glare. They were separate beings, he was sure of it. Or, two halves of the same being. Soul mates.

Dave pressed himself against Kurt and whimpered, but the blonde had temporarily forgotten about him. He was fixated with horror on Jeremy, and the young girl advancing towards him.

"No!" Jeremy wailed, struggling to escape but with nowhere to run or hide. "Please, d-don't take me! No! It's n-not my time, it can't be, it can't be! P-please, no!"

Iris was relentless.

"Please! Have mercy! It's not my fault!" Quick like silent lightning, Iris raised Her arm, and Dave saw what She carried, brandished in one hand. Rotting stench filled the air as She exposed Her weapon. Jeremy saw it and his eyes grew wide. Kurt saw it, and he screamed.

"No!"

"Kurt!" Dave held back the smaller man, whimpering in fear and pain. His bones were being crushed by an onslaught of metal, and the blazing horn of a truck. His insides were seeping out. His blood was everywhere. He was dead. He was dead.

Jeremy was dead too, and as Iris raised Her knife for the killing blow, they all knew it to be true.

"Have mercy! It's his fault, not mine! Kill him, have mercy on me, please! I-" Iris brought down the knife, and buried it deep in the place where Jeremy's heart had once beat.

He screamed once, jerking, and then was still.


	14. Chapter 14

"Have mercy! It's his fault, not mine! Kill him, have mercy on me, please! I-" Iris brought down the knife, and buried it deep in the place where Jeremy's heart had once beat.

He screamed once, jerking, and then was still.

"Jeremy!" Kurt cried out, convulsing sickly and he fell, and Dave was barely able to catch him in time.

"Kurt? Jesus, Kurt! What's wrong?" He went quickly to the floor, cradling his blonde lover. "K-kurt?" Kurt tried to speak, but then he groaned and coughed, and an impossibly bright spray of blood trickled from his lips, staining the light whiskers on his chin a deep crimson. Dave stared in horror, and felt himself break. "Kurt! Oh fuck, oh God, your mouth! You're fucking bleeding!" Rage engulfed him and he turned to Iris, who was watching silently with fathomless brown eyes. "What have you done to him, you bitch?! What have you fucking done?"

"It's his time." Iris's voice was surprisingly soft. Jeremy's blood coated her hands, and was impossibly dark and thick. Barely human, at all. "His tattoo has faded. It's his time."

"No, that's not true, take it back, you fucking bitch! Take it back!"

"Da...david," Kurt gasped, and Dave turned back to him. He gaped, amazed to see a new clarity blazing in Kurt's eyes even as they began to glaze over. He knew immediately what that clarity meant. Kurt's words only enforced his understanding. "David, I... I remember."

"You, you remember m-me?"

Kurt almost smiled "...Uh-huh..."

Collapsing, Dave sobbed. "Jesus, oh God, K-kurt, you have no idea how m-much, how fucking much, I've missed you."

"I, I'm sorry." He panted harshly, and a sliver of blood passed through his lips to stain his chin. "Didn't mean to, l-leave you, I... wasn't you. I, I didn't want to hurt you, I..." He paused for breath, and a tear slid down his cheek. It traced the same pattern down his face as the blood had, and the tear drops turned red.

"No, Kurt..."

"I, I love you, David," he muttered. Dave held him, and began to cry bitterly. "I... always, you. And, I'm sorry. So sorry, David."

Dave shook his head fiercely. "Don't be sorry, you-" But then a great wave of pain came from somewhere in the sky and broke over both of them, and they cried out in unison. The pain was sudden and intense, and almost as bad was the shock that accompanied it. But there was something deeply sad, and strangely beautiful, about this pain. The pain was centering at their wrists...

"Oh my God, Kurt," Dave breathed. "Look."

They both glanced down, at the little, baby tattoos budding on their wrists; one for each man. They were gleaming, vibrant and young. Kurt smiled weakly. His lips were rimmed in red. Dave whined in the back of his throat. Too much blood. "That, that proves it... then." Even his eyes were red. Too much red. Too much pain. Dave felt his heart sting. "We're... we really are, soul mates, now." He trembled in his lover's arms. "L-listen to me Dave, I, I know I never told you enough but, but you've always, m-meant the world to me. You were an incredible drummer... and a good, good friend."

"H-hey!" Dave felt an overwhelming fear. "Don't talk like than, man, you're okay. It'll be okay."

Kurt only stared, and brought a hand up to limply caress Dave's cheek, stroking his beard. "Look at you, Dave. You're s-so fucking beautiful, after, after so long." Dave sobbed and bit down on his bottom lip hard, teetering on the brink of insanity. No not now I just got him back not now God oh God please not now... He raised his head to scream at Iris again. "Don't just stand there, you cunt! Save him! Fucking save him, like I know you fucking can!" He held up Kurt's wrist, brandishing his new tattoo. "You can't take him, he's not Jeremy's mate, he's mine. Mine!"

"It's his time," Iris repeated without pity, but spoke in an even softer tone than She had before. Her eyes flickered briefly, then sealed over again. Fathomless, again.

"No, no, no!" Dave clutched possessively at Kurt, rocking him, sobs wracking his body. "I won't let you take him! I won't! Bitch!"

"Dave!" Kurt gasped, in his last few seconds. "Look at me Dave... fucking l-look at me." Almost against his will Dave turned, and looked down at his lover with huge, grief stricken eyes. "You, you can't save me. Jeremy dies... I, I die, too."

"No!"

"You, have to let me go. Let... fucking let me go."

"Kurt, I can't. I can't. I'll die."

"You'll be okay." The blonde shivered, and his voice failed him. "I, I... fucking love you, man..." He exhaled painfully, and felt a great coldness envelope him from the inside.

"Kurt, no, no don't, please..."

Kurt tried to say something more, something to comfort his lover. But before he could think of anything, his soul disintegrated, and his lifeless body crumpled into Dave's arms.

 

***************************

 

Siri felt it then, a supernova of pain that radiated, permeated, into every cell in her body. She turned direction mid-stride and flew towards the apartment Kurt and Jeremy shared. The pain was hot, to her it looked as though the walls themselves were melting.

Oh no, no. She's here. She's come.

"Fuck!" She uttered the obscene, human curse word without even being aware of it. She knew Jeremy was gone. Faded. Kurt was either also gone, or fading at this very moment. It was hard to tell. In that apartment, the atmosphere was cloaked in a dark aura that was near impossible to see through. Her twin sister was strong. Too strong, really, for Her own good.

Above all things she had felt was the undeniable truth that Kurt and Dave now shared the inseparable bond, and that if Kurt had faded, Dave would soon follow him. Just as Kurt had followed Jeremy.

Oh Kurt oh Dave how could I let this happen to you? It's not your time yet, I felt it! You are special! You are different to the others!

She skidded to a halt and almost fell over her own feet, when she heard the voice of Iris in her head.

(Give it up, sister. These souls belongs to me, now. That is how it has always been. That is how it always will be. The bonding mark has faded, and now they are mine.)

Siri tired her best to argue, as her sister spoke to her.

(No! You're severely mistaken! Kurt's soul is no longer tied to Jeremy; it's tied to David. They're the ones who are bonded, now. They're the ones who share a common mark.)

(Then I shall take the one you call David, also. Soon, he will belong to me. They all will.)

(No!)

Siri ran faster, blurred and quicksilver. She was raging at the unmoving wall of her sister's logic. Burning with rage.

(You mustn't take either one of them, Iris! Stop being so insolent, they don't belong to you! Don't you realize, can't you feel it? It's imperative that they survive. Something crucial to all of us, involving them, is about to happen.)

(You must learn not to interfere in the affairs of others.)

(And you must learn to stand down and admit it when you're wrong!)

Her brain pulsed furiously. Snarling silently.

(I forbid you to hurt them!)

(It's too late for that, Siri.) It could have been her imagination, but to Siri it almost seemed as though her sister felt sorry for her. The voice in her head was very soft, and mellow. (Kurt has already gone. Now, I have to take David, too. They're mine. They belong to me.)

And the mind-link between them was severed by Iris, and Siri found herself suddenly alone. No! She moaned to herself, and was filled with a powerful, new resolve. She was going to save Kurt and Dave. She didn't know yet how she was going to do it.

But by all that was good and loving in the Afterlife, she was going to do it right.

 

****************************

 

Dave could only slouch numbly, and cradle Kurt's body in his arms. Something from inside had been cruelly ripped apart, leaving him numb and cold and bleeding. At first, no tears could come, nothing came.

Then, the extent of his grief and pain was realized.

"Kurt!" He howled harshly, but even that was an effort, as his existence began to ebb away. He screamed at Iris. "You can't have him! You can't have him, you bitch! He is mine!"

"No, Dave," said Iris simply, making his blood boil. "He's not. He belongs to me. And soon, very soon now, so will you."

He knew it was the truth; he could feel life draining out of his body in waves, his vision was fading, the world was dark, grey, unfeeling. But he found he didn't really care. An existence without Kurt by his side was no existence at all.

"So what?" he muttered limply, and finding he could no longer support his own body weight, laid down beside Kurt, and waited to disappear. "I don't fucking care if I die, or fade, or whatever fucking shit this is. Without him, it's not fucking worth it." He sighed listlessly, and buried his face in Kurt's long, blonde hair. "I'm sorry," he breathed, and Kurt's hair turned damp from tears. "I'm sorry I c-couldn't save you from this." He sobbed quietly, and found that failing Kurt hurt more than dying ever could. He kissed the last of the blood away from his lover's face, and Iris watched impassively. Impassively, save for a faint frown line developing on Her forehead.

"You really love him, don't you?"

Dave glanced up, surprised. "Yes. Of course I do." He could barely see now; and he knew soon he would be completely blind. So he turned what was left of his sight back to his lover, wanting Kurt to be the last thing he ever saw. "I l-love you, Kurt, fucking forever." His voice dropped, his vision faded, his mind clouded over. The only warmth left in the world was his love for Kurt. "I would have died for you. Know that. I would have fucking d-died for... for you." Weakly, he pressed their tattoos together. A perfect match.

"You're mine now, Dave."

No I'm not. He could no longer speak as he laid his head on Kurt's chest, but Iris heard his thoughts, as clear as a bell. I'll never belong to you. I'm Kurt's. Always and forever. The way it should be. I... Kurt. And wearily, he closed his blinded eyes.

"Dave?" For the first time, Iris's voice was tentative, but Her words went unheard in the cold, dark room.

Dave was gone.

 

***************************

 

Siri burst into the room in a torrent of bright, blinding light. Her eyes snapped with agility across the floor, focused briefly on the triumphant Iris, then darted to Jeremy's bloody form, then rested on the final, puddled heap on the ground. Her eyes filled with tears. Oh Dave... Kurt. I'm sorry.

They were still, entwined in each other, resting on a smear of blood on the floor. If not for that tell-tale smear of blood, the couple could have been sleeping. Siri knew they weren't fucking sleeping.

Iris... Empty, devoid of life, shells and husks of their former selves. Vessels that had once carried living being but were now dead and dry. She was shaken by her grief for the two, tears swelled and slid down her cheeks. They were so empty. But even now, they were beautiful.

Iris regarded her quietly.

"It's over, now," She murmured, and Siri eyed her. Her dagger had been wiped of blood and was back at Her waist. On Her slender wrist, Iris wore the large, silver bracelet She always kept close, and hanging from that bracelet were three bright, glowing spheres of warm energy. Tokens of the souls Iris had collected, and claimed as Her own.

Siri wasn't even close to giving up. "Two of those souls belong to me, Iris."

Her sister smirked wryly, but Siri was not in the mood for mind games. "Only two? You don't want to try for the third?"

"This isn't a joke. You claimed Jeremy's soul under your own terms, that's fair enough. But I'm reclaiming Kurt and Dave's soul under my own terms. You may deal with the damned. But I deal with the loved."

"Kurt and Dave are damned. Kurt's tattoo faded. He severed his tie with Jeremy. They destroyed each other."

"Iris, Jeremy raped him."

"It was preventable." It was preventable? Siri felt great rage and frustration at Her indifference. But she knew this wasn't really her sister. This was just her sister's facade.

"I know you better than this, Iris," she said quietly. "I know you must fell at least some empathy towards them. Kurt and Dave fell in love, Iris.  
Don't you see that? They were made for one another, right from the very beginning."

"I know." Iris was sombre and reflective. "You're right. They did fall in love. And in doing so, Kurt stole away Dave's soul. Jeremy's tattoo faded, and started the chain reaction. And now, I've had to claim them all."

"There was no chain. It was broken. Jeremy and Kurt weren't connected when you killed Kurt; didn't you see their wrists?" Siri was pleading to her sister's better nature, the one that had been hidden and suppressed, for countless years. "Kurt and Dave share a common mark, now. They are bonded. You only take the ones without bonds!"

"Kurt broke his bond, and formed a new one. His original bond still broke. It does not omit him from my care."

"Iris, please. Take into consideration, nothing like this has ever happened before!" Her anger was close to the surface, and she struggled to keep it down. It would do no good to insult her sister, now. "Please, I, I wouldn't be insisting if I didn't know it was important. Please, give them their souls back, Iris. They're in love." She paused, and the brown shine in her eyes mirrored her sister's. "Don't you remember what it's like, to be in love?"

Iris flinched a little, suddenly insecure. Memories of thousands of years ago, from before they were assigned to this damned job. Before they, and the rest of the Afterlife, were cursed with this hideous situation of tattoos and enforced bonding and fading away. Memories of a family, their mother. Of the young boy She had loved, dark and mysterious and smiling. Her eyes grew misty. "Siri," She choked. "Don't you, don't you remember what it's like to be damned? We're cursed. We're all fucking cursed. There's no stopping this, and even if there was, there's no point."

"You don't understand, do you?" Siri's voice was soft with sympathy. She too, missed her mother. "Imagine an Afterlife with no marks, no bindings. No selling your soul for sex, and no cold dread when your mark begins to fade." She glanced over at Kurt and Dave again, locked in a lover's embrace, and sighed. A part of her was jealous, for the love they shared. "Imagine an existence, where everyone fell in love, and were free to make their own choices. They messed up so badly, when they made it like this. I don't know if it was punishment, or if they really though this way was for the best. It doesn't matter. All that matters is how awful the situation we are left in now really is."

"Siri..."

But Siri spoke over the interruption, desperate to speak her mind. "People should be free. To find their true soul mates." She locked eyes with her sister. "That's what we have here, Iris. Two souls that are made for each other, yet you still insist on keeping them apart.

Iris was a little taken aback, and shaken. "What can we do about it, sister? It's how it's always been, it's how it always will be. You can't just-" But then her sister's mind flared, and Iris was able to clearly read her mind. What She found made Her gasp. "You, you can't seriously think that, Siri. Even, even if we used these... these soul mates to try it, do you actually believe we could free everyone from this shit? Is that what you're suggesting?" She shook Her head, sadly. "It's just a fantasy we share, nothing more can come of it. It's enticing, but impossible. We're all in this, stuck like this, forever."

"You've made yourself believe that," Siri murmured. "To help you cope with your situation. I don't blame you, I did too, until a few weeks ago. But what if it were possible? What if I told you it's not only just possible, but that I know it's supposed to happen, to be successful? You have to trust in me, Iris."

"It can't be done."

"Free them, then. Wake them up, and we will see."

Iris made a small noise then, and Siri was beyond surprised when she realized the noise was a sob. "Even, even if I could wake them up. Even if by some miracle I could return their souls to their bodies, there, there isn't even a hope of it working. And then, if, if it did work..." She paused, hesitantly. "If by some, insane chance it worked, we would become obsolete."

"Yes, we would," her sister echoed softly. "And we would be free, finally. From all of this."

"We would fade away."

"After all we've benn through, don't you think that's for the best?"

"Yes." Iris bowed Her head. "I suppose you're right."

Oh, Iris. Don't be scared. "Then let us try it. For Kurt and Dave. For everyone here."

"I..."

"Please. For me."

Iris gazed at her for a long time, Her eyes filled with sadness and doubt. Yet, there was also a glimpse of... something in her face, that gave Siri hope. "It's only... if we're to try it, I think you should do it. After all, I shouldn't be trusted with giving someone life. I only know how to take it away."

Siri soothed her softly. "We'll do it together, then."

It made her sister's eyes widen with shock and appreciation. "Alright."

The shared a smile as they got down beside the lifeless bodies, and the moment was a good one. Iris gently slipped two of the lights from Her wrist, the brightest of the three, and handed one carefully to Her sister. They didn't speak as they did it. The moment did not need words.

They moved together in perfect time, without even being aware of it. In turn, Kurt and Dave's jaws were taken lightly into careful hands, and their mouths were softly pried open. Once more speaking through their bond, Iris sent her sister a quiet message. (My biggest regret is that I'm going to leave this place with everyone in the Afterlife hating and fearing me.)

(Think of me then, sister. Do you sense how I feel. I love you, more than anything. More than everything.)

(Here goes nothing, then.)

Their soft smiles were sisterly and identical. They locked eyes for the last time as the bright spheres of light were placed in the men's mouths, then vanished.

 

****************************

 

Floating in space. In extreme, suffocating blackness. Whispers filled the spaces, and they were spiteful.

Dave tried his very hardest to exist again, but it was far too much for him. He hadn't the strength, and fell back against the nothing, faded and forgotten. He didn't even have the strength to search for his Kurt. And it left him heartbroken.

"Oh Kurt. Where are you? I want to be with you, I want to be with you, please. This is Hell, this is fucking Hell! Don't make me exist without you!"

This is Hell.

Fucking Hell.

He felt himself jerk convulsively, and for one fleeting moment, he felt like he could almost exist again. But then it was gone, and he tumbled down. He was weak, too weak. "Kurt..." He would have cried if he could of, if he'd had eyes or tear ducts, or any sort of anatomy for that matter. His body was gone. "Kurt, I need you. Please. I love you!"

He thought about Kurt. About how much he loved the little blonde, and how he could never, ever exist without him. And how no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't seem to save him. "I don't care where we are," he murmured plaintively. "I don't care if we're alive, or in the Afterlife, or Heaven or Hell or some fucking other place. I just need you. Because I love you. I need you with me, please. Kurt."

Another jolt, harder, and more intense than the first, and Dave groaned. It was like a bout of amnesia he just couldn't shake, an orgasm that wouldn't come, a rope he couldn't fucking climb. And he wanted to desperately to remember, to come, to climb up and out and break through the surface.

A massive jolt, painfully hard.

White lights appearing before his non-existent eyes.

So close. So... fucking... close. I, I'm almost there, Kurt. Kurt.

Kurt?

And then it happened. "Kurt!" The dam broke, and suddenly he remembered, he had his orgasm, the rope twisted in his fingers and pulled him up and out, away. He broke into consciousness. And then, he suddenly found himself existing again...

 

***************************

 

Dave choked, gasped, and woke up.

"Kurt?" he groaned as he came alive all at once, breathing again, pulsing, beating. He could feel every system in his body functioning. He could feel the blood in his veins. He could feel breath rush in and out of his lungs. And it was bliss. It was like Nirvana.

Nirvana.

"Kurt!" He rolled, almost falling onto the body of his lover, and started to stroke him, shake his shoulders, anything to wake him. He wasn't aware of his own tears. His voice was hoarse with disuse, and he vaguely wondered how long he'd been dead.

Then he dismissed that thought for good.

"Kurt, oh fuck, man. Come on, wake up. Wake up. I need you here, with me! Don't, don't fucking make me go on without you!" His hands fumbled all over Kurt's body, and he searched for any signs of life. "Kurt. Damn this." He sobbed quietly, and touched the blonde's closed eyelids with trembling fingers. "Oh God. I love you. I love you." He sobbed, and leaned down to kiss his lover back to life.

But Kurt beat him to it.

He stiffened and cried out, his eyes snapping open, wide and deep and impossibly blue. Dave loved him, with every scrap of his heart.

"Kurt!" Kurt's eyes found Dave's, and he visibly relaxed with relief, sighing, shivering all over.

"H-hey... hey, my David." He smiled weakly, and was beautiful. "It's good to see you again. S-so... fucking wonderful..." Dave strangled his moans and fell onto him, both comforting and receiving comfort at the same time, both holding, and being held.

"Jesus," he breathed, and buried his face in the slope of Kurt's neck. "Oh, Jesus, I though I'd... I love you. S-so much, and. And I'm so, so sorry that I couldn't save you. That I couldn't ever save you..."

"Hush, no, Dave," Kurt murmured so strongly it was almost a soft growl. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare even fucking say that. It's not fucking true. You, you've saved me so many times. In life, in the Afterlife, on so many fucking levels, man. You saved me every day. And I love you. Fuck it, I love you with all my heart more than anything in the universe. Oh God. And now, you're my Dave. You're my Dave. And, fuck, it makes me so happy. I want to spend an eternity with you."

Dave half sobbed, half cried and they kissed, fusing and becoming one, whole being.

On their wrists, their heart shaped tattoos radiated with warmth, without pain but with an almost orgasmic pleasure. They turned an impossible shade of silver, and a light seemed to pulse from within.

All across the Afterlife, couples pointed and exclaimed as their own tattoos began to shine with spectral light, dazzling them. They didn't understand it, only knew it was good, and they rejoiced. Hugs and kisses were exchanged.

There was laughter.

Partners everywhere made love.

Their tattoos shone bright for a few more moments, then slowly began to fade, fade completely, never to be seen on anyone again. They were free.

 

***************************

 

After what seemed like an eternity, Dave and Kurt broke apart, and smiled hazily at each other.

"H-hey," Dave murmured suddenly, looking around them. "Where did Siri go? And, and Iris?"

"...I don't know." They looked around.

But the sisters were nowhere to be seen


End file.
